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Offline firewife

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just wondering
« on: June 26, 2014, 01:10:51 PM »
Does anyone else always feel the need to lie or come up with excuses as to why you can't go to a certain place because of the panic or agoraphobia. I find myself lying constantly when I'm invited somewhere and I don't or can't go. I'm tired of lying or coming up with fake ailments (hurt back, headache, sleepy etc). I wish more people were understanding I think it would make it less shameful and maybe easier to fight.
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Offline LeftBehind

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Re: just wondering
« Reply #1 on: June 26, 2014, 01:37:38 PM »
I completely understand the necessity to lie, Fire. It sucks so hard having to lie to friends and family.
My best friend is always trying to make plans and sometimes, I break down and make plans with him even though I know I will cancel the day of. I'm always making up reasons that I'm busy like, housework, laundry, fake chores and the like or sometimes I'll tell him that my Mum (who I live with) is having people over and it's not a good time. Making up excuses makes me feel like I'm betraying him. We've been friends for four years and only recently (in the past two weeks) have I explained to him why I always 'bail' at the last minute or make up excuses.
For me, it doesn't seem to matter if I explain the situation to people. Some people just don't 'get it'. They'll never get it. They will feign understanding but they'll never really know what it's like until they experience it themselves.

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Offline firewife

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Re: just wondering
« Reply #2 on: June 26, 2014, 02:35:35 PM »
I do believe if anxiety disorders became more socially accepted it would be easier on all of.us who suffer from them. My dad didnt understand until I had one picking my son up from school one day. He was with me and finally saw what happens. He has been.more understanding lately and It's helped my tremendously. He was one of those people that if you cant see a wound or.the scales can't show it then it.must not be real.  I'm tired of feeling ashamed and having to say sorry because I feel a certain way that society doesn't understand. I think that specific reason is the true root of my agoraphobia. Shame and self worth hold me back more than the anxiety itself. ( sorry for all the typos and random periods I view this site on my mobile and its me being lazy with my punctuation lol )
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Offline Darkhouss

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Re: just wondering
« Reply #3 on: June 26, 2014, 06:35:36 PM »
Unfortunately I do this often aswell , my friends call or text to make plans and I usually always decline if it's a public social event like a club & bar or hockey game. However all my closest friends I've known for 8-10 years know me now to the point it doesent offend them anymore. It sucks though , deep down I wish I wouldn't be so afraid to just go out anywhere at any given time and truly enjoy myself. For me this is the biggest annoyance of
My anxiety and panic attacks because I rarely want to bring my understanding girlfriend of over 7 years out to events etc , over the years I've gotten better and found ways to minimize my anxiety before social & public events but it still controls that part of my life sometimes. I'm more afraid to have a panic attack Infront of people then anything else..


JH ~



 
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~ Keep Calm , Carry on ~

Offline jols

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Re: just wondering
« Reply #4 on: June 28, 2014, 05:45:12 PM »
The funny thing is that I started out being very truthful about why I'm not able to make things.  I'm finding that people's patience and understanding of panic attacks and agoraphobia only go so far though.  :/     
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Offline KellboRose

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Re: just wondering
« Reply #5 on: July 04, 2014, 02:49:07 PM »
I've been pretty open with people close to me about my anxiety but I've found that sometimes people try to be accepting for a while but end up getting frustrated when they feel your taking too long to "get over it ". Then I revert to making excuses or just avoiding people so they won't ask me to do things I don't feel able to do. Certain people I know just don't want to hear about anxiety so sometimes I tell them I just don't want to do something, because I don't think I should have to feel bad for having anxiety issues.  If they don't want to hear the real reason then I don't bother to give one at all. If it's someone who is more understanding then I just tell them the truth. I get really annoyed sometimes when people make you feel worse for having a problem you never wanted in the first place.
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Offline MrManBeard

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Re: just wondering
« Reply #6 on: July 06, 2014, 04:19:59 PM »
I used to lie all the time about my anxiety when I was younger. I always felt bad. These days I take a different approach. I don't feel any shame in having anxiety the same way I don't feel any shame at having flat feet. It's just a part of who I am. I have no problem telling people why I don't want to do things. The way I see it is if you are understanding than you are worth having around. If you don't care to listen or don't have the patience for it then I'm not missing out by not having you in my life.
Another aspect of my life that has helped me to stop lying is embracing being an introvert. A lot of us that suffer from anxiety and panic attacks do so in part because we are introverts trying to fit into a supposedly extrovert world. I don't want to go to parties not just because of anxiety but mainly because I don't like parties. So I know longer try to pretend that I enjoy doing things that I simply don't. I also really embrace the things I like to do as an introvert and find people who like to do similar things. It makes it easier to keep plans when the plans are for something I enjoy and am comfortable with.
I guess my point is that we find ourselves lying when we feel the need to fit a certain image of the person we feel that we should be. once we we choose to let go of that image and live our lives in ways that work for us there is no longer a need for lie.
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Offline jjZauis

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Re: just wondering
« Reply #7 on: July 07, 2014, 02:38:09 PM »
Unfortunately yes, all the time.   Usually I just tell people I don't feel good or I feel like I'm coming down with something or I already have other plans.  Those are my usual "go to" lies.   And what makes it worse is that I feel like so many friends have 'given up' on me because they just don't get it and take it really personally.   I've noticed a lot of people have stopped bothering them.   Not all though, some friends who I've told what I'm going through get it.   But because I'm so different now than I was even just a little over a year ago it leaves people confused and taking it personally.   I would think nothing of going to a bar with friends or out to dinner or to a party, etc.   now it's a very rare occasion that I'd accept an invitation to do that.   I'd rather just skip it all together than getting to whatever it is and then having to suddenly leave because I can't take it anymore.    To some people I've told about my anxiety it hasn't changed anything, they still don't get it and think im just using it as an excuse to get out of whatever it is they want me to do that particular day.   I definitely miss being carefree though.
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Offline Cwhite513

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Re: just wondering
« Reply #8 on: July 09, 2014, 10:41:47 PM »
Yes I lie about it. Not many people understand why certain situations just cause me extreme panic. It's just easier to say I have a headache or one of my kids is sick than tell the truth. I am lucky in that my best friend also has panic attacks and truly understand me and I understand her. No need to lie there and she never needs to lie to me.
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