Chat Now!   Member Gallery    Member Articles    Games   Member Groups   Member Blogs   Health News    Wire  Bored?

Author Topic: making a scene in my mind  (Read 94 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline poetpaul

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 10
  • Country: gb
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Male
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
making a scene in my mind
« on: July 01, 2014, 02:53:46 PM »
Does anyone else make scenes in your mind that cause anxiety ? i do thinking of the worst thing like a crowd of people getting me and telling me the worst thing i fear becomes true , i do this most days , also thinking people are looking at me and im ugly or weird or a negative person and a fear of going to prison for life and losing my wife. what can i do to make this go?
Bookmark and Share

Offline kconnors

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1432
  • Country: ca
  • Rec's: 57
  • Gender: Female
  • Mood: Calm
    Calm
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: making a scene in my mind
« Reply #1 on: July 01, 2014, 05:56:09 PM »
Hi,

This is a really bad feeling . . . for me it was playing out the worst case scenario and then wondering if it might happen . . .for me, this was a symptom of my anxiety because I had gone through some experiences that were out of my control and I figured if I could figure out how to beat a worst case scenario and all the mini-scenarios in between, then I would never be in that position again . . . only problem with this (I call it the Mr. Spock from Star Trek approach), it is impossible to control for all the variables and all the combinations of variables . . . when I realized this I also realized that I was allowing my life to pass me by in anticipating rather than living it . . . I accepted that given the laws of probability something on my long list of scenarios * may * happen but in all likelihood would not happen . . . sometimes anxiety engages in self-fulfilling prophecy . . . I was on one assignment that I was sure that I was going to mess up and I did . . . only because I tried to control all the variables and I couldn't . . . I spent so much time in chasing my tail, that I did not get the task done . . . .

You cannot know what other people are thinking . . . .but, you can consider some outside objective help to develop strategies to manage this type of symptom . . . you fear of going to prison for life . . . is this a reality? have you committed a crime in your past and you fear going to prison? If not, you need to figure out where this is coming from? Often, it is not the fear of going to prison; often that is just a way your mind has of framing something going on that is triggering anxiety . . .

I cannot tell you what to do to get rid of this other than consulting a med professional . . . for me, I used cognitive behaviour theory (CBT) . . . .I figured out why I had these feelings and my need for what if scenarios . . . I accepted that it was my mind trying to communicate with me but we were speaking two different languages . . . . as I began to appreciate the triggers for the symptoms and manage them, I ceased to play out what if scenarios . . . .for me, it was the decision between letting life just go by me and living it and accepting that I could not control life to the degree of certainty that I wanted . . .was it easy? Not for me . . .did it take a lot of effort, some tears, and a lot of questioning? Yep . . .was it worth it? For me, most definitely.

I am sorry I cannot give you a blueprint but we are all different and unique in our lived experiences  . . .what I can tell you is that you are always welcome to come by here and let us know how you are doing . . .there are many other people in our community who probably have more concrete suggestions than I but know that this is a safe place for you to come and chat, help someone else solve a problem, exchange ideas or simply say hello . . .take care, kc
Bookmark and Share

Offline poetpaul

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 10
  • Country: gb
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Male
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: making a scene in my mind
« Reply #2 on: July 02, 2014, 01:59:18 AM »
thankyou ,yes thats it i have done some bad things in my past i went to prison and was an angry person who hit people i feel i still need punishment to be accepted i feel as if i owe still im a christian now who dosent go church because of fear and being different sounds arrogant and my paranioa and there are some times i still think about a murder that happened i was out drinking and got angry to people in a pub the police did question me and that was that and they caught the man but in my mind i think was it me ive even told the police about it and they say no i keep going over about it where i was ect but i was drunk so is foggy i think it may be my mum used to get beaten up when i was young and i coulnt hep so gained guilt so i connected to it as ive done it  so i take peoples responsibilty and actions on board its a heavy weight a bit like jesus difference is im not jesus i thought i was once but hey im a sinner that dosent work out right at all im paul a human maybe acting out as a magic person with a wand solving problems except mine a bit of a hippocrit sorry  poet my spelings not good lol a poet who cant spell but i try i just pray this film will end sometimes and i have tryed ***** years ago but for some reason my wife is beautiful person and i would not like to hurt her or my family so for now i am in hell where i think i deserve praying to GOD TO GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Bookmark and Share

Offline kconnors

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1432
  • Country: ca
  • Rec's: 57
  • Gender: Female
  • Mood: Calm
    Calm
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: making a scene in my mind
« Reply #3 on: July 02, 2014, 08:36:36 AM »
Hi,

I can only offer you the following thoughts . . . and I am very unsure how they may or may not help you . . .

Each of us carries baggage from our past. But, I notice that you write in the past tense that you "went" to prison and you "were" and angry person. It sounds as if you are no longer that person.

For some reason, though, you feel guilty about your past and are having a difficult time to move forward. Just as we cannot predict the future, we cannot change the past. You feel that you still need to be punished and that would be where I would ask why? Perhaps you do not feel as if you deserve a second chance to live a better life . . . but only someone like a trained professional would be able to take you through the process and support you. . . .and that would be something to consider.

You write that you are a Christian but you do not attend Church. I am not a theologian, but I do not think that one has to attend Church to be a good any type of person. That comes from our commitment to making ourselves the best we can be and doing the best in our interactions with others. Because you continue to feel "guilty" for the past, then it seems as if you are projecting that guilt on to what others may think if you do attend Church. For some people, Church provides a very forgiving environment. Do the people at Church know of your background? If not, then it is really you who seems to be creating a reality that you fear and is stopping you. Do you want to attend Church? If so, ease into the process. Do you know anyone who attends the Church? You do not have to tell your past to anyone and, quite frankly, I suspect that if one dug deep enough into anyone's past, there would be events that might be questionable in any of our pasts or at least in many of our past lives, myself included.

The specific event occurred when you were drunk. Hopefully, you do not drink any longer as alcohol and anxiety very rarely ever mix. You are responsible for your actions and for no one else's actions. I know that this is easier said than done. You cannot control anyone. But, you are responsible for your decisions. Right now, I do believe that you need to consider professional help. If your decision is to do nothing, then this will inevitably harm your beautiful wife and your family because you will be a husband and a family member who is there without being there. You liken your life to a film, but you are the director of it . . . you can choose to remain where you are or you can choose to embark in a very difficult and often times frustrating journey of self-examination to find out why you process events (past, present, future) the way you do and begin to manage the situation. It is not an easy journey but, for me, it was better than what I was doing to myself.

If I remember correctly, John Milton in Paradise Lost wrote something along the lines that “the mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven..”  ---- it seems as if you are the one in charge and can make the decision to move forward, for yourself and for your family . . . as for the Church, you do not have to be a church goer to be a good Christian . . . if Church is a goal for you, then gradually work yourself into going . . . . I do not think that you deserve to be in hell, but all of us have to be careful not to create a hell for ourselves that does not need to exist . . .

Please check whenever convenient and, by the way, there are many notable poets and writers who cannot spell including Faulkner, Hemingway, and F. Scott Fitzgerald . . . besides, this is a forum for us to support each other so spelling does not count :) Take care, kc
Bookmark and Share

Offline poetpaul

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 10
  • Country: gb
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Male
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: making a scene in my mind
« Reply #4 on: July 02, 2014, 11:41:29 AM »
Thankyou so much i dont drink now im clean for 8months i went to rehab 6years ago ive had some lapses but am better as a person what you say sounds right i am going doctors tommorow and will tell him i went to a mental health place last year and they gave me tablets that made me have really bad panic attacks and they said i can come back after my probation period which is now. im not going to give up i try each day im more chilled and have tools to address problems its just like you said my past mistakes some people have gossiped about it and it came back to me at work it upset me as people dont know how far i have come i am trying not to make it affect me what they say but its hard. i am willing for help and will get on it thankyou so much
Bookmark and Share

Tags:
 

Related Topics

  Subject / Started by Replies Last post
3 Replies
1053 Views
Last post November 22, 2006, 03:41:05 AM
by letMEcalmDOWN
0 Replies
251 Views
Last post May 10, 2011, 07:07:07 AM
by PiggiesGlasses
3 Replies
640 Views
Last post May 09, 2012, 08:36:54 AM
by kcg13
5 Replies
262 Views
Last post March 06, 2013, 01:24:13 PM
by SighNoMore
2 Replies
498 Views
Last post March 12, 2013, 02:12:09 PM
by csolcz

anything