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Author Topic: Planning a wedding with a manipulative and controlling mother  (Read 68 times)

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Offline Meganlee

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 I am 29 years old and am getting married August 2nd. Everyone tells me planning a wedding should be FUN! It really has not been like that for me...
Let me start by saying that I love my mom dearly, she has sacrificed a lot to raise me and my 3 other siblings without my father being around. But, I cannot stand how controlling she is over me. I have a 31 year old sister as well who is my moms right hand man, my sister is very submissive. She pretty much does everything my mom tells her to do, or suggests. This includes how to decorate her home, how to raise her children, what her weekend plans should be, etc.. I am the second child and the only other daughter. I've known my whole life, I have been the type of person who wants to try things myself first. I am also creative, come up with my own ideas for things, and I am proud of myself for that. Now, when I got engaged, I knew right away, the type of wedding that I wanted, the flowers, my colors, etc. I am always open for suggestions from my mom, which some I have accepted and liked. But, when I don't like a suggestion and I tell her, she rolls her eyes and tells me its stupid and that I am going to regret it and acts like a complete baby about it. This is not something new from her, she has done this to me my whole life. But even after almost 30 years, I still do not understand why she does this to me and I cant get over it when she does do it to me. I have been known to take it and take it and then blow up when I cant take it anymore. Then, everyone looks at me like I am the bad guy. It causes me so much anxiety and stress that I cry almost every night, but then I also get mad at myself for not being strong and just ignoring it. My fiance tells me to buck up and stand up to her and be strong, but, I still have this overwhelming sense of guilt for not pleasing my mom and her not being happy with me. I know my mom loves me and is doing this because she loves me so much, but, how do I continue to have a loving, fun relationship with her, without being submissive to her? It also doesn't help that my sister is the way she is, that gives my mom another back up to prove that I am wrong because my sister is always on her side. I don't know if any of this makes sense, but, I am at a loss. I just cant win...
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Offline TyeDyedButterfly

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Re: Planning a wedding with a manipulative and controlling mother
« Reply #1 on: June 23, 2014, 01:28:14 PM »
So sorry she is causing you so much grief and it is hard when it is your mom or dad but they have lived their lives and this is yours !

I would just listen to what she has to say and shake my head then keep my mouth shut and do what I want to do !! you are old enough to decide what you want and she is going to have to let you do what you want and support you and she wont stop loving you she may get mad but she loves you she will get over it and if you don't do it now she will continue when you are married and then that is when the Horrible Mother In Law comes in and your Husband will be the one to also be in the middle and this could possibly lead to issues in your marriage so don't let that happen! He is right but with some people no matter how much you say to them they don't care and don't listen and yes turn the tables on you so this is YOUR wedding remember that and have it like you want it!!

Good Luck and Best Wishes on your upcoming wedding!
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PEACE, LOVE AND HAPPINESS !

God is Good all the Time! All the Time God is Good! :)

Offline Meganlee

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Re: Planning a wedding with a manipulative and controlling mother
« Reply #2 on: June 23, 2014, 01:38:43 PM »
Thanks TulipLover! I really do appreciate hearing those words. And yes- you are right, I can already see it bothering my fiance and he tries his best to help me but I need to stay strong. 
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