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Author Topic: A huge realization .. Afraid of being alive .. piecing the puzzle together  (Read 329 times)

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Offline 59Ballons

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For those of you feeling AFRAID OF BEING ALIVE:

The way I feel when I feel like I'm afraid / don't want life itself is an illusion.

I'll try to break it down.

1.) I deep thought about life's existence, and I felt fake and scared, and I felt like life was pointless.

2.) I felt nervous and scared because of this feeling.

3.) Every day I thought about these thoughts, and more anxiety came.

4.) Everywhere I went, my thoughts about how life itself was pointless and scary followed me.

5.) I began to associate my very presence in this world WITH that panicky feeling.

6.) I feel panic out of nowhere and I assume that I don't want to live anymore and that I am anxious about being alive.

I am not anxious about being alive. I feel anxious because I associate life WITH this feeling. It goes away when I'm distracted because I don't get the chance to sit back and think about all of this. I feel like I have "something" to worry about because in the back of my mind, I still associate life with the anxiety.

At times I feel totally overwhelmed because I think how "my whole life is being questioned" when in reality, it's only my thoughts.

I also feel like when I feel okay for a while, I shouldn't feel okay because I know that I have anxiety to worry about, and I know that I thought that life was pointless in the past.

But again, I just keep reminding myself that all of this is just a feeling, and it is just anxiety.

My strategy is to continue to distract myself (I felt absolutely fantastic for 5 days straight at camp) and to NOT deep think about my anxiety feelings. I need to accept that they are there, but not put stock into them. If I feel like life is scary and pointless, and I feel anxious "living" I just need to remind myself that it is only anxiety.
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Distraction is life's best remedy.

Offline Tyktak

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Great breakdown. This is exactly me. You made me realize that I am associating life with the anxious feeling. It goes away when  I am distracted. Thanks for making me realize this.
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