Hi everyone. I came here because I suffer from anxiety and I just wanted some support really. To understand why I have anxiety I suppose I need to tell you a lot about myself. When I was younger, I didnt have the best relationship with my dad. I was physically and emotionally abused by him. At the time I didnt understand it was abuse. When I was around 10 my grandmother was diagnosed with terminal cancer, someone I was very close with, and when I was 13 she died. Only 6 months later my mum and father separated and it was only a few months ago that the divorce was actually finalized and I lost all contact with my dad. He was always a control freak, and so before the divorce he would come into the house unannounced, make many death threats to my mum. On my 17th birthday, my best friend passed away as she was killed in a freak accident. It was 4 years ago that my auntie Aileen was diagnosed with terminal cancer and last year she passed away. At the time I was with my boyfriend who supported me. However, my relationship with him was not always the best. He was not the most faithful person, even at the beginning, and I found myself becoming more and more paranoid. Our relationship lasted over a year and a half and it was only last month that we broke up. Since then he has changed his mind several times as to whether he wanted to get back together or not. He decided only a couple weeks ago that he did not want to get back together with me after all. I have found the breakup extremely difficult and has only made my anxiety harder to cope with. I cannot sleep, I find it hard to eat as I feel nauseous all the time. I miss having someone to help me through my difficult days and tell me things are going to be okay. I miss having a shoulder to cry on. And most of all I miss having someone I can truly be myself around, as I feel like I cannot be myself around others without feeling self conscious or silly.
The reason I tell people this is in the hope that someone might be able to help me understand why I feel like this, or even help with coping mechanisms for the days i feel totally hopeless. Or maybe someone will just read this and relate to how I feel. Either way it would be nice to talk to someone who gets it rather than judging me. Thank you.