My OCD?

[Nili]

Hi,

I know I have a form of OCD, but i'm not sure what to do or how serious it is, here is what happens:

I will always do things to a certain number (usually even numbers, always seems to be 2, 4 8 or 12). For example If i go out of the house and lock the door, I will push down on the handle 12 times to check its locked. I will do this with loads of other things like taps, light switches, firidge doors etc.

I have a to have a shower every day as soon as I get in from School, i just feel itchy and dirty if I don't even though i'm not really that dirty. And i have to put 2 "layers" of shower gel on me (one all over my body and then another) it used to be 4. After my shower i cannot touch anything relating to school without washing my hands twice afterwards (school clothes, bag, shoes etc). I also cannot have school stuff in my room like clothes for the next day (clean ones are okay, not the ones from the other day).

I have also got into a ritual where i have to pray everynight and then say everything 12-48 times or otherwise i feel my parents/family won't be protected, i'm hardly a religious person but i just feel I have to do this.

I must tidy my room and change my bed covers every friday, my room is very tidy; i wouldn't say its symmetrical but not messy or dirty.

Personal stuff which may relate to OCD:

I would consider myself a "loner", i do have quite a few friends but i never feel like leaving the house and always feel happy on my own.

I have been through depression where i did self harm (quite minor, taking small overdoses and cutting that didn't even draw blood).

I worry so much about what people think about me, this sounds really stupid but i'm always worrying that my voice sounds masculine enough and if i have a conversation (this is especially with someone i've just met) i can't stop thinking that they hate me or think bad stuff about me or think "look at that looser".

My parents are divorced (which doesn't bother me as it was before i was born and i like it) I'm quite close to my mum, i'd say we have loving relationship but not a social relationship, i will often go upstairs in the evening and she'll stay downstairs. I don't get on with my dad and recently fell out with him but they try to get me to go round.

Thanks for your time.

P.S. I heard David Beckam suffers from OCD

[rara]

I am not an expert, but the rituals you performs to relieve an anxiety is probobly as you think OCD. By "form" do you mean if it is a neurosis ore if it exceeds to a serious level? Because (as an unproffesional) I would never answer questions like those but advise you to examine youre self introspectivly, that is ask youre self how much this problem  is preventing youre daily lifestyle, youre happiness and of course SEE A LICENSE PROFFESIONAL.I just always have to emphesize that.
Just remember the fact that everyone deserves a chance to be happy.
My defenition of the border personaly is to examine how much controll one has lost, but thats me personal unproffesional point of view.

The shower thing i have definitly heard about before. Judging by experience i recongnize the autobiografi eg the lonlyness, self consciousness, avoiding people, the depression (but i recongnize it in sence of bordom, as a symtom of the OCD) and those precise rituals of actions.
I have to ask you do feel youre fingers itching if you dont touch something some thing an even number of times, do you do this sometimes unconsciously but not entirly and do you make up stuff that will happen if you dont?
I cant study if i dont tidy up the mess on my table, not the same but still...I get disorginized by the sight of the mess.
Do you avoid people because they get in the way of youre OCD ore the other way around?   
Maybe you should talk to youre mother, especially since you mention beeing close to youre mum i am sure that would help youre social relashionship. I am worried about the self harm, a wish you would see some one about that. I dont care how "minor" it is i dont ever want to see you hurting youre self.
I have to tell you a story i saw on tv told by a proffesional.  ;)

A man was sitting on the train throwing pieces of paper out the window. Then the conducter came and asked the man why he was doing that. The man answered: To get the pink elephants out of the railroad. The conductor answered: Thats ridicilus there are no elephants on the railroad.The man answered: Of course not.

You see the point, i know you probobly are aware of the fact that youre habits are irrational. Its just a good to have the rationality as a story sometimes instead of preachings.