I just need to vent and cry. Backstory...for three years I've been petrified about having a brain something...tumor, MS, aneurysm, amoeba, etc...but mostly tumor. I had this weird auditory hallucination that woke me from a dead sleep about 3 years ago and that started me off on a bad bad downward spiral. A few months later, weird dizziness, a few years later, an ocular type migraine and now pretty consistent headaches for the last 6 weeks. I've attributed all of these to being on death's doorstep. I'm one of those hypochondriacs that doesn't run to the dr. in fear of them actually finding something, so I've been "living" like this for almost 3 years. Wasted almost 3 years of my life. Missed vacations, fretted instead of loving, crying instead of finding joy, feeling awful instead of grateful. I'm petrified to get this test. I'm pretty sure that I'll bail at the last minute, but I'm trying to stay strong because I fear that if I don't do it, I will end up in a psychiatric facility with a total breakdown. I work every day, never missed a day of work from this effing illness, but I tell ya, my resolve is running out. Nobody in my life besides my best friend and husband know of the hell that I live in every day, so to everyone on the outside of my world, I'm fun and low-key...little do they know that I'm dying inside every minute of every day. I cry all the time. I have panic symptoms hourly. I sleep more than I should sometimes, and not at all at other times. I've wasted my life for over a decade with this ***** and I can't get over it. I can't help myself, and at this point, I need some relief. If there's a 1% chance (which is all that I believe in my mind that there is) that I can be given an all clear with an MRI on my brain health, at this point, I'll take it. Hate this illness. Hate. It. Pretty sure I'll find out that I'm dying this week. And if that happens, I'm going to be so pissed.