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Author Topic: Colonscopy  (Read 155 times)

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Offline cwill011

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Colonscopy
« on: June 29, 2014, 10:07:54 PM »
This is my 2nd time posting here with both times concerning my major fear of colon cancer.

Here's the thing, I'll be 21 next month and I have convinced myself that I have colon cancer. I know that at my age and lack of family history my chances of having colon cancer are slim but I still have this irrational fear. I just graduated college and instead of looking forward and starting my life, I am on internet forums looking at all the unfortunate people who got cancer at my age and had it missed because nobody believed they could have it. So, I scheduled a Colonoscopy w/o my Drs approval because I want to be sure.

..problem is, it cost me 950 bucks that I had to borrow from my family; my family is extremely poor. I have no insurance so I had to go through a low income program that assisted me with the cost (Hence why it costs $950 instead of 3-4k) and I don't have a job. I will fimd one and i will pay my family back asap. The main thing is, I feel like a selfish loser for borrowing money to pay for, what doctors consider to be, an ill advised procedure to combat a fear I know to be irrational.

This isn't the first time I have done this. I have racked up about 15k in Dr bills going to the ER thinking I was having a heart attack as I had been having palpitations and balance problems for weeks.

Not having insurance is a mother_____.

So, my question to you guys is... Should I go or should I cancel the appt and give the borrowed money back? I want to move on with my life w/o fear but I have a feeling that new symptoms will bring new fears and this is the beginning of a vicious cycle.. Or its colon cancer.  :fragend005:
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Offline Toasted Butter

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Re: Colonscopy
« Reply #1 on: June 29, 2014, 10:25:01 PM »
I don't think that the colonoscopy will bring you any comfort. Even if it comes back all clear, you will still worry. You will either convince yourself that you have some other serious bowel issue, or start worrying that the problem stems from something else like your spleen. Then another test will be done and your fear will shift again. You can keep chasing the demon but you'll never catch it because it's not in your gut; it's in your anxiety. The money would be better spent on a good psychologist or therapist specializing in anxiety disorders. I strongly suggest this option instead.
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Offline rileybug

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Re: Colonscopy
« Reply #2 on: June 29, 2014, 10:34:21 PM »
I would probably do the colonspy and then look in to counsling. Since money a problem-look for something has slideing scale for payments.  Most  counties have programs-or hospitals also have low income programs.
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Offline anxietyguy09

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Re: Colonscopy
« Reply #3 on: June 30, 2014, 02:46:33 AM »
Sorry to hear of your struggle. I am not an expert - merely one with a similar mindset. I'd trust your dr. Or get a second opinion, if it would help.

If I'm reading it right, it sounds like the test isn't at the advice of a dr. If not, I'm not sure it will help you in the long run (I.e. Will you move on to the next thing?). Not being a doctor, I'm not sure if you should get the test.

I do know you should get help though (as others have suggested), and I'd stay of google. My mindset significantly (huge understatement) over represents the likely hood of a given issue, and google helps fuel that. It sounds like you might feel the same way?

Best of luck.
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Offline sixpack

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Re: Colonscopy
« Reply #4 on: June 30, 2014, 06:52:00 AM »
I agree with Toasted and anxietyguy.  this is a peace of mind test.  it will not give you lasting solace.  it is good money thrown after bad.

I am a H-U-G-E preacher of NOT googling symptoms or diseases, whether you are currently afraid of a particular disease or not.  Googling just plants those little seeds.  those seeds will take root at some point.  Additionally googling stuff never assures a person they are well.  Oh one may get a piece of assurance but with the HA mind, that won't be good enough and further research ensues and all hell breaks loose 9 times out of 10.  If you continue posting here, you will see posts all of the time saying things like "I googled.  Please talk me down"     SO looking up diseases should be OFF of your to do list.     .

A few other things that should be off of your to do list are:  No monitoring of bodily goings on, self-check/self-test,  seeking repeat reassurance from family/friends/internet/doctors.  AVOID "peace of mind" medical tests.  Certainly there are legitimate reasons to have medical tests and, thus, should be done.  However, around here, more often than not, med tests are done just as reassurance or "peace of mind".  this sort of testing does not work.  You will see many, many people advocate such testing and you will see many folks having them.   Unfortunately, such tests only accomplishes either:  1. person doubts test--it was done too early, it wasn't THE right test, or doc read it wrong, 2.  person accepts the test but soon thereafter or down the road a piece anew crop of symptoms, NOT covered  by the previous tests, appear and the person is a mess all over again.  Basically these are "reactive" behaviors.  Reactive behaviors only keep a mind/body amped up.  It keeps us in the vicious anxiety loop.  The fight/flight just diminish when it isn't constantly fed panic.

You are better off adopting proactive habits.  Realizing that there is NO QUICK FIX.  THERE IS NO MAGIC PILL.  Getting better takes time.  Often it will be two steps forward then one step back.  If you quit the good stuff because you feel bad stuff, you will find you are not making any positive progress. 

Now we all CAN get better.  That doesn't mean we all will.  There will be some who don't and I'm sure we've all met a person in our lives who let life defeat them.  Don't let that be you.  You are better than that   


NOW for maybe the two people   who haven't seen my usual suggestions on getting started, here they are, again:

1. Therapy---meds if you and your doctor feel it is appropriate---everybody is different on this issue. but don't discount meds because you are afraid of them or think that meds are only for "weak" people.  Remember the BEST therapist isn't a miracle worker.  therapy is a two-way street. The client MUST participate and I don't just mean going in and unloading on the therapist.  A therapist is there to listen, true, but the therapist is there to challenge and get you to do things to aid in your recovery.  So the client must do the "homework" to get the most out of therapy. 
2. self-help books--lots of good stuff out there these days ---Claire Weekes has good books out there that explain how it all works.  One is Hope and Help for Your Nerves I read "The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck many years ago.  He speaks to people in a variety of ways.  He has a few other books too.   
3.  Exercise---even if you don't want to.  At first you are likely to feel miserable and panicky feelings are likely to bubble up OR rush at you.  It is due to the over abundance of adrenaline (fight/flight) in your body.  Stress/Anixety is tough on a body.  But do it anyway. 
4.  While this isn't a magic pill, eat a healthy diet.  This helps on all kinds areas of your life.
5.  Forums often have helpful advice.
6.  Hobbies--anything that completely immerses you in it and keeps you occupied.  This helps because eventually you'll get snippets of time when you feel good.  These are teaching moments because then you know it is obsessions/anxiety mucking with you.  After a while those snippets turn to hours then days etc.
7.  Don't pity yourself.  You can have a happy life.   As we experience life, we change.  Having any form of anxiety will impact your life just like all life experiences do.  But that isn't necessarily a bad thing.  Even once you are on the road to recovery, you will have a 'new' normal but that doesn't mean you aren't happy and fulfilled.
8.  Lots of people find meditation helpful.

REMEMBER:  anxiety is a liar.  it will tell you all kinds of garbage.  It is up to YOU to fix this. 

good luck and be well.
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MOST anxiety happens at the subconscious level.  JUST because you don't feel consciously anxious or had a day or two of calm doesn't mean your mind & body are relaxed.  It can take months of reduced anxiety before a body goes back to a more non-reactive state. 

Offline cwill011

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Re: Colonscopy
« Reply #5 on: July 02, 2014, 07:13:25 PM »
Just to update everyone..

I had my colonoscopy today and everything went well. I suffer from hemorrhoids and diverticulitis. No polyps were found.

The procedure itself was easy because I was sleep in an instant and woke up in recovery. I was in at 6:15am and out by 8:30am.

The prep was pretty bad but not so bad that you should be scared of it.

Im glad its all over and I cant wait to get on with my life.

Oh, and as far as my symptoms for those who may be exp the same: Blood streak on stool, excessive gas, constipation, stomach pain and bloating. If you have these, dont worry.. Its most likely NOT cancer. I learned the hard way.
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