Had to take a xanax just now.... I have already failed as mom 100 times over and my baby is going to be drugged because I can't rationalize my thoughts
You're doing what any good mom would do, whatever it takes to have a healthy baby. If being able to rationalize the thoughts of a wayward mind was easy then there'd be no such thing as psychiatrists and therapist. Anxiety disorders are as much a physical disorder as epilepsy, or a broken leg, and no amount of thought rationalization will overcome them.
I really can't stop thinking that I have that sporadic fatal insomnia
If you do it's taking its time bumping you off!
As you know, that is a genetic disease related to Mad Cow Disease and is confined to members of 40 families who are all descendants of a man living in 18th century Venice and the symptoms don't begin until after the age of 40. So you don't have it, just the normal insomnia which plagues just about everyone at some time, in your case exacerbated by Zoloft, anxiety, hormonal fluctuations and currently the stress of traveling/flying and sleeping in a different bed.
This is seem to have started when I first started the zoloft
Weren't you were taking trazodone with the Celexa before you became pregnant?
No medicine is ever going to work for me again I don't know what to do anymore
They will work, but the Zoloft takes time and the sedating meds you're allowed to take are sometimes simply not strong enough to overcome all the things which cause insomnia.
Ordinary garden variety insomnia can be a right pain in the butt, but it won't kill you. Instead of tossing and turning after you awaken, try getting up and doing something, warm some milk and then read a book, knit, watch some awful show on TV, etc. It is better than lying in bed wide awake ruminating about being unable to sleep which just makes it worse.