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Author Topic: Shaking aching shrinking thigh! Big MND fears  (Read 1416 times)

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Offline ShawnW

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Re: Shaking aching shrinking thigh! Big MND fears
« Reply #15 on: August 19, 2014, 11:59:10 AM »
Hi Shawn,
It's new, as in I just noticed it a few days ago and so he didn't see it,
Hx

To have "massive atrophy" within 10 days of a physician checking you...is HIGHLY improbable.  But, if you truly believe it's new then get it checked.  Let him take a look at it.
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Offline filopastry

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Re: Shaking aching shrinking thigh! Big MND fears
« Reply #16 on: August 19, 2014, 12:06:49 PM »
LadyH,

Therapy is a good thing.  It will help.  The question I would have for you is did your physician agree with your observations?  Did he see this "massive hole" you speak about?  Small dents become "massive wasting" in our eyes.  If a physician seen "massive wasting" he wouldn't blow it off.  So I must assume either 1) He didn't agree with your observations 2) You didn't show it to him 3) It's new

All too true,  I was convinced one side of my face was wasting away, and that I was getting a sunken cheek on one side, showed it to my sister who is a doctor and she could see absolutely nothing worth noting that wasn't caused by losing some weight and that we are all a bit asymetrical anyway.


Physically I am still so concerned about my leg, it still occupies my thoughts 24/7. This waste I feel I can see & touch in the outer thigh, the constant rumblings, aching and horrible feelings, buzzing, vibrating, shaking & bubbling. The fact that you know, I can't stand on that leg without wobbling, the fact I can't squat with that leg. That there's a massive freaking hole in my flat wasting muscle there.
But as you said, I saw a doctor 2 weeks ago, who said my exam was totally normal, and I must hang on to that, though it is hard and my urge to run to the doctor with these "new" symptoms is so overwhelming. 


I had the buzzing/jelly leg/twitching feeling as well a few months ago, I won't belittle your fears as I also convinced myself it could possibly be ALS (as crazy as I knew that was deep down), it went on for a good month or so on and off, eventually went to the docs with it, and they said it was nothing, unusually for me I actually accepted that and the symptoms cleared up pretty quickly to be followed by something else, it hasn't really bothered me since.
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Offline LadyH

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Re: Shaking aching shrinking thigh! Big MND fears
« Reply #17 on: August 19, 2014, 12:14:31 PM »
Thanks both,
It's hard and I feel like (and obviously hope!) that you're both right, but it's difficult to be rational, when the thing that you are worried about is so unimaginable and scary.

I have started the therapy now, and I promised myself that I wouldn't go back to the docs unless something new happened, and whilst I feel like these are new things, kind of just new to my awareness, not actually new?

Thanks Shawn for your logic, you're right, how could there have been such a steep decline in just 2 weeks (Almost to the hour right now) and it would have to be one hell of a coincidence, for me to go to the doctor believing I have a disease, him tell me I'm fine, and then I develop that disease over the next two weeks!!!!

I am holding the option open for myself to go back, if I do feel like I need to. Unfortunately at my doctors, and because of my working hours, it's impossible to get an appointment in a timely manner anyway, which is one of the things that stops me running back all the time I think!!

I just feel like I'm waiting it out, it's like I'm waiting for it to get bad enough to have enough to go back to the docs with. It's just so difficult because what I feel is so real, and what I see is so real.

Thanks both for your comments, keep them coming I find it very helpful!!
Hx

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Offline LadyH

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Re: Shaking aching shrinking thigh! Big MND fears
« Reply #18 on: August 27, 2014, 06:31:36 AM »
Hi all,
Resurrecting this thread as I'm going out of my mind!
The pictures are of my leg, the on that I feel is shrinking! The one that I feel all this horribly vibrating/ humming/ twitching/ crawling in.
I hope you can see in the photo's, they don't show as vividly as I can see in the flesh (correct angles etc are hard to achieve), about the flatness, the dip & the dent, and the difference in size of my leg.

The difference in size I can kinda get over. But what it is, when I left my leg straight out to the side, the big dip happens. t's like my big muscle at the front falls to the side and reveals how there is no muscle there at the side of my leg. There's a bump where I've got some like upper thigh flab (I'm cool with my flab!) and then it just dips down into my leg like an inch, then it's all flat to the knee. There's  the horrible dent, that's hard and about 2 fingers wide, creates a visible dimple.

I don't have any of this on the other leg.

The last few days I've noticed a real stiffness in the front of my thigh, like I used to have to really try to stretch this muscle out, and now I on't have to barely make an effort and it feels tight,

This thigh also aches constantly, not a bad ache but like a mild toothache, the kind that makes you want to rub it to soothe it a little.

I literally am convinced this is muscle wasting. Every morning when I wake up I move my leg and think, Oh thank God  can still move it, and then I get up & think, Thank od I can still walk. ATM I'm waiting for the morning when I step out on the leg and it collapses under me.
I've lost around 6KG's in the last month- 6 weeks or so, and cannot for the life of me see where form other than this damned leg, it's the only part of me that looks/ feels any different.
It's tight & stiff & I feel like I'm limping on it.



So very scared. Any & all questions, comments & suggestions welcome!!!
Please talk to me,

Hxx
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Offline ShawnW

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Re: Shaking aching shrinking thigh! Big MND fears
« Reply #19 on: August 27, 2014, 06:59:40 AM »
If the reflexes of that leg are normal...it's not muscle wasting.  It's really that simple.  Dents, dents, and asymmetry are not ***.
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Offline mollyfin

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Re: Shaking aching shrinking thigh! Big MND fears
« Reply #20 on: August 27, 2014, 09:35:53 AM »
With all this anxiety, no wonder you've lost weight.  I haven't eaten in a day or two myself because I'm anxious about my blood test results.  And I'm generally a stress-eater, but something about HA (and a couple other specific things) makes my appetite totally shut down.  I can feel physically hungry and not want to eat, and when I do eat, I'm not hungry for much. 

I can't see the pictures, so I can't offer any advice there, but...if you had ALS to the point where your leg was actively visibly shrinking so fast you could see the changes, you'd surely be pretty far into the disease's progression by now and have been wheelchair bound for a while. 
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Offline LadyH

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Re: Shaking aching shrinking thigh! Big MND fears
« Reply #21 on: August 27, 2014, 11:43:34 AM »
Yeah, it says Photo's are awaiting approval but I uploaded them hours ago :(

I hear what you're saying about the reflexes, that there's no way a doctor, even a GP conducting a short neuro exam would let me walk out with dodgy reflexes no? This couldn't have gotten past him even 3+ weeks ago?

So in the *** theory, the leg would be useless before the wasting happened is that correct? Like this muscle wastes because you can no longer use it because it's become paralyzed, is that right? So there's no way I could have muscle wasting, before- it wouldn't happen in this order?

Sorry for the million questions but I terrified myself enough with Dr Google & I@m not going back there!!!!
Hx
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Offline ShawnW

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Re: Shaking aching shrinking thigh! Big MND fears
« Reply #22 on: August 27, 2014, 12:40:32 PM »
Yeah, it says Photo's are awaiting approval but I uploaded them hours ago :(

I hear what you're saying about the reflexes, that there's no way a doctor, even a GP conducting a short neuro exam would let me walk out with dodgy reflexes no? This couldn't have gotten past him even 3+ weeks ago?

So in the *** theory, the leg would be useless before the wasting happened is that correct? Like this muscle wastes because you can no longer use it because it's become paralyzed, is that right? So there's no way I could have muscle wasting, before- it wouldn't happen in this order?

Sorry for the million questions but I terrified myself enough with Dr Google & I@m not going back there!!!!
Hx

Typically speaking in the legs you would have a foot drop long before you had wasting of the thigh.  You would have abnormal reflexes before you noticed the foot drop.  So, by all accounts just based on your story...considering all factors...this is a totally new thing that the doc didn't see within 10 days (unreal odds against that), coupled with what I have to assume is a normal reflex exam, coupled with no clinical weakness and no foot drop...I just don't see the concern.  I understand how HA is resistant to logic and reason.  I also go on record that without being able to examine you, all my insights are limited.  With that said, sounds like typical anxious perception issues coupled with possible asymmetric weight loss of the legs.

How is the therapy going?  Have you processed any of this with your therapist?
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My insight, thoughts, experiences or advice that may be posted in this forum are not meant as a substitution for the advice of your physician.

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http://www.anxietyzone.com/index.php/topic,93402.msg521266.html#msg521266

Offline LadyH

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Re: Shaking aching shrinking thigh! Big MND fears
« Reply #23 on: August 27, 2014, 02:37:49 PM »
Hi Shawn.
Have only had one session, a kind of initial assessment with a counsellor. Am waiting on my first proper session with my CBT counsellor. In the meantime I am self medicating with exercise and yoga.

Now that I've going this physical thing that I can focus on it's so hard to forget about when it's right there infront of me, with what I feel is a waste that I can see get worse everyday, and a tightness that gets tighter everyday.
I find it impossible not to self examine at every chance I get. This has lead to to doing squats in public bathrooms and step ups onto loo seats. There have been some low moments lately.
Hxx
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Offline LadyH

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Re: Shaking aching shrinking thigh! Big MND fears
« Reply #24 on: August 27, 2014, 05:01:14 PM »
Hi all,
The pictures are up now. I don't feel they show the extent of the dipping & denting & flatness, I can't seem to capture it in a photo.
Hxx
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Offline mollyfin

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Re: Shaking aching shrinking thigh! Big MND fears
« Reply #25 on: August 27, 2014, 06:34:28 PM »
Not to be rude, but those dents look like cellulite to me.  I have that, too. 
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Online bearsfb66

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Re: Shaking aching shrinking thigh! Big MND fears
« Reply #26 on: August 27, 2014, 06:57:50 PM »
Sorry you are going through this as I too am have my fears of ALS and health anxiety. Looking at most people's posts on this website just about everyone of us usually fall back on the ALS fear. I also will and do catch myself checking my arms and legs looking for atrophy and muscle loss. First off something I learned from my doctor and psychologist is our muscles are not the same size on both sides. Second really ask yourself if you are having muscle loss due to ALS would you be able to walk, I don't think so.  As I am currently going through my ALS fear one thing I am having difficulty doing is NOT going to the doctor. My psychologist stated going from doctor to doctor not trusting their diagnosis is just fueling our fears. They received years and years of training and knowledge to know when there is a serious medical problem. Doctors can tell once you walk in the office you have an issue if you had ALS. Stop looking at the ALS forums, searching the internet, and trying to find someone with the same symptoms like yours that ended up with ALS. The internet is not a controllable place and anyone can post in forums with a lot of what is being said is false or misinterpreted. I am in a 13 month ALS fear and only relief I found is from a Psychologist. My advice is find a good psychologist and put all your fears out on the table for them. Do yourself a favor and work on the anxiety because it will control your life. 
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Offline ShawnW

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Re: Shaking aching shrinking thigh! Big MND fears
« Reply #27 on: August 27, 2014, 11:21:06 PM »
Hi all,
The pictures are up now. I don't feel they show the extent of the dipping & denting & flatness, I can't seem to capture it in a photo.
Hxx

Nothing about those legs pics concerns me.  If I had a dollar for everyone who thought dents and asymmetry was *** I would be able to buy something nice.  Again, re-read my posts.  They are still valid.  But, as long as you are concentrating on that leg...it will feel funny to you.  That's just how this works.
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My insight, thoughts, experiences or advice that may be posted in this forum are not meant as a substitution for the advice of your physician.

Want to know how to address your anxiety?
http://www.anxietyzone.com/index.php/topic,93402.msg521266.html#msg521266

Offline LadyH

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Re: Shaking aching shrinking thigh! Big MND fears
« Reply #28 on: August 28, 2014, 10:00:38 AM »
Hi everyone, and thanks for your helpful comments as always.

@mollyfin, I see what you're saying and I have cellulite too, but that's not what this is. The dine there is a hard to the touch dip/ dent in the muscle. & I don't have the same on the right leg.

@bear, thanks for your nice comment. It's do hard not to run back to the doctor, but if this is HA I really do t want to get stuck in a cycle of running there all the time. I'm hoping therapy will help with that and sort out all these thoughts. I feel like I haven't thought about anything else in so long, I have no idea what I'm going to replace all the thinking with

@shawn, it's reassuring to hear you think there's nothing concerning there. I am trying to cling to the reasoning that you put forward so well, that this isn't the order on which things happen. This would be an impossible presentation of ***. But as I'm sure you know, it's very difficult to not think the worst and jump to the conclusions.


I do think what I'm feeling is very real, the sensations & pain in the leg. Today it is very sore and stiff and glinchy and tingly.
What do you all think about there potentially being a legitimate medical issue with my leg, that my HA is jumping on and turning in to ***?   Do you think there could be any kind if nerve/ muscle damage?
Super tricky as again I want to avoid docs, but struggle to see how I can go on ignoring the physical side of this.

Looking forwards to hearing back from you all
Hxx
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Offline ShawnW

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Re: Shaking aching shrinking thigh! Big MND fears
« Reply #29 on: August 28, 2014, 10:31:58 AM »
It is definitely real.  I think those who hear "it's anxiety" assume it's all in their heads...like they are making up symptoms.  No, these are real symptoms produced by hyper-exciteable muscles and nervous system.  When I couldn't shampoo my hair for more than a few seconds, or jumped at the slightest touch, when I woke up night after night with my right arm falling asleep, the dry mouth, the achy hands, the twitching, etc and so on those were all very real symptoms.  It wasn't until I started to accept their "benign" origin that I found some relief.  You will be ill and feel ill until you accept that you are ok.  Your fight or flight is on all the time.  It's telling you there is a threat...HEY look at this!  Hey look at that!  Search, look...research.  Your story is common...so common that it's cliche in the anxiety world.  Accept this and take an active approach to getting better.  Click on the link in my sig if you haven't read it yet and start implementing the things I talk about there.  Do so for a month.  If you don't feel better you can always go back to the old ways of doing things.  Trust me your neurosis will always take you back.
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My insight, thoughts, experiences or advice that may be posted in this forum are not meant as a substitution for the advice of your physician.

Want to know how to address your anxiety?
http://www.anxietyzone.com/index.php/topic,93402.msg521266.html#msg521266

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