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Author Topic: Horrible anxiety with relationships  (Read 164 times)

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Offline TheLongWalk

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Horrible anxiety with relationships
« on: June 25, 2014, 12:36:16 AM »
Growing up I didn't worry much about girls, had a couple crushes here and there, but never took them further. It wasn't until after getting a drivers license I started really focusing on them. I got a really cute girls number, and felt great until sitting down to eat dinner. That night I had the worst panic attack of my life. For a couple months after that I would have panic attacks when thinking about being with a girl. Thankfully things have gotten better since then, but still I feel that I'll never be able to get with a girl because of the remaining fears deep down.
 
A lot of girls these days seem like they would be really hard to trust in a relationship. So many of them have close guy friends they go out to eat with 1 one night, and then go to a movie with another guy friend the next. Sure some of these guys legitimately see this girl as just a friend, but most don't. They think if they constantly hang around this girl they'll eventully get her. A girl like that using guys for emotional support would be hard to trust, and even if you did trust her you'd have those guy friend orbiters hearing about your faults, and they'll to steal her away. Theres also the girls that are taken but act like they aren't. I don't know how I'd be able to trust either type. Sure not all girls are like this, but I'll probably have no way of knowing if they are until it's to late.

It seems that most girls know each other, and now they're all connected through social media. Not only their friends, but random people that were added to increase their friend/follower count. I see that most females make passive aggressive posts, and fear that if I were with one they'd post something about me. Everyone would be able to see. Then who knows what this girl would be saying about me to her real life friends.
 
I don't live in a very big town, and fear that if anything were to go wrong in a relationship pretty much everyone would know. Not only from social media posts, but also since it seems most females are somehow connected and know one another somehow. So if things were to end with me and a girl, it'd be like no female would want anything to do with me.
 
My parents are also a factor. My mother used to babysit her friends daughter, this girl is now about 14 or so. We ran into her, and her boyfriend one night, and my mom couldn't stand him. He seemed like a decent guy, and she had no reason to dislike him. But my point is that like most mothers she won't like whoever I go out with, and I hate that there will be tensions between them. Her and my dad will probably both probe and hinder about her constantly, and make being dumped if it happens much more painful.
 
Probably my biggest fear, and what triggered that first panic attack is the uncertainty. Before going out with someone you don't really know the kind of girl they are. I want to have some idea before asking a girl out, but still. She could be one way in a crowded classroom or wherever, and then be completely different when it's just the two of you.
 
Is there anything I could do to get past these fears? Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
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Offline firewife

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Re: Horrible anxiety with relationships
« Reply #1 on: June 26, 2014, 03:23:50 PM »
I dont know how old you are but from your post you sound youngish compared to my age. Just remember there are plenty of girls out there. Most aren't the same. Try to stay away from the clic types. Those girls listen to their friends too much and don't listen to themselves at all. You will have heartache along the way but remember there will be that one that comes along and heals the ache. Just date and have fun. Don't look for something serious right away. The fun part of finding the one is growing and realizing what you need and who completes you. Treat her right and if it doesn't work out you can walk away and realize you did nothing wrong.
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Offline dklekamp

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Re: Horrible anxiety with relationships
« Reply #2 on: June 26, 2014, 11:49:00 PM »
I agree with FireWire.  Just have some fun and hang in there.  I recently started dating someone after about 2 years of NOT being in a relationship.  She's very polished, a bit older, and everything I could ask for....which makes me extremely nervous when we go out.  I can't sit at dinner with her without feeling like I'm going to have a panic attack.  Eventually, I just came out and told her that I suffer from anxiety/panic attacks.  She was very understanding.  I think you want to be with someone who is going to understand whatever it is you are going through.  If she can't, then maybe she's not the right one for you.  Hang in there!
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Offline TheLongWalk

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Re: Horrible anxiety with relationships
« Reply #3 on: June 27, 2014, 01:59:49 AM »
Thanks for both of your answers, they really helped. There is a girl I just met and like, will probably try to ask her out  :-*
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