So, life is grand. From the outside. Good job, good health, mostly, no worries.
On the 4th I sat with my meditation group, we got together and saw fireworks. On the way home, top of the world. I am on 100 mgs Pristiq, 1.5 mgs klonopin. Woke up the next morning, busy day ahead but all good stuff. Instant dread, fear, depression. Intensified through the day. My 12th anniversary of sobriety, managed to speak OK at meeting. Went to dinner with group. Got home, defcon 4.
Uncontrollable tremor, horrible fear, skin searing hot but body freezing. Terrified. On a scale of 10, a solid 8 or 9. How could things go so bad so fast?
Was on Abilify, gained too much weight, messed up my sleep. Have been off it for a little over two weeks. Like waiting for the shoe to drop. It dropped. Doc and I discussed lamictal, new drug called Latuda, which is for schizophrenia and bipolar depression. Similar to Abilify, but no weight/blood side effects. Took 20 mgs, calmed down almost immediately. Slept OK, enough anyway. Wide open Sunday ahead. Feeling hot again, scared of what's going to happen today.
My meltdowns are cyclical. And they last for days and days. Live alone, no pets. Not many friends, not close ones anyway. Gorgeous day outside. What's to be afraid of? Going to church this morning, after that... eek.
Just needed to share. Maybe should post this in med section too. Think positive, this med WILL work. Worst of meltdown is OVER. Today will be OK. Do laundry, work out, see dumb movie, keep moving forward. Never quit. Even after eighteen years of this, never quit. Stay patient, keep trying, don't give up.