I'm new here, and I need a safe place to vent. I'm not the one who suffers from anxiety, but my girlfriend does. We were best friends for 3 years, but that whole time we were always more than just friends. For a year now we've officially been a couple. Right when we got together I finished school with my Master's degree and took a job in another state. For a while my girlfriend and I were apart by almost 3 hours, and as she doesn't drive (due to her anxiety) it was up to me to drive back-and-forth whenever we wanted to see each other. Before I took the job we had plans to move in together so we could be close, and last April we did.
This was a big step for her. She's 22 years old, and has never left home before. Her parents both have anxiety and her dad is a drug addict. Her mom has to be the one to take care of paying the bills, doing all the phone calls, and shouldering all the responsibility in the relationship and covering-up for dad's behavior, and both my girlfriend and I see how tiring that is for the mom and how resentful she is. My girlfriend wasn't happy growing up, but that was what was familiar to her and so giving that up was hard. Even though she has a college degree she's never worked more than part-time in retail. She had to quit that job to be with me.
We've always been really happy together and have done lots of great things. We've had amazing dates to amusement parks, fancy restaurants, state parks. Since getting together we went on two vacations, one to Florida and a road trip to four major U.S. cities. We have the same interests, and we love spending time together. We have the same values and the same life goals. This is the person I want to marry, and she wants to marry me. Everything for us is compatible, but lately living with her anxiety has been a serious challenge. She's been unemployed since April. She had some cash reserves but now they're almost all gone. I've been taking care of 100% of the bills in our house and it's draining, because I've had emergencies that have popped up. She did manage to get a part-time retail position, but that's only going to cover her student loans and leave me still to carry the burden of paying all the bills. When all our bills are paid I'm left with only a couple hundred bucks, and that mostly has to go to paying down the credit card debt I've accumulated trying to take care of all our financial needs. I make a decent salary but it's not enough for two people to live comfortably on, and we need another income but she's too anxious to apply for jobs at her own skill level.
I'm worried cause this is getting exhausting for me. We went into this relationship thinking we'd be equals, and right now it doesn't feel that way. I knew she wouldn't have a job that paid as well as mine, but I need her to do something that's going bring in enough money to help with household bills. I'm getting resentful because I'm working hard at a full-time job and I come home and she's on the couch watching television. I work so hard every day just to make ends meet, and I love her but I don't feel like she's pulling her own weight in this relationship.
I'm tired of living this way. This is creating a lot of anxiety for me. I love this girl and she means so much to me, and if weren't for our financial situation I'd have to say things would be amazing. I try talking to her about what a burden this creates on me. We have all these dreams about being together and traveling the world, but I'm growing resentful of the person I love because of her anxiety. Lately I've been thinking of wanting to leave the relationship, but I don't want to do that because I know I'd regret it.
I know that moving away from home has been hard for her, and I tell her how much I appreciate her doing so. She left behind everything, just for me. She's been brave with learning how to drive and for the past couple weeks we've gone driving together for half-an-hour every-other night. She's done so many things and I tell her she's the bravest person I know because even though she has all these fears she's able to face them. I wish she would just be more proactive in finding a job that made some money so I don't feel burdened to be the sole income earner for our house.
I'm sorry if this focuses too much on the negative, and I'm sorry if it makes me look like a bad person. I just need somewhere to vent because I have no place to go. I love my girlfriend but I feel trapped by her anxiety, and I don't know what to do. I'm growing to resent someone I love quickly, and I want it to stop.