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Author Topic: Worried about Melanoma on daughter  (Read 177 times)

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Offline worriedtoo

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Worried about Melanoma on daughter
« on: July 02, 2014, 03:04:08 AM »
I'm not too sure what has triggered me this time, possibly that I had a mole removed a while ago that my derm was concerned about. He had been monitoring it for about a year with 3 monthly checks. Nothing had changed until my last check which he had told me that if it hadn't changed by then it never would. Well I went in there feeling relaxed and confident expecting the all clear. Not to be. He took a look, compared it to the last photo and said 'That has to come off now' . I hit the panics and long story short it was dysplastic but not Melanoma. I went back last week for my annual check and after he checked another one which he was also suspicious of I asked if he could just take it off. That is scheduled for tomorrow. During the wait for my excision I have become fixated on my daughter's skin. She is 7 years old and has two freckles/moles under her ear. One of these I have always been aware of but the other I remember noticing around 6 months ago. I am kicking myself for not having it looked at sooner. It is light brown and not nasty looking or anything, and I know that Melanoma is very rare in children but I also know that in children it does not always look sinister. I am checking and re checking it to the point where I am annoying her. I have photographed it and have moments of sheer panic where I want to go and beg the derm to see her. Their earliest appointment is next week but am contemplating asking him to just look at her spot when he does my excision tomorrow. Am so panicky and hate what HA does to me. It renders me useless. My housework gets ignored, I can't concentrate and I can't share my fears as everyone thinks I'm a bit loopy. I have to try really hard to stop myself thinking about my beautiful little girl undergoing horrible treatment. Does anyone else ever have their HA transfer to their loved ones and not just themselves? This is very isolating. 
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Offline Smalm

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Re: Worried about Melanoma on daughter
« Reply #1 on: July 02, 2014, 10:10:37 AM »
I'm a teenager so I only have siblings to pick on  :spineyes: but my cat which is about a year old, my fear transfers to her for I keep her inside and If I take her outside I eitheir follow her or I just carry her down the driveway and back. I fear she will get into a cat fight for I've heard some nasty ones when she was outside back when I would let her do that. I also fear she will catch a disease from an animal like the Plauge or Rabies because cats love to hunt so much and she isn't vaccinated. So yes my fear rubs off on my car who is confined to the house just because she's the closest friend I've ever had as an animal companion.
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On medication, which is doing great! I love the major improvements it has made for me and he people around me for when I have anxiety I make others suffer, but not anymore!

Offline mollyfin

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Re: Worried about Melanoma on daughter
« Reply #2 on: July 02, 2014, 12:30:30 PM »
Quote
I am checking and re checking it to the point where I am annoying her.

Dude.  Stop that.  Seriously.  Do you want her developing the same issues you have?  You have control over your actions; exercise it.  Take her to a doctor or don't; odds are it's nothing either way; but you have got to stop obsessing over her in front of her.  It isn't good for her.
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Offline Josie57

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Re: Worried about Melanoma on daughter
« Reply #3 on: July 02, 2014, 08:39:01 PM »
it is rare for a child to develop melanoma.  these are likely congenital nevi and will potentially need to be monitored when she's older.  my son has a couple (also 7) and one in particular on his back is so nasty looking that if it were on me I'd be planning my funeral.  both his pediatrician and his dermatologist have seen it and said it is nothing to worry about.  for piece of mind, have her pediatrician look at it and determine if you should seek a derm consult.
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Offline worriedtoo

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Re: Worried about Melanoma on daughter
« Reply #4 on: July 02, 2014, 08:53:33 PM »
Thank you for replying, I have since calmed down and tried to be more logical with my thinking. Mollyfin I understand what you are saying and I feel guilty enough about the impact my HA may have on my children, we all have control over our actions and are able to exercise it and yet so many of us lose entire days Googling, worrying, testing and checking. This is the first time my worries have become about one of my kids and I feel bad enough about it. I have stopped checking her and agree I don't want this to pass on, although I found the way in which you expressed yourself a little harsh. If we could all 'just stop' this site wouldn't exist.
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Offline mollyfin

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Re: Worried about Melanoma on daughter
« Reply #5 on: July 03, 2014, 09:10:03 PM »
You can't just stop having health anxiety, but you CAN just stop your behavior. 

I'm sorry if I seem harsh, but what you're doing is how my mother imparted severe HA onto me.  If you keep on like this your daughter may end up just like us.  And I know you don't want that.  So you need to get your behavior under control.  It's one thing when it just affects us, but we can't drag others down with us.  See a therapist if you think it will help. 
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