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Author Topic: Is this normal?  (Read 290 times)

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Offline Mairi

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Is this normal?
« on: July 05, 2014, 02:39:21 AM »
First off, I know I've been posting a lot about the same things and I'm sorry if I'm getting annoying. I'm just really scared. As you can see from the last few topics I've started, I've been terrified lately of the fact that one day I'll die. It's gotten to the point where I just can't do things normally anymore. This terrible fear of death has taken over my life. I'm always quiet now. As my mother puts it, it seems like I'm somewhere else. I always appear to be zoned out but in my head sickening thoughts are louder than ever. Nothing interests me anymore. Nothing bothers me (which should be a good thing but isn't when you feel like this). Nothing matters except death. I should be happy. I'm on a trip in one of my favourite places, but I can't enjoy it. I'm just too scared, and "scared" is definitely an understatement. My family and I went to a nice restaurant for dinner, one of our favourites in the area, and the whole time I thought about death. I ordered just an appetiser and I couldn't even finish it. That's how it is- I can't eat because I always have a sick feeling in my stomach from being so afraid. On the way back, my parents fought and insulted each other (they have the worst marriage) and I wasn't bothered. We heard my favourite CD in the car and was too scared to care. We passed by some gorgeous scenery, which usually I love. I didn't care. I'm not trying to be dramatic. That's how I feel. This is the worst fear I've ever felt in my life, no joking. I wonder how I could have ever felt happy before when I knew I would die. I see people being happy, kids laughing and playing. How can they? They're all doomed. Whenever I see a baby I wish I were them. They don't know anything what horrific thing is going to happen to then someday. They're blissfully unaware. I feel like life is a tunnel made of unbreakable steel. I'm being being sucked down it. At the end is a black hole- death. I can't escape. I feel like panicking and crying. Why did God put me on Earth if He knew i couldn't handle it? I can't take this but there's no escape. I felt a little better during the day today. Earlier i had read an article about how we will live forever in 20 years and had almost convinced myself it was true. Shortly before we left I remembered that the sun will explode in 5 billion years, and I started to freak out about that and then the fear started again. No matter what, something horrible will happen to us anyway. No escape. Nothing anyone says or does, nothing I do to comfort or distract myself helps. "Everything will be ok" is just a lie. I'm beyond help. Someone please tell me we'll really live forever and the sun won't explode, just so I can sleep tonight (I haven't in days). Someone say the magic words that'll make me feel better. I'm sorry for the rant.
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Offline Tiredofbeingexhausted

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Re: Is this normal?
« Reply #1 on: July 05, 2014, 02:50:05 AM »
I've gone through this. Yes it's normal, with anxiety. Obsessive thoughts like this hinder us and it takes over. I go through this from time to time. It used to be bad like yours. There's always something. No one can do anything about it. Find religion if you have to, or just a hobby. It's hard but you can overcome most of that feeling. It takes awhile though. Hang in there <3
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Offline Mairi

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Re: Is this normal?
« Reply #2 on: July 05, 2014, 02:03:47 PM »
Thanks for your support. I'm glad I have the people on this forum. ;-) If you don't mind me asking, what sorts of obsessive thoughts did you have?
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Offline Hopeful77

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Re: Is this normal?
« Reply #3 on: July 05, 2014, 09:15:27 PM »
Hi Mairi.  I thought I was the only one who worried about the sun burning out in 5 billion years.  I remember learning about that in school and it really freaked me out for awhile.  I am sorry that you are in so much pain.  I hesitate talking about religion too much on this site because I know people have different beliefs and I want to be respectful of them.  You are talking about a question that all of us have to face.  We are all going to die one day, so what is the point and how do we keep going?   All I can tell you is that for me, I found my answer in the Christian faith.  I believe that there is a God who made us and who loves us.   That doesn't mean horrible stuff won't happen in this life, but knowing that God loves me gives me an anchor to hold onto when it feels like my world is spinning out of control.  I wish I could help you more.  I hope you can find peace soon.
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Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.  1 Peter 5:7

Offline Mairi

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Re: Is this normal?
« Reply #4 on: July 06, 2014, 12:45:00 AM »
I thought I was the only one worried about the sun, too! It's just such a scary thought. And I am Catholic so I try to take comfort in Catholic-y things, but it just hasn't been working lately. This fear is still getting worse. I wish I could go back in time even just a week ago. Before this realisation hit me, I was so happy. I thought I wasn't but I was. I thought I was anxious then but I wasn't. Things were perfect, and now I'm just too scared to be happy. Everything just feels so sad and scary and horrible. :'-(
Thank you both for your empathetic replies. They helped a tiny bit and again I'm glad I have you guys.
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Offline Tiredofbeingexhausted

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Re: Is this normal?
« Reply #5 on: July 06, 2014, 03:02:27 AM »
I would always think "what's the point of life? We all die and live for what?" I just learned to make the most of it. I still get terrified though.
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Offline Anxious Freak

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Re: Is this normal?
« Reply #6 on: July 06, 2014, 03:31:14 AM »
One of the worst things about anxiety is thinking about death, why you ask?
Well because its the one thing none of us can avoid, there is no Dr to fix it or anyone to help prevent it, there is no pills to keep us alive longer, we also have no idea when it will happen, how it will happen, and that makes our problem even worse.
People with anxiety, like myself need to feel secure and safe at all times, death pushes us daily with being afraid
of our own environments....
Its inevitable and is hard to except.

Most say to live and try your best to enjoy it, make the best of what we have with a smile.

Death scares me all the time, my biggest fear is what happens after we die and were do we go and if there is anything after, maybe if we knew then we would not be so afraid.

I guess what I'm trying to say is sometimes even when we know we are DOOMED then we should live it up
and have as good as a time as possible, its not going to change anything being anxious about something that might happen 40-50 years from now.

One other thing is if I have to live with this anxiety for 40-50 more years I might just be ready to die :)

I seen a therapist years ago that said "once you get older everything hurts and you stop caring so much" she was
a smart lady and I hope she is correct.

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GAD SUCKS

Offline Mairi

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Re: Is this normal?
« Reply #7 on: July 06, 2014, 11:25:07 AM »
"One other thing is if I have to live with this anxiety for 40-50 more years I might just be ready to die."- Ha! That's what I was thinking. Thank you everyone for your helpful replies. I just have one more question. Does anyone have any tips on how to get to sleep at night? I have only slept once this week because of my fear, and after last night I just that thought "That's it! I've had enough!" At night I get even more afraid and my stomach feels completely icky and I'm restless even though I feel weak. In order for me to sleep I need to feel like everything's ok, but in this case it isn't.
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Offline Anxious Freak

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Re: Is this normal?
« Reply #8 on: July 06, 2014, 06:03:23 PM »
Xanax always helps me sleep at night...
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GAD SUCKS

Offline nopuedodormir

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Re: Is this normal?
« Reply #9 on: July 07, 2014, 04:14:54 AM »
Same here with the death thoughts. I thought it was depression but its not that I want to die. I spent much of my 20s and early 30s in a fog and when I was 36/37 mid life hit early and Ive been racing ever since to "make up for lost time" with the fear to dying without ever having done anything with my life.  A lot of that is normal in mid life, but its a little more intense for me since my mother died in her early 40s (Im now a bit other than she will ever be) and with no real family support, I dont have a relationship of what it is to be an older adult.

I am doing things I love now but they also cause me stress as I worry that this new found success will suddenly disappear (or worse, I will unconsciously sabotage it).

Add the usual worries about the crazy state of the world.
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