new to the forum but have had anxiety

[fut125]

Hello
I am a 33 year old male and recently began having panic attacks again and general anxiety. By way of history, I had panic attacks starting when I was 12 shortly after my parents divorced. They lasted until I was in my 20's. They went away when I met my wife and she witnessed one . She said she could not deal with them. Suddenly they were gone. Then 4 years ago, I tore my ACL playing soccer and my 2 year old son had 2 afebrile seizures that I witnessed. My panic when I was a kid was always about fear of dying from some disease whether it was a disease or even a process like a heartattack or stroke etc. After the events 4 years ago I staretd to have panic attacks again. There was also some pretty persistant general anxiety. One day I went to the local Er and was admitted they put me on the telemetry floor for observation. This only heightened my anxiety. Then they started testing me. They first scared the crap out of me as they indicated I had a blocked artery, but later after multiple future tests while in the hospital said oops...false positive. I was discharged and told I had an anxiety disorder. I was prescribed 10mg of Lexapro per day I took that until MArch of 2006. My panic was virtualy gone but I still had occassional thoughts and questions pertaining to my health and general anxiety worries. I also had another panic attack in November of 2005 a week after my son had another afebrile seizure. I then started seeing a Psycologist. We have been working with EMDR. I came off meds and was off them until two weeks ago. For history about my current anxiety cycle , my Therapist was gone for a month I was off meds and I had a eye doc appt. (I have a mild form of hyperchondrosis). This appt indicated I need to have eye surgery. I am blind in my left eye and it has nuero vascularization issues. I think this is what may have started the latest cycle of anxiety. I suffered through several panic attacks and the fear of panic attacks for two weeks(month ago) and then went to my doctor fearing that I was having a heart attack again. The whole time thinking he would admit me and finally find the cause of what is happeneing to me. I have this continual thought that it has to be something. When I am not anxious I know it is anxiety, otherwise I would be a medical marvel surviving hundreds of rare disease processes and heart attacks and never getting worse or sick. I am current taking 20mg of Lexapro per day and seeing my Psycologist 1 time per week. The issue I continue to have is that I have this unrealistic feeling that it has to be something how can it not be something.....I also feel as if I am the only one to go through this problem. I am writing  as would love feedback to see if anyone have witnessed someone in my situation. When I am anxious and in this cycle I seem to be anxious for large portions of the day I seek re assurance from people and that just annoys the people who are around me. I have also developed a mild form of agoraphobia as to avoid having a panic situation. This is not who I am and who I want to be. I want to feel normal again and the fear and the inability to share it with someone makes it worse. I am doing better now than I was 2 weeks ago but I need to be patient in an impatient anxious body. Do you have any suggestions.  I know I will not find my answers in a doctors office or a hospital, but when I get anxious I can't drive the thought out of my head that it is not something else. I try to control the situation where I think I should try to understand it instead.  Also went to docs office again after my initial appt two weeks ago because I am switching doctors as other doc is moving. I fear having my BP taken and always know it will be elevated. It was 170 over 90 and then 5 minutes later it was 150 of 88. Doc was not worried and said even if I was not a person that sufferred from anxiety he wou d not worry and would simply re take bp in months time to check it as I have no history had full cardiac work up 3 1/2 years ago and it takes along time for BP to damage someone. Of course this made me scared I was going to have a stroke or some other problem.  Would love to hear from people.

[apple]

I think this should have stayed in Hypocondria, go back there and talk to them and ask them to read this post...the people there really understand the fears of other illnesses better than I do...
but it sounds to me like the rest of us.  Being afraid its something else, or maybe hoping its something else that is easier to cure.

Anxiety can be a debilatating disorder...there are soo many variables and symptoms, so many different ways to ease it but it seems like there is no real permanant cure, and if there is for some its not always going to work for someone else.

Have you done any Behaviour Therapy?  I found this to be the most ground breaking solution to most of my anxiety and Panic.  You learn how your thought process actually can kick in the anxiety or panic...then you learn how to reprogram the way you think, inevitably lessening the amount of attacks, how bad they are and in some cases stop them all together.

Keep working hard,  the hardest part of this is accepting that it is anxiety.  But you must if you want to find your way thru it.  You have to treat the anxiety.

good luck to you

[fut125]

Thank you for responding. FOr me I get some temporary relief although not very long when I get some reassurance. I thought about postinsg in the Hypochondria room but thought I would try here first. Thank you again. I am in therapy doing EMDR now but I have been told CBT(Cognitive Behavior Therapy would probably be best. Currently I am just trying to stop freaking out that I have a physical next week. Fear of the whole BP thing....

[Celine]

fut, cbt has changed my life after years of suffering and I would HIGHLY recommend it. I'm too lazy and need to go right now but if you are interested in my experience see my reply under the topic "please help" in this section. Good luck and you sound like someone who would benefit from cbt. You don't need to keep suffering like this!