Hi Everyone. I am 23, from New Hampshire, and I have been suffering from many forms of anxiety since I was a little girl. I remember when it started, 4th grade, and if it rained outside or snowed, my mom was automatically dead. I used to panic, to the point where my mom got me a beeper in 5th grade and would send me a page every day at lunch so I knew she was alive.
It got better in middle school when I had a cell phone and could sneak and call her from the bathroom if I worried. By high school, I seemed to have outgrown it. Then it has recently moved on to my boyfriend of 5 years. I worry about his every move. I fear of crazy things happening, and if I can't get him on the phone, forget it. I panic and believe the worst-possible scenario had happened.
I worry about my health at times, depending on the circumstances, but not on a daily basis. For example, I looked up symptoms I was having online and I saw a possibility was Cancer. I had convinced myself I was dying and put my family through hell for 2 weeks. I think of the worst-possible situation, react to it, and believe it and I just want to know what it is like to live life without this suffocation.
My parents never got me help when I was young, but I attempted to get help myself from my doctor. I was put on Xanax and a few other medications to "try" and I feel like they made me worse and they gave me horrible night terrors. I stopped them immediately.
As of right now I am panicking that my boyfriend is not ok, even though I know he is safe at home and is probably doing the laundry or something which is why he hadn't answered my text yet. I panic about my little puppy getting out of the house, I panic about EVERYTHING and it is the worst feeling ever.
I feel like now I am depressed. I set my alarm for 15 min. before I have to leave for work every day and have no care to do anything. I just wish this would go away. My mother has similar anxiety to me and my grandma is a hypochondriac. I don't want to live life like them. I want to get rid of this suffocating feeling. I want happy thoughts! I want to enjoy the beautiful weather, not worrying that my loved ones have randomly taken a stroke and died.
I just hope someone can relate.. help...share their story... just so I am not alone. Even though my mom has it, she doesn't admit it, she's very controlling and self-centered, and I've just had enough.