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Offline HotaroFirefly

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New
« on: July 07, 2014, 06:33:45 PM »
Well, I'm new here. My name is Timothy Martin and I live in North Carolina. I am 28 years old and have a fiance that has been far more than supportive of my issues. I'm an undiagnosed agoraphobe, and it has landed me as a homebound person for the past year. I have only left our home once in that year, and that was an ambulance trip to the hospital, in which I was actually forced to go. I am getting more and more depressed about my life, and my suicidal thoughts are starting to get the better of me, and although I feel like I have the will power to never act on those thoughts and impulses, I'm afraid that that will power is waning, and that it is going to end up pushing my fiance out of my life. I think that I started this journey to agoraphobia at my brothers wedding, and truly believe, that it "left a bad taste in my mouth." Ever since that day, and including that day, whenever I left home, or went outside, if I didn't have water with me, I was get sick. About a year later, with this condition still existing but not getting the better of me, my brother, best friend, and I went a got a tattoo. I had recently lost about 100 pounds, wasn't eating reguarly and was sick the day of; that said, I totally passed out after the tattoo, when I stood up. Anyways, ever since that day, I would have panic attacks whenever I left home. After finally moving out of my parents home and my fiance and I got us our own place, it started going even more downhill. I was able to go outside and check the mail, panic free; or cut the grass, panic free. I'm not sure what gave, but at some point or another, my panic attacks started hitting me whatever I did, and now, I have to stay inside in order to feel safe. Because I'm undiagnosed, I don't have disability either. I'm here in hope of help, in both mental support and potential advice on what I can do. As of now, it seems that the only way that I can get help, in the area that I'm in, is to actually go to a therapists, which just isn't going to happen. I mean, I've been sick for over five weeks now, still sick as I type this, and I still can't talk myself into going to the hospital. I'm hoping that this helps me, because talking about this with my fiance brings her to tears. My mother is also starting to consider having me declared legally incompetent to make my own decisions; just another avenue for stress; yay me.
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Offline Twinhere

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Re: New
« Reply #1 on: July 08, 2014, 12:27:27 AM »
Read my previous post. I just come back to help because I always said if things got better I would help others. Yes you could stay indoor and avoid the panic, but if it's going to lead to *****, then isn't that what we feel in panic? Like dying..  I just left home, went to stores, went back to work where I had several attacks. And you can think that mine aren't as bad, but I was having them all day long. Anyways, like I've said before, you can't just "not think about it" as a matter of fact, think of it all the time and get bored of it. It will happen so damn often that you will literally not care anymore. I still get edgy doing new things but I haven't panicked in over a year. Just take it one step at a time and ride out those panic attacks. So what if you can't breath or feel spaced out. Let it run it's course. Learn everything you can about anxiety so when it comes you know what's going on and if it kills you.. Well, nothing you can do about it right? So live your life.
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Offline Solomon

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Re: New
« Reply #2 on: July 08, 2014, 10:45:35 AM »
Hi Timothy, I too have suffered with agoraphobia.  Although mine wasn't as severe as yours, if I had not received help, I was headed down that path.  I want to share with you the formula that I used to help me get better.  Mind, Body, Spirit.  I will address the last two first.  Body - exercise and diet.  If your body feels better, you will feel better, stronger, more confident.  Spirit - increase your spirituality.  It's important to know who holds tomorrow even though you don't know what tomorrow will bring.  Mind - for me, this was the toughest one, because the other two I was very strong at for years.  I finally humbled myself to get help, and when I did, the other two parts got even stronger.  I've been on medication now for the past 1.5 years and I have never felt better.  I didn't know how good life could be.  I went to see a psychiatrist, and through some trial and error, found the right meds. 

You probably will need a strong sedative at first to leave the house.  I take a mild one now everyday, it makes me feel better.

Best of luck to you and God Bless!
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Offline alicat22

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Re: New
« Reply #3 on: July 21, 2014, 08:19:04 PM »
Hi Timothy. I have been agoraphobic for about 35 years, since I was 15 years old. There have been times I couldn't walk out of my house, and there have been times I got on a plane and flew across the country. I have thought of giving up and glad I didn't - I have a job that I have had for 28 years, a nice place to live and 2 beautiful children. Don't get me wrong, life is VERY challenging, but don;t give up, these things seem to go in waves. I once found an 'outreach' therapist in my area who would meet me at my house and go with me and do things that were difficult like driving or going to the store. I was also helped my medication (an occasional xanax would help me on the rougher days). I too have an understanding partner, my husband's support made a lot of things possible - that helps a lot. There are also some great books and workbooks out there. Try a few and I'm sure you'll find one you can relate to. It is a learning process to see what works best for you. Good luck and let us now how you're doing.
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