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Author Topic: I don't want my mom to die!!!  (Read 144 times)

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Offline YummySoup

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I don't want my mom to die!!!
« on: July 02, 2014, 09:58:39 AM »
I'm 13 and next year, my mom will be 55. She's really healthy and excercises regularly but she has high blood pressure. But, at that age, I've read many stories about peoples parents suddenly falling sick. My mom nags at me a lot but she had suffered a lot due to my dad's family and until now, my dad still is an irritant to her and she still does not have the life she wants. I'm really close to her but I rarely spend quality time with her. No matter what I do to console myself, I cannot deny the fact that death will take her one day and I don't want to be left alone. This worrying has gotten so bad that I been having breakdowns and just crying.
I just don't want her to leave me and I want her to have the good life she deserves with me and my brothers who also dearly love her. I have also spoken to my mom about this. but still, she says that "death will come and collect me one day. But you all are still young. No need to be sad. Death is natural"   :traurig001:
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Offline kconnors

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Re: I don't want my mom to die!!!
« Reply #1 on: July 02, 2014, 03:28:04 PM »
Hi,

What a kind and loving daughter you are!

What Mom says is true --- it is our nature to come into this world, live it as best we can, and then leave it to the next generation . . . but I do understand what you are saying  .  . .,

You want Mom to have a great life, but I think the way you contribute to that is looking at the situation a bit differently:

1.  Your Mom is healthy and exercises. High blood pressure is not uncommon and is well managed . . .there are just as many stories of peoples parents living long and uneventful lives so don't focus just on the negative. We cannot control Nature but we can control our behaviour. So, make time to spend quality time with her. It does not have to be big things. If she goes to exercise classes, see if you can go with her. Invite her out for a girls' shopping trip even if you buy nothing.

2.  You don't want to be left alone because right now your strongest emotional ties are with your Mom. Although this may not be something you might easily envision, but if parents do their jobs appropriately, then their children are never alone even once they have died. Your Mom is emotionally, psychologically, and physically linked to you.

3.  From my perspective, the very best that you can do is to try to see things from your Mom's point of view: she does not want her 13 year old daughter to worry about something that no one can control. She wants you to grow into a happy, productive person. If the worrying is out of hand, ask her if you might be able to speak with a trained professional . . . not for meds, etc., but for some management techniques to help you to look at what you are worrying about and why . . . 

Your Mom will have a great life when she sees her children as happy and leading productive lives and she too will live the life she wants as she takes care of those issues that are stopping her . . . but, just as you have to deal with your worrying, she has to deal with your dad's family and your dad . . . . so, both of you really need each other to manage your worries . . .

I know that this probably does not help you a great deal . . . but, dealing with these big ideas of life and death is a process and it takes time . . . ask questions but don't assume that anything you read or hear is the complete truth. . . . right now, the best that I can see is that you and your Mom spend some quality time together so both of you can enjoy each other's good times . . . .

Please check in when you can . . . even if it is a quick hello and let us know how you are doing . .. . take care, kc
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Offline YummySoup

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Re: I don't want my mom to die!!!
« Reply #2 on: July 03, 2014, 04:08:56 AM »
Mmmm thanks! Rihgt now, I'm spending more time with her and studying more often (I;m a boy  :spineyes:) and what you've said really helped me think through some things.
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Offline kconnors

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Re: I don't want my mom to die!!!
« Reply #3 on: July 03, 2014, 08:56:01 AM »
Hi,

So sorry that I said "daughter" . . . . but you are a truly loving son . . . .I see that you are in a very protective mode which signals a kind and caring human being . . .  you know, at times, it is more difficult when you are a male and there are issues between the Mom and the Dad . . . . as much as we may not like society to be this way, sometimes male children receive mixed messages . . . you know the type of "a guy does not express emotions" or "you have to be tough"  . . . of all the positive role models of men in my life, the strongest ones are also the kindest and not afraid to be sensitive to other people's needs . . . they have a strength of character that allows them to be well balanced . . . because I am in an older generation from you, I have seen many waves of what society considers the male role to be . . . . the best is the character and skills that you are beginning to develop . . . protective attitude towards another person, showing love towards a parent but also towards your siblings because you care about what they are going through, and self-confidence to come to a forum and express yourself and a willingness to engage in thoughtful reflection . . . you are young . . . not so much in years, but in life experiences but I am sure that you will develop strong characteristics that will help you manage your anxiousness with respect to your Mom . . . .at 13, our brains are still developing . . . in fact, usually we have up until 25 to set patterns . . . . be kind to yourself and acknowledge the issues, but do live life . . . . and it is great to spend time with Mom . . . .I am sure that there are interests that you hold in common and it does not have to be a complex outing . . . .simply sitting and chatting is a great way for you to get to know her and give her the opportunity to realize what a super son she has . . .check in when you can . . take care, kc
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