I think I'm ready. I think I am ready to finally seek help even though I feel I might be non fixable.
That statement right there...STOP IT!!!! YOU are NOT non fixable. You are if CHOOSE to be but only if you CHOOSE to be. It's a CHOICE!!! You make that choice every single minute when you give into the monster.
As for recommendations, have you asked your PCP? That's how I got my referral. I had to take a xanax just to go meet him but I did it. He started off by interviewing me and then had me take a computer based test that showed him my "problem" areas. That helped him formulate a treatement plan. Here's the key...if you don't click after the first meeting or two...find another one. You have to feel comfortable with this person, like it's a safe place. That doesn't mean that he or she won't talk about things that make you uncomfortable, because they will, but that you have the right rapport.
CBT is key, in my opinion. You have to retrain your brain to stop the anxious thoughts. You literally have to rewire it.
Please keep us updated! You can do this!!