Alright I'll start off by saying I've always had minor depression and anxiety but I've also had pretty bad issues with obsessions in the past which made the depression and anxiety much worse. I'm very close to finishing college and have an amazing family, great boyfriend and some friends. A few months ago (March) I smoked weed and had the most terrible experience of my life (yup I've had a pretty good life). Well anyway I started seeing things in a very strange light and I was staring at my boyfriend but felt that I was watching him through a frame or TV screen. My heart was pounding like freaking crazy and I thought FOR SURE my schizophrenia was beginning! Well, I got over it for the most part but it definitely shook me to the core.
Then about 2 months ago, I got into a car accident in the rain and ever since then I've had waves of obsession about existence and death. It's HORRRIBLE because it makes me question weird things like my own perception of the world and I start asking myself strange questions over and over which I don't have an answer to. I even think about the fact that I'm typing and that I'm a thinking/complex being and it gives me a nervous/creepy feeling. I would not say I'm in a dream-like state like a lot of DP/DR sufferers, but I definitely feel disconnected because I can't stop thinking about existence/death. THIS IS A COMPLETE STRUGGLE! This disconnection makes me very nervous and then it worsens. I get to the point where I know I'm seeing everything normally and I know I'm fine but I'm convinced that I'm becoming schizophrenic and will never be "normal" again. I also have this recent issue with being freaked out when I hear my own voice and then obsessing over my own voice. But I know this will pass like all the other things that I've thought to death.
In high school/the past I've had obsessions with other things such as being terrified that I was a lesbian (which I laugh at today) and I've always struggled with germs, contamination, and thinking I've had serious illnesses. I am not suicidal and have loved life in the past but I cannot live normally anymore! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE respond if you've been through something similar and if you have any medications that are alleviating the Pure O symptoms (been on lexapro in the past and I'm pretty sure it was working but I went off it STUPIDDD)! Even if you suffer from Pure O and need help with an issue other than death and existence rumination I can probably help a little but please respond, I'd love to hear from other anxiety sufferers!
I have an appointment with both a psychiatrist and a psychologist this week which I'm looking forward to. I've also been writing a little bit even about my weird thoughts regarding existence. But please respond even if it's just to say "I feel yah" cause I'm on the verge of a breakdown with every waking moment and could use some support and reassurance. Thanks so much.