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Author Topic: Please help, my good friend died and now my HA is out of control.  (Read 267 times)

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Offline Maryjo

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So today while I was waiting on my husband to pick me up from (ironically) my doctors appointment I received word that one of my good friends had passed away. She also suffered from chronic health issues since the birth of her daughter 9 months ago. I'm absolutely devastated. I've broke down crying almost all day, I kept thinking about her daughter aimlessly looking for her and questioning "mama?" as her mother told me. My heart is breaking. I was at the doctors about my stomach issues and several cysts that have come into play. I've lost a total of 44lbs since 2/4/14. In this past week I've lost a total of 4 lbs. Every time I eat I get this horrible pain so between the lump on my stomach, descended stomach and major weight loss my doctor is sending me to a gyro doctor. She said that the cysts are fine and that the fact that there's so many is a good thing, meaning the more I have the less likely to be cancerous. I'm freaking out, I'm in poor health and all I can think about is my friends last ***** message a few days ago. "Worst headache of my life" Naturally she had been having several issues (just as I have) so people razzed her about being online and told her to get off and try an antianixety med. Little did any of us know she was a ticking timebomb. They're almost certian it's a brain aneurysm but have to wait for the final report. She went to lay down because of her headache, her mom told me she's a snorer so when she stopped they went to check on her and she was dead. She said they tried to keep the little girl from seeing anything but this crushes me, I already have had sleeping issues of fear of dying in my sleep. Most days/ nights I can go up to 4/5 days no sleep because of it. This has me all overworked, to make things worse tomorrow is my brithday and I don't want anything to do with being happy. ugh. Why does life suck so bad, why don't doctors listen.
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Offline Disaster_Dino

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Re: Please help, my good friend died and now my HA is out of control.
« Reply #1 on: June 23, 2014, 09:08:36 PM »
that is absolutely heart breaking. I can't imagine what you're going through right now.

All I can say is, just keep in mind that stomach issues aren't going to kill you. A brain aneurysm, however, very much will.

Unfortunately, as humans, we must all go through hard times, and we all spend a little time down the rabbit hole.

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"everything will be alright in the end. If everything's not alright, it's not quite the end!"

Offline Worrier1978

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Re: Please help, my good friend died and now my HA is out of control.
« Reply #2 on: June 23, 2014, 09:32:10 PM »
This is truly awful. I'm so sorry for your loss. I think this is my biggest fear -- suddenly dying & leaving behind my young daughters. I wonder what would happen? How would life be for them without me? How would my husband cope without me? Would my girls remember me? How would my death affect them? So many questions. I hate that I even think about this. I just don't want to leave them for a very long time & I realize that I don't fully control that. And that terrifies me. I wish I knew how to come to terms with that.

Ugh, reading your post breaks my heart. I feel so badly for that baby, that family & you. I just don't have the words....I'm so sorry...
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Offline Maryjo

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Re: Please help, my good friend died and now my HA is out of control.
« Reply #3 on: June 23, 2014, 09:40:37 PM »
Worrier- It's my biggest fear as well and one of my biggest obsessions. My husband works nights so I'm scared to go to sleep because I fear if I die in my sleep my kids would be alone all night. Also they're soooo young right now 19mo and almost 5 months and I fear that they wouldn't remember me at all and it crushes me to the core to even think of that. I've never cried when someone I know has died until today, not only was she a best friend but her situation really hit's home with being a mommy and leaving her baby girl. I've never been so heartbroken over anything, my heart hurts for that baby girl, her dad is not in the picture. I really hope he reconsiders a relationship with her. Good thing is that her parents are super close to the little girl so her mom told me she's not doing too bad, just keeps waiting on her mom to come  home. that crushed me. And instead of using my extra free time (when they nap) to snuggle them I used it being on the internet obsessing and basically breaking down.
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Offline marc

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Re: Please help, my good friend died and now my HA is out of control.
« Reply #4 on: June 23, 2014, 10:04:36 PM »
It is terrible. I remember when a couple of years ago, my mother, father, than uncle all died within a years time. Not very good at all.
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If you're going through hell, keep going.
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Offline Maryjo

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Re: Please help, my good friend died and now my HA is out of control.
« Reply #5 on: June 23, 2014, 10:11:01 PM »
So sorry to hear of your losses Marc, I can't even imagine what you went through to lose that many people who you were close to.
I've never had any luck when it comes to my birthday and death of the people I'm most fond of. My favorite relative (my uncle, who was more like a father to me than my own dad) passed two days before my birthday a few years back. His funeral ended up on my birthday and it was very traumatic. My fathers mother (I never met her) died close to my birthday as well. But I thought my uncle was hard, it was nothing like this. I think after having kids it gave me a sense of purpose that I didn't have before so death now not only scares me but it apparently has me in a state of sadness. I've always been really stoic when it comes to death but not this time, this is real.
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Offline IAMHEALTHY

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Re: Please help, my good friend died and now my HA is out of control.
« Reply #6 on: June 23, 2014, 10:53:33 PM »
Sorry op

I hope you heal and feel better :)
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Offline mollyfin

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Re: Please help, my good friend died and now my HA is out of control.
« Reply #7 on: June 24, 2014, 06:02:03 AM »
So sorry for your loss. 

Your health problems are very unlikely to kill you.  I would recommend a grief counselor or therapist who can help you cope with your HA and other emotions during this difficult time. 

I know it's hard - my dad was diagnosed with a health problem I "diagnosed" correctly months before he agreed to see a doctor (even the health anxious are right once in a while - but keep in mind, this was once out of THOUSANDS of these moments for me), and I still wonder, if I'd pushed harder, would he have needed less treatment, been okay now, etc.  But there's nothing you could've done for your friend - most of the time headaches mean nothing.  Unfortunately every once in a while the odds just aren't in someone's favor.  Unless she'd tripped and fallen into an MRI (or is it CT that diagnoses those?) and gotten a brain scan for no known reason, no one could have seen it coming.  (Even then, sometimes surgery is riskier than just leaving them alone and hoping for the best.) 

It's one of those uncertainties we people with HA have such a damn hard time with.  But we have to figure out ways to live with them. 

I am sorry about your friend.  That's a horrible thing that happened.  But it has no bearing on your own health issues.  It doesn't meant your problems are more likely to turn out to be serious. 
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