Ya so I smoked some weed, the one that gives you the brain high, not the body. Anyways it was my first time and I freak out when I don't act my usual self and so it happened. I went to the hospital blah blah it was just a panic attack, went home to attempt to sleep which did not go very well(eyes kept moving so many thoughts racing). After that the next morning I had a massive headache/hangover for 2 weeks. The lightheadedness went away but came back later when another panic attack came. That gave me lightheadedness AGAIN up until now.
So I don't want to write a massive wall of text because I don't want to bore you guys, but to the point now. Its been 3 years and I have not suffered any panic attacks or any of the sort. Its just a constant flow of light-headedness(pretty much near the back of my head) and disorientation. My memories if I try to recall are more scattered and when I try to remember them its quite difficult. I can't feel nostalgia as well, emotions are there, I can't seem to focus or concentrate( I feel like I've have a 30% decrease in focus).
For me its hard to sum up this illness, but if I had to put it in a nutshell its like this. I feel like i'm daydreaming, zoning out at the same time while i'm living. Now It probably doesn't sound like it makes sense but now imagine, IMAGINE this, your zoning out because of so many random thoughts while your walking, your not completely immersed in your thoughts because your also taking in the reality you see and interact around you when your awake. Its like multi-tasking , I feel like my mental clarity is like 60% transparent and then 40% opaque because I have never had one moment where my brain is blank and I can't stop thinking. This gives me a sort of a sense of derealization in A WAY. I feel mentally slower due to the lack of focus and the attention I have with my reality
I have so many weird random thoughts just come out of no where and interrupt my thinking process. Even when I dream, its all random and strange, things/places I haven't seen before. Its like i'm experiencing those random thoughts. Iv'e been pretty much trying to self-diagnose myself, I haven't BEEN FIGHTING MY "ANXIETY" and I just basically accepted it. It hasn't really worked, I always get my mind off my illness by playing video games like League of Legends etc etc. The lightheadedness kills me and I feel like i'm going mentally retarded.
I am afraid of meds, I honestly don't want to make my condition worse. I'm adjusted to my severity. If any of you guys share similar or exactly the same illness as I do and improved the condition somehow, your advice would be very appreciated.