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Author Topic: Fear of sleeping.  (Read 178 times)

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Offline Maryjo

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Fear of sleeping.
« on: June 24, 2014, 04:12:07 AM »
So I posted earlier about my friend dying in her sleep. Well for the past week I've been having sleep anxiety really bad (before she even passed) because every time I lay down my heart races and I worry that I'll die in my sleep. (my husband works nights so I'm terrified of dying in my sleep with it just being me and the kids. I'm getting my prescription for ativan first thing in the am when they open. I ran out last week and all I have is buspar and that stuff makes me feel awful. It's my birthday and I'm exhausted. I'm thinking I might need to go on an antidepressiant along with a possible sleeping pill. This whole thing has me devastated and paranoid. She had HA and faced a lot of the same worry I have so it makes me wonder if maybe subconsciously I know I'm going to die? I've been so sick lately with pains and weight loss I think I'm more scared of the fact that there's something actually seriously wrong and I don't know how to deal with it. My pain is real and it's severe. I'm only 29 and feel like everyday is going to be my last lately, this is a new feeling I've had since March.  I don't think my resting heart rate of over 100+ constantly helps with the anxiety but I'm seriously at an all time low with this. My fears of death have now become a reality. Just as my friend worried about death the whole year prior to her death. How do I get past this point of straight panic and obsessive behavior? I'm wasting my precious time laying awake obsessing, fearing in the inevitable. This is the worst my anxiety has ever been, but this is my first real personal loss of friend. I'm not coping well as you can see. I keep thinking of her, we had just talked. All the things I never said to her, all the things I wish I had keep running through my head faster than I can keep up. I wish I could have told her how much i loved her, and how much I was thankful for her (she introduced me to my husband) without her my kids wouldn't exist. Tell her sorry for our small fall out then how happy and thankful I was when we reconnected almost with no time lost. For the time she took me in when everyone else gave up on me, for being a great friend. I now want to be closer to the people I love instead of pushing people away, life is too short. I'm sorry for posting so much about my detangling anxieties. I don't even know if I need responses just a release. Has anyone ever dealt with this before? If so how did you overcome it? The people you know who passed, did it seem like they subconsciously knew?
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Offline Cuchculan

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Re: Fear of sleeping.
« Reply #1 on: June 24, 2014, 05:30:14 AM »
It is all just an obsession. Nothing more and nothing less. Sad to hear about your friend. But that doesn't mean the same thing will happen to you. Sure. Some day we must all die. I just think your friend's death is still so fresh in your mind. I am sure if the death had of been a heart attack instead, you might be worrying about heart attacks instead right now. You have latched onto this. You need help in the form of therapy to sort out the thoughts in your head. Help to get by this phase in your life. I don't think it is something you can do all alone. So look around for help. Learn how to replace the thoughts you are having right now with more positive thoughts. It can be done. You just have to believe in yourself.
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Offline mollyfin

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Re: Fear of sleeping.
« Reply #2 on: June 24, 2014, 06:13:55 AM »
You don't subconsciously "know" anything.  My mom has been health anxious for her entire life.  She's 71.  I'm 31, been at this since early childhood, still alive.  It's anxiety and obsession, not any kind of true instinct.

I'm sorry about your friend.  It's always hard when someone we love dies, and harder still when they're young and we're unprepared.  But it has nothing to do with your own health problems, perceived or real. 

I'm sorry you have to deal with all the things left unsaid, but she probably knew how you felt.  My friends don't always say things I know they think or mean - when my friend was diagnosed with cancer I took the time to email a bunch of people I'm closest to, thank them for being in my life, etc, because I'd been given that wake-up call.  And I got really nice responses in return.  But while the things people said were nice to hear, none of us were saying things the other didn't really know.  If you're good friends with someone, especially if you've known them for a while, you just know things like that. 

It might make you feel a little better to get in touch with the other important people in your life and tell them the things you'd wish you'd told them if, god forbid, something happened to them or you.  I know it helped me a lot. 

I would also, again, recommend a grief counselor or therapist.  This is a hard thing to go through, HA or no.
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