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Author Topic: All of my irrational thoughts over the past year  (Read 268 times)

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Offline StrawberryCraze91

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All of my irrational thoughts over the past year
« on: August 20, 2014, 04:23:17 PM »
I made a list of all the irrational things I have freaked out over.  It seems I am steadily getting worse.

January 2013- Death in combat and start of WW3: After seeing reports of the Syrian crisis escalating and news that women might be drafted I was certain WW3 was about to start and I would be drafted and die in combat. After a week I returned to normal.


June 2013-Flesh eating/brain eating bacteria: After seeing numerous stories on the news focused on flesh eating and brain eating bacteria I convinced myself it was possible to contract these diseases through the water in my shower.  After a few days of freaking out I returned to normal.

July 2013- blood clot: I had a huge bruise on my arm from running into a rack of clothing while at a mall.  There was a small lump in the bruise and I was convinced this was a blood clot that would travel to my heart and kill me in my sleep.  I returned to normal after a day or so.

August/September 2013-WW3 again, and flooding:  Syrian crisis reaches a breaking point with chemical weapons use I am convinced we have now entered WW3 and that we will all be bombed.  I lament not having build a prepper shelter and can't sleep for days. I am glued to the Alex Jones YouTube channel.  Colorado experiences flooding and I am afraid a flash flood will destroy my house and me and my family will be left homeless.

January 2014- I see a special on aliens and I am convinced "black eyed kids" will appear on my doorstep and abduct me.  I start sleeping with the lights on.

March 2014- The Ukraine Crisis:  The protest in Ukraine turn violent and I am certain WW3 has officially started and that we will be fighting Russia soon.  I lament not having built a bomb shelter and lose sleep.

April 2014- I am getting old/nobody wants me:  An internet dating site convinces me that I am past my prime and an old hag at 23, and that I might as well give up on even trying to date because no one wants me.  I get over this after a few weeks.

May 2014- Death by ingrown hair, cardiac arrest, multiple myeloma, and my first panic attack:  I suffer my first major panic attack on May 14-15th. I think I am going into cardiac arrest and can't breathe or feel my pulse.  Mom checks pulse and it is 99.  I read an article on how an ingrown hair or bikini wax can kill you and worry for days.  I get a CBC done in late may and it comes back normal, my protein is 8.1(slightly high) so I google high blood protein causes and multiple myeloma pops up.  I am convinced I am seriously ill.

June 2014-Melanoma, lymphoma, inflammatory breast cancer: I read a story about a 29 year old who dies of melanoma.  I fly into a panic and check my moles, a few appear a little flaky and I am convinced this is a sign of melanoma.  It turns out to be dry skin.  I begin experiencing chest(sternum) and armpit pains daily and feeling run-down.  I google and learn that these are signs of lymphoma.  I start having breast pain and do not have a lump, I think this means I have inflammatory breast cancer.  I also have a very dry mouth, loss of appetite and weight loss.  I have been worried since.

July 2014-Lymphoma, leukemia, Ebola, pneumonic plague, ISIS rampage, Plane shot down over Ukraine:  A man and 3 of his friends contract pneumonic(airborne) plague in my state after the family dog was infected with ticks, fleas or prairie dogs carrying the disease, I worry that it might spread.  I see my doctor for my chronic chest and armpit pains mid-month, she refuses to give me an ultrasound, chest x-ray and CBC because nothing seems out of place.  I am prescribed Xanax and given the number to a counseling facility.  I am worried they are missing something because a lot of people with cancer are written off as having anxiety.  2-3 days later I develop a sore throat, runny nose and productive cough.  I am worried I have lymphoma or leukemia. This cold last 2 weeks, with one week of coughing up clear phlegm.  The Ebola outbreak intensifies I am scared the disease will spread to the US and cause a contagion like epidemic.  ISIS rampages through Iraq and I am convinced the government is funding Al-Qaeda and other terrorist groups.  A plane is shot down over Ukraine and I am convinced WW3 is about to start.

August 2014/present day-lymphoma, leukemia, Hodgkin disease: I develop some petechiae and bruising.  I convince myself that these are signs I have leukemia.  This fear subsides after a week.  I begin having mild night sweats while on vacation and I am convinced I have lymphoma.  I have not had another sweat in more than a week.  My cold returns with a sore throat, sneezing and dry cough.  These are all Lymphoma symptoms(persistent colds, frequent colds and difficulty fighting colds). Web MD and Mayo clinic both say that a cold should last no longer than 10 days, I have been sick all summer.  My chest and armpit pain is back and I have back pain.  I am having muscle spasms and pain daily, not just during anxiety attacks.  My temperature reads 98.8 when I am usually 97.5.  I am convinced that the doctor missed something and want another appointment with a full work-up.  I can't believe this is all anxiety and firmly believe I am one of the millions of people that have been misdiagnosed.  I am better for a few days but go on a google and body check spree.  I am basically accepting I must have cancer at this point and looking at my treatment options.  My parents think I am crazy.  My appetite has returned and I have gained back the weight I lost, my mouth is no longer dry.

What do you think?
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Pslam 56:3
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.

Isaiah 54:17
"No weapon that is formed against you will prosper"

Peter 5:7
"casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you."

Offline fishmanpa

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Re: All of my irrational thoughts over the past year
« Reply #1 on: August 20, 2014, 04:33:11 PM »
"What do you think?"

S Craze... I'm exhausted reading it! I'm so sorry you're dealing with this dragon called anxiety :(  I really don't have any words of comfort or reassurance other than hopefully you realize how irrational the fears are at least for a moment.

I didn't see anywhere in the post about seeking help other than a referral from your GP and some chill pills. Have you taken any steps toward that?

Positive thoughts
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"Eat. Drink. Enjoy the work you do. Be thankful for the blessings in your life. Live. Love and seek out the things that bring your heart joy. The rest doesn't matter!."  King Solomon.

Offline cardinal

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Re: All of my irrational thoughts over the past year
« Reply #2 on: August 20, 2014, 05:03:32 PM »
Well, the good news is that you are certainly knowledgable about current events!

So what do I think? You do have an illness: HA. I hope you will get counseling. Your whole life is ahead of you, and you don't want to look back in a few decades and realize that you missed out on living because you were preoccupied with anxiety over problems that never occurred. Trust me on this.

I can also tell that you are very intelligent. This is a double-edged sword with HA because you have a wide breadth of knowledge to base your worries upon and you are analytical enough to figure out the exceptions to every reassurance. But you should also be able to learn methods to manage this illness.





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Offline StrawberryCraze91

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Re: All of my irrational thoughts over the past year
« Reply #3 on: August 20, 2014, 05:21:19 PM »
I did fill out a patient pack and I am having my medical records faxed over to a counseling service.  I just keep thinking I have been misdiagnosed.  I have been feeling "off" all summer.  I have not felt 100% healthy since may.

I also had a stomach virus in June.  I got over it quickly(apparently other people in my town ended up in the ER).  I am just so scared.
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Pslam 56:3
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.

Isaiah 54:17
"No weapon that is formed against you will prosper"

Peter 5:7
"casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you."

Offline Raaawr

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Re: All of my irrational thoughts over the past year
« Reply #4 on: August 20, 2014, 06:23:57 PM »
I really hope you dont mind, but I got a few giggles out of some of these.

January 2013- Death in combat and start of WW3: After seeing reports of the Syrian crisis escalating and news that women might be drafted I was certain WW3 was about to start and I would be drafted and die in combat. After a week I returned to normal.

January 2014- I see a special on aliens and I am convinced "black eyed kids" will appear on my doorstep and abduct me.  I start sleeping with the lights on.

April 2014- I am getting old/nobody wants me:  An internet dating site convinces me that I am past my prime and an old hag at 23, and that I might as well give up on even trying to date because no one wants me.  I get over this after a few weeks.


My temperature reads 98.8 when I am usually 97.5.  I am convinced that the doctor missed

I know the feeling of not feeling 100% all too well and how it can snowball on you. But I have begun to realise, people dont feel 100% alot of the time but they dont immediately think they are dying and they just get on with it and forget about it. Where as us, we feel if we are not 100%, even if we are 95% we are on the slow decline to death and I honestly believe that because that is our reaction we end up feeling worse. There are days where I will wake up and say "Screw this, Im healthy! Nothing wrong with me what so ever" and for most of the day I will feel fine. Then something will remind me of my fears and Ill be emotionally crippled for the day.

Fact is though, if we are physically capable of doing all our normal things we are perfectly healthy.
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Since July 23rd 2014 I have had;
Brain Tumor, 5x Heart Attacks, 2x Blood clots in leg, 1 blood clot in Arm, 2x Appendicitis, Pulmonary Embolism, Brain Tumor, Internal Bleeding, Ebola.

Offline StrawberryCraze91

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Re: All of my irrational thoughts over the past year
« Reply #5 on: August 20, 2014, 07:41:19 PM »
Yup, some of these are pretty funny in hindsight.
If I really did have lymphoma I think I would be much worse now,  3 months is sort of a lot of time.  I am just worried because I am rarely sick. I have had a cold for over a month now.  I read all those stories and saw all those videos where people were misdiagnosed for 6 months-1 year and were in stage IV by the time they were treated.  I also saw people who looked totally normal and only had something like a rash or dry cough before diagnosis.  I made the mistake of looking up lymphoma staging and I am now convinced there is a mass in my chest and I am having "A" symptoms, which means no symptoms/mild symptoms.  The doc told me last month that if I did have cancer it would be obvious(drenching night sweats, pain that interrupts sleep, noticeably large hard nodes).   I have nodes in my neck and groin, I am assuming that if cancer had spread from my neck to groin I would be pretty sick.
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Pslam 56:3
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.

Isaiah 54:17
"No weapon that is formed against you will prosper"

Peter 5:7
"casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you."

Offline StrawberryCraze91

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Re: All of my irrational thoughts over the past year
« Reply #6 on: August 21, 2014, 03:45:28 AM »
I felt the node again, it feels bigger harder and further down, I am worried again :traurig001:
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Pslam 56:3
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.

Isaiah 54:17
"No weapon that is formed against you will prosper"

Peter 5:7
"casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you."

Offline patmob

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Re: All of my irrational thoughts over the past year
« Reply #7 on: August 21, 2014, 06:04:06 AM »
Nice to know that an alien species with technology advanced beyond anything we can imagine and the ability to travel through space to reach Earth can be thwarted by a light bulb  :laugh3:
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Offline sixpack

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Re: All of my irrational thoughts over the past year
« Reply #8 on: August 21, 2014, 07:08:52 AM »
whew!  that is a well documented list of fears.  fears that, of course, didn't come to fruition.

I think what fishmanpa and cardinal  think.
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MOST anxiety occurs on a subconscious level.  JUST because you don't feel consciously anxious or had a day or two of calm doesn't mean your mind & body are relaxed.  It can take months of reduced anxiety before a body goes back to a more non-reactive state

 

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