When you think no one understands ....read this.

[dhz]

I spent years dealing with GAD. Practiced breathing exercises, reading Hope and Help for your nerves by Claire Weeks until the soft covered books pages were worn and tattered. Day after day, week after week, month after month, having anxiety speak into my life with words of fear, panic attacks, hot flashes and loneliness.  In the end I would just end up running out of the restaurant, or choking down food at business lunches, sitting in subway cars, my car, feeling trapped, dizzy, spacey and panicing, afraid, lonely and desperate. No one to turn to. Family and friends couldn't fathom the complexity of my illness. My doctor at that time told me to go outside and get some fresh air. How ignorant of this my most personal nightmare. I later looked back and pitied him.

Years went by, and the silent, shameful and hidden world of therapy and meds, that no one dared to talk about, filtered its hope through one person to another. After countless visits to the hospital with questioning smiles from countless doctors, and their pitied smiles, who only saw what they could touch and not what they could hear me say, sent me packing to a Psychiatrist. I gave up hope then, sitting opposite a man who listened to my well worn story like grooves from a needle in an old vinyl record. I stared blankly waiting for his sifting eyes to read the familiar story of panic and fear and push me off into the lake of misunderstanding, aimlessly set adrift to be blown by the wind of despair.

Then, as all was lost, something wonderful happened. He smiled as he shifted in his chair and offered me hope, like a desert thirsting for rain. He said he understood. He said its a common mental ailment. He talked about therapy and medication, who i now call Med my friend. It brought me freedom to walk ,think, smile, breath, and live again.

The inside could finally go outside into public places.

Your friend in the war against Anxiety.
 

I really don't think that some people on here really understand how bad mine is.

[GADDY]

Great post!  I like the part about "the war against Anxiety"  Let's fight the war so that we can finally be at peace!

[mrgreen]

I spent years dealing with GAD. Practiced breathing exercises, reading Hope and Help for your nerves by Claire Weeks until the soft covered books pages were worn and tattered. Day after day, week after week, month after month, having anxiety speak into my life with words of fear, panic attacks, hot flashes and loneliness.  In the end I would just end up running out of the restaurant, or choking down food at business lunches, sitting in subway cars, my car, feeling trapped, dizzy, spacey and panicing, afraid, lonely and desperate. No one to turn to. Family and friends couldn't fathom the complexity of my illness. My doctor at that time told me to go outside and get some fresh air. How ignorant of this my most personal nightmare. I later looked back and pitied him.

Years went by, and the silent, shameful and hidden world of therapy and meds, that no one dared to talk about, filtered its hope through one person to another. After countless visits to the hospital with questioning smiles from countless doctors, and their pitied smiles, who only saw what they could touch and not what they could hear me say, sent me packing to a Psychiatrist. I gave up hope then, sitting opposite a man who listened to my well worn story like grooves from a needle in an old vinyl record. I stared blankly waiting for his sifting eyes to read the familiar story of panic and fear and push me off into the lake of misunderstanding, aimlessly set adrift to be blown by the wind of despair.

Then, as all was lost, something wonderful happened. He smiled as he shifted in his chair and offered me hope, like a desert thirsting for rain. He said he understood. He said its a common mental ailment. He talked about therapy and medication, who i now call Med my friend. It brought me freedom to walk ,think, smile, breath, and live again.

The inside could finally go outside into public places.

Your friend in the war against Anxiety.
 

I really don't think that some people on here really understand how bad mine is.

not sure if I understand your reply DHZ, are you saying that the quote above is too light for your illness?

[Noahs Mom]

I don't think one person's anxiety is "worse" or "better" than anothers... I think it's about personal perspective.  Like when you're 13 and your biggest stress in life is if so-and-so is talking about you behind your back... an adult might look back at that and say,"That's ridiculous!  Nothing to be stressed over...  Real stress happens at the office, or when you can't pay your mortgage".  To the adult, the worrying of friends is no big deal... but to the 13 year old -- that means everything because that is what their life is about at that moment.  It's all perspective.  We all suffer.  Our stories differ, but the suffering is all there - just in different forms, different worries, different words and of course - different acronyms.  It's what makes our lives unique to us, the challenges we need to grow as people.

[rml313]

I just joined today. if everyone on here is as caring as you are this will be a good place for me

[tigerpaw]

I liked your insightful post Noah's mom.  Well said.

[tigerpaw]

Hang in there newbies......post and come into chat sometime!!

[tigerpaw]

Dedicated to the NEWBIES.......hang in there we will see you in chat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[puntnf4]

I very much liked this post/thread and it's insightful message.

That said, my story is like the OP, except with a more cynical view of Psychiatrists (bad ending instead of good). Instead of helping me, they made me worse off. I think I'll create a thread about it, and link it. It's certainly an issue that confuses me to this day.

[tigerpaw]

I reserected this for the newbies!!

[banksia]

Can't you pin this thread?

[bmwe30es]

Very awesome post tigerpaw

[(HAWK)]

This is a great post!   I like the way you made it sound poetic.

[All Things Must Pass]

Not wanting to be disrespectful of any one person's experience, but  if you want to get over obstacles in front of you, you need to see them as challenges to be overcome, not blocks  or obstacles in your way. A big difference in your perceptions.  If you see them as challenges, you might be able to summons up you inner strengths, if you see them as obstacles you might feel like a victim.  The one thing I learned by seeing things as challenges is that It ignited the warrior within...that part of me that refused to be defeated. With that perception and approach, I surrmounted many things. I discovered I was so much more that I gave myself credit for.  Challenge yourself to be better than the limited person others impose on you. Be the best you can be, and prove everyone wrong eventually. there's a whole lot of satisfaction to be gained in that. It increases self esteem and inspires confidence when confronted with other challenges.  Know this: You don't know what you can do, until you grasp the challenge full on and put your best effort into it.

[shrublet]

Excellent post, All Things.

[Penny10]

I am a newbie,
Thank you for this post and yes you should write a book.

[Thatgirl]

This is my first post on this forum...and the new wonderful symptom of feeling completely and utterly alone has begun to set into my life. I'm so glad there are people out there who are open and willing to talk about these things. I struggle to feel anything but ashamed that I can't "fit in" around "normal" people, and that it causes me so many problems. And I thank you, in this post for talking about meds in a good light....I still have a lot of stigmas against taking mine, because it makes me feel weak. So, thank you very very much for sharing with us.

[SickyChicky]

I spent years dealing with GAD. Practiced breathing exercises, reading Hope and Help for your nerves by Claire Weeks until the soft covered books pages were worn and tattered. Day after day, week after week, month after month, having anxiety speak into my life with words of fear, panic attacks, hot flashes and loneliness.  In the end I would just end up running out of the restaurant, or choking down food at business lunches, sitting in subway cars, my car, feeling trapped, dizzy, spacey and panicing, afraid, lonely and desperate. No one to turn to. Family and friends couldn't fathom the complexity of my illness. My doctor at that time told me to go outside and get some fresh air. How ignorant of this my most personal nightmare. I later looked back and pitied him.

Years went by, and the silent, shameful and hidden world of therapy and meds, that no one dared to talk about, filtered its hope through one person to another. After countless visits to the hospital with questioning smiles from countless doctors, and their pitied smiles, who only saw what they could touch and not what they could hear me say, sent me packing to a Psychiatrist. I gave up hope then, sitting opposite a man who listened to my well worn story like grooves from a needle in an old vinyl record. I stared blankly waiting for his sifting eyes to read the familiar story of panic and fear and push me off into the lake of misunderstanding, aimlessly set adrift to be blown by the wind of despair.

Then, as all was lost, something wonderful happened. He smiled as he shifted in his chair and offered me hope, like a desert thirsting for rain. He said he understood. He said its a common mental ailment. He talked about therapy and medication, who i now call Med my friend. It brought me freedom to walk ,think, smile, breath, and live again.

The inside could finally go outside into public places.

Your friend in the war against Anxiety.
 

I love this! Thanks for the great writing 

[All Things Must Pass]

Can I first say you have a talent for writing. Maybe you should write a book because your words took me to the to very heart of your experience. Having said that: might I suggest (because I've been where you have been) that an answer to your suffering could lie in your perception that your experience is wrong or flawed in some way. 
Can I make a suggestion: Imagine this - that you are perfect, that there's nothing wrong with you, other than what you BELIEVE is wrong with you. I've found acceptance to be a perfect cure. Coming to believe in  yourself as being OK is such a relief. It means you don't have to do anything to make yourself right, because you are right already. Its just that you don't know it because your too ready to believe in what someone else says. Don't fall for that! We all have unique qualities. Don't do yourself the injustice by asigning good or bad/right or wrong to who you are.
Just have to courage to express the qualities your were born with. One day you will find yourself on your death-bed. Will you take pride in being like everyone else, or will be be proud that you took the risk of being yourself?

[FiGaDoWdMe]

What kind of medication worked for you? I'm 17 and have been having anxiety for years. It's no stranger to me by any means. I've been on Zoloft on and off for the last 3 years and other random medications. The Zoloft is no longer working for me. I work with cognitive therapy through FSU, talk to lots of people, have a strong support system that without I question wether or not I'd still be alive, yet I can't seem to shake this 2 month anxiety binge that I'm on. If I don't do something fast I am going to flunk the next half of my senior year because it has gotten to the point where I can no longer go to school. Please help.

[Merlin01]

Hi Tigerpaw.

Firstime on this forum (or any online forum). Your's was the first article I read.

I have had GAD since 2003 (when it was diagnosed by my doctor). Could not sleep, always tense, had panic attacks (which i thoght was heart attacks) every night for nearly 5 months. Coud not sit long in meetings or even spend time with my friends. Career and my home life suffered. Parents were so worried. The worst part was not knowing what was causing it as their was no physical or mental trigger. Could not explain it to anybody. If you have never had a real anxiety attack you would not understand. Ople just kept on saying it is all in your mind and you must take control. HAH!!!

The my doctor put me on medication (similar to Prozac). At first I thought it was not working. 2 months went by and the suddenly it stopped. My life returned to normal. Had small panic attacks but less than 3 a year. Easy to control. took the meds everyday since then.

Then suddenly it started in November last year (2009) again with a vengance. Out of nowhere. Like starting from scratch. Waiting to see my doctor later this month to see if upping dosage will assist.

When I read your article, I was comforted by the fact that I am not the only one out there with this and that someone actually understands.

My questions would be, why now again? What changed? Does everybody get these relapses?

[tigerpaw]

Thanks for your reply merlin.  I was med free from prozac 60mgs a day for 5 years or so and I had a relapse and yes it felt like it was hitting me with a vengence.  I did have some personal issues, work had become extremely stressful, etc, and I completely tanked.  It took 2 months from scratch to get back on track but this time the prozac wasn't working and they put me on 400 mgs of seroquel XR each night. It took 2 weeks to ramp up to that.  So relapses can happen, but you can still be as good as normal again. I still don't have all the answers as to why or when or how the relapse came but, I know its not the end of the road, we can get better again.

[NYButterfly]

Wow, bravo! Great post!

[tiffany]

Wow this is so very good. I think I am still trying to figure out how to get to the Ok point. I tried the meds went from Lexapro, Cymbalta, Zoloft, Pristiq and as soon as i got used to them then - it went downhill to just all side effects. Like they never did anything to control or remove my anxiety... So, I got off everything this summer. I am drug free now- but I still have GAD and am trying to learn how to cope and survive with this disorder. It is reassuring though to read your post of how you have gotten control over some of your anxiety.. i wish or hope I can learn from you all how to get better myself. Thanks for sharing your spirit.

Tiffany Lane
It's what u do not what u say that defines u - Batman...

[toribrook]

hi thanks for a gr8 post,it gives gr8 understanding to an illness i thought no one could describe the way i feel,i have gad 10 yrs ,well diagnosed that is.sum days are really bad.others just about able to get through,I'm on 60 mg Prozac.had counselling,group therapy, etc,dis is a really bad week ,don't no why considering i got good news of my sons illness dis week,am i just gone DAT miserable,i cant explain why i feel so fecked up.anyway sorry 4 goin on ,an ta for d post .wish you d best, u should b  proud of your post .brill