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Author Topic: Anxiety and panic about being alive itself? Extreme anxiety and hopelessness  (Read 150 times)

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Offline 59Ballons

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I'm 15.

For some reason, 4 months ago, I started thinking about life's existence. Like why we are here, ect. I would continue to deep think, and then that caused really strong Depersonalization and Derealization. Then, every day I would wake up and start thinking about that weird feeling, and I got into this cycle where I felt weird so much that I felt strange *being alive*. I started feeling super-conscious and super-aware of my own existence, and I started asking myself these weird questions like am I really a human? Is life all a game? And then, I became a Solipsist! (http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solipsism) I became this for a week, and I had to pull myself out of this. I continued to think about these weird questions, and I got into a loop of: Feel weird, ask questions, freak out, feel upset because I am questioning life itself, feel weird, repeat. I feel like I have two lives... One life is when I'm distracted from these feelings and I feel normal, and the second life filled with anxiety and self-awareness. I feel dread when I think ahead, and it's almost like I hate being alive! But that's crazy! I feel trapped in my own body! But all of this goes away 100% when I'm distracted. It's insane because I feel like I have to be distracted from my own thoughts in order to live. Sometimes I am able to let these thoughts be... But that only lasts a day or two. No matter how much I tell myself that these are just thoughts, I can't STAND feeling afraid of being alive. I can't relax because I know that I have these problems to be worried about. Are these anxiety symptoms?

 Thanks for reading. I needed to vent. Anyone else feel this way?
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Distraction is life's best remedy.

Offline Cuchculan

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At that age what you are going through is normal enough. I remember all those years ago. I would question life and how things were made up. What if it is all a big dream and I am really asleep. I think it is a stage a lot of people go through. Especially when younger. As you grow you will find your way in life. You might read a few books that answer some of the questions you have about life. That will give life meaning and you will begin to have a better understanding of everything around you. It is all part of growing up.
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Offline 59Ballons

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Ok. And it's obviously magnified for me and others with anxiety because I'm constantly over-analyzing every single thought that I have. I get a thought "life is strange" and I think "oh no oh no no I must be going crazy". I think "I just felt dread for no reason.... Let's analyze every part of my day to see if I felt it then too." Then I  tart coming up who more strange thoughts and they all build on each other... Which is why it all goes away when I'm distracted and not putting all this strain on my poor brain :'(

Thanks for answering!!
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Distraction is life's best remedy.

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