First off, I know I've been posting a lot about the same things and I'm sorry if I'm getting annoying. I'm just really scared. As you can see from the last few topics I've started, I've been terrified lately of the fact that one day I'll die. It's gotten to the point where I just can't do things normally anymore. This terrible fear of death has taken over my life. I'm always quiet now. As my mother puts it, it seems like I'm somewhere else. I always appear to be zoned out but in my head sickening thoughts are louder than ever. Nothing interests me anymore. Nothing bothers me (which should be a good thing but isn't when you feel like this). Nothing matters except death. I should be happy. I'm on a trip in one of my favourite places, but I can't enjoy it. I'm just too scared, and "scared" is definitely an understatement. My family and I went to a nice restaurant for dinner, one of our favourites in the area, and the whole time I thought about death. I ordered just an appetiser and I couldn't even finish it. That's how it is- I can't eat because I always have a sick feeling in my stomach from being so afraid. On the way back, my parents fought and insulted each other (they have the worst marriage) and I wasn't bothered. We heard my favourite CD in the car and was too scared to care. We passed by some gorgeous scenery, which usually I love. I didn't care. I'm not trying to be dramatic. That's how I feel. This is the worst fear I've ever felt in my life, no joking. I wonder how I could have ever felt happy before when I knew I would die. I see people being happy, kids laughing and playing. How can they? They're all doomed. Whenever I see a baby I wish I were them. They don't know anything what horrific thing is going to happen to then someday. They're blissfully unaware. I feel like life is a tunnel made of unbreakable steel. I'm being being sucked down it. At the end is a black hole- death. I can't escape. I feel like panicking and crying. Why did God put me on Earth if He knew i couldn't handle it? I can't take this but there's no escape. I felt a little better during the day today. Earlier i had read an article about how we will live forever in 20 years and had almost convinced myself it was true. Shortly before we left I remembered that the sun will explode in 5 billion years, and I started to freak out about that and then the fear started again. No matter what, something horrible will happen to us anyway. No escape. Nothing anyone says or does, nothing I do to comfort or distract myself helps. "Everything will be ok" is just a lie. I'm beyond help. Someone please tell me we'll really live forever and the sun won't explode, just so I can sleep tonight (I haven't in days). Someone say the magic words that'll make me feel better. I'm sorry for the rant.