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Author Topic: feel alone  (Read 60 times)

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Offline Kerrosine

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feel alone
« on: August 21, 2014, 05:06:28 PM »
Hi everyone. I came here because I suffer from anxiety and I just wanted some support really. To understand why I have anxiety I suppose I need to tell you a lot about myself. When I was younger, I didnt have the best relationship with my dad. I was physically and emotionally abused by him. At the time I didnt understand it was abuse. When I was around 10 my grandmother was diagnosed with terminal cancer, someone I was very close with, and when I was 13 she died. Only 6 months later my mum and father separated and it was only a few months ago that the divorce was actually finalized and I lost all contact with my dad. He was always a control freak, and so before the divorce he would come into the house unannounced, make many death threats to my mum. On my 17th birthday, my best friend passed away as she was killed in a freak accident. It was 4 years ago that my auntie Aileen was diagnosed with terminal cancer and last year she passed away. At the time I was with my boyfriend who supported me. However, my relationship with him was not always the best. He was not the most faithful person, even at the beginning, and I found myself becoming more and more paranoid. Our relationship lasted over a year and a half and it was only last month that we broke up. Since then he has changed his mind several times as to whether he wanted to get back together or not. He decided only a couple weeks ago that he did not want to get back together with me after all. I have found the breakup extremely difficult and has only made my anxiety harder to cope with. I cannot sleep, I find it hard to eat as I feel nauseous all the time. I miss having someone to help me through my difficult days and tell me things are going to be okay. I miss having a shoulder to cry on. And most of all I miss having someone I can truly be myself around, as I feel like I cannot be myself around others without feeling self conscious or silly.
The reason I tell people this is in the hope that someone might be able to help me understand why I feel like this, or even help with coping mechanisms for the days i feel totally hopeless. Or maybe someone will just read this and relate to how I feel. Either way it would be nice to talk to someone who gets it rather than judging me. Thank you.
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Offline kconnors

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Re: feel alone
« Reply #1 on: August 21, 2014, 07:27:38 PM »
Hi . . .

Welcome to the forum . . . you have had quite a few traumatic experiences from a very early age and it is no wonder that you are feeling the way you do . . .

I am not a medical professional so I cannot diagnose or even make recommendations but I will ask you to consider some things and to make sure you know that you are welcome here at any time . . .we may not be able to solve your problem (most of us are still working on our own) but we will share what has worked for us . . . ultimately, though, you need to decide what you will do and we most certainly will support you whatever the decision . . .

1.  I don't know but I would suggest that you try to hook up with some professional counselling. You are trying to start a journey out of anxiety which started when you were so very young with an abusive father and several deaths of people to whom you were close. When we are young, we often do not have the intellectual coping mechanisms to process traumatic psychological and emotional experiences. So, if you can, you need someone to guide you through the process. It may not be the easiest process (and it is a process and not an event), but once you start the journey, each little step forward will bring you added strength which you have already shown that you have for coming here to this forum.

2.  In a way, the relationship that you had with your father was relived with your boyfriend. . . .and this is not unusual. Your boyfriend seemed to have sensed that you needed someone to rely on and I am guessing that he used that to manipulate your emotions and probably allowed him to play the field. You deserve better. You deserve a boyfriend who is faithful to you. If he cannot make a commitment that is more than on and off so he can get what he wants, then he is not a boyfriend . . . . he is simply someone who knows how to push your buttons . . . and, again, you deserve better than an abusive situation to be repeated. Yep, it is difficult because you had a comfort zone with him even if the comfort zone was damaging to your spirit and change is always difficult, but, again, you are worth it . . .

3.  We all need support but if the support comes at a price, then it is not support. So, I would suggest that you consider whether he was supporting you because of you or whether he figured you would think that you owed him.

4.  Often in these situations, our self confidence and self esteem never develops or becomes damaged so we think that we have no value unless we are with someone. That's not true. You have great value. You have weathered immense difficulties, but you can use that strength that is deep down to help you manage your anxiety. You do it in very small steps recognizing that there is often speedbumps that set us back, but we do pick ourselves up and move on . . .

From what you tell me, you are feeling alone with your anxiety and you need to start to build up your management techniques. If you cannot see a trained professional, then scan these postings: many of us find great support in practicing mindfulness or changing our lifestyles (especially exercise which does wonders for anxiety for most people); others consult with a doctor and may use prescription medications for a while as a bridge and others use them more long term. We are all unique in our experiences and our needs but the one thing that we share in common on this forum is a welcoming attitude to anyone who is suffering from anxiety because we have all been there and we are all on different personal journeys to recover and manage it.

Please know that you are more than welcome to come here and post  . . .we will do our best to support you . . . even if you just want to come by and use us to get your thoughts out on paper (this technique is also very helpful because then these thoughts get out of your mind and you can deal with them better --- I found this helped me a lot) . . . . or even to say hi and to let us know how you are doing . . . know that we are not here to judge anyone else (none of us has that focus) but also know that we so understand how you are feeling but there is the journey back and you have taken the biggest step by coming here . . . take care, kc
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