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Author Topic: I just want to cry  (Read 129 times)

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Offline kvndl2

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I just want to cry
« on: August 19, 2014, 11:55:25 PM »
I'm so frustrated. I feel like I might just be typing this out just to get it out of my system, but also to get some advice and personal stories as well.
I've said this many times in numerous threads and those who have read them I apologize for being over abundant in my sharing of this but I don't know what else to do since I don't have a therapist (no one takes my insurance) and I don't want to talk to my family about it since I feel like I can only talk to them about it so many times before I just stress them out and that's not good.
I don't want to do that.
I just want to have my friends in the state where I used to live to be near me so I can see them every day. I haven't seen them in a little over a year and although I talk to about one or two online it's not the same.
I don't have any friends here in this new state, I mainly sit at home with my mom since my sister is at work.
I don't have a job, although I plan on trying to get one (which stresses me out more because I've never had a job before and also because I fear that even if I get a job and friends it just wont be the same and it wont help my anxiety).
I feel like I'm going to go off the rails and I know that I've felt like this before and I've never actually gone off the rails but that doesn't make it any better.
I just don't know what to do. And I hate this feeling. Right now as I type this I don't feel anxious, but yet I'm thinking about derealization and not getting better and I know that's not good to help me get better but ugh.
I feel like I'm stuck in the mud.
I just recently got prescribed klonopin and it has helped give me 2 full days of being anxiety free but even then I questioned it and was like 'this isn't normal I should be anxious'.
It's just so frustrating.
I don't know what can really be said in reply to this, maybe just personal stories of how you overcame something like this? I don't know...
thanks in advance if you reply.
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Offline worldbeat99

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Re: I just want to cry
« Reply #1 on: August 20, 2014, 12:11:52 AM »
Kvndl2, I'm sorry that you are feeling bad now.  What state do you live in?  I'm in Chicago and when my anxiety started last winter, I didn't have any insurance.  I found an anxiety clinic that had student therapists on a sliding scale.  I was able to get excellent ACT therapy treatment for $20 an hour.  You might look to see if there are any clinics with offer a sliding scale, since you're not working.

I agree with you its important to have the support of friends nearby.  I'm lucky, though when I dealt with GAD, I wasn't totally comfortable being with my friends at first.

Often mental illness or brain disorders run in families.  Do you know of other family relatives, cousins, aunts that you could meet with to have a serious talk about these issues?

For me, when all else fails, I chant these words for 10 minutes:  NAM MYOHO RENGE KYO.  They have the power to tap into our highest potential.  They say:  "A mind currently clouded by the innate darkness of life is like a tarnished mirror.  But if you chant Nam Myoho Renge Kyo, the mirror will be clear and reflect the true happy nature of your life."  Hope this all helps.
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Offline kvndl2

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Re: I just want to cry
« Reply #2 on: August 20, 2014, 12:18:38 AM »
All of that made me want to cry, but in a happy way because it made me smile and I appreciate you replying.
I live in Northern California. I will try and research things like that around here.
Although I feel like if there was something like that around here the doctor that I see would mention it to me I'd hope???
However I could be wrong.

My sister has anxiety and can sympathize with me, but she doesn't have it to the extent that I do and I feel like I bother my family when I talk about my anxiety. I just feel kind of isolated.

Do you mind me asking what all you were going through before you found help?

Also that is a beautiful meaning behind those words.
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