I am going into month three of an HA theme and am seriously considering taking zoloft or even inositol to stop this cycle. I am so afraid to take the meds even temporarily; I did before and I got robot-y after several months. I also lost my sex drive. But the nature of my fear and its relationship to stress is starting to make me think without help, I can be creating a self-fulfilling prophesy. The situation:
Since March, I've been nurturing a fear of missing my period. This all really started when I had an annual and in addition the pap, I had an endometrial biopsy. I Googled relentlessly about the biopsy and learned far more about missed periods than I should ever have done. When my next period came around light, the match was struck.
Since then it's been a normal pap, normal endometrial biopsy, normal ultrasound - all in April - as well as normal periods. However, each month, I am paralyzed with fear that I won't get a cycle and this will mean that I have ovarian c-word. I've done tons of research and arrive at the same three facts:
- missed periods are not a typical sign of ovarian c-word; when they do show up, it's for a rare type of OC that also comes with several other, obvious hormonal symptoms (ie. a beard)
- o c is rare in general; as a black, pre-meno female, I'm in an especially low risk group
- o c is spotted on ultrasounds; because I have fibroids, I've had at least five ultrasounds over the years ,the most recent on April 28. They saw nothing.
None of this works. I continue to believe that I'm at risk, and have taken to all manner of ovulation prediction - from temping to OPKs to cervical mucous charting (the details of which I will spare you!!). You would think I was feverishly trying to get pregnant. Instead, I'm feverishly trying to predict the future. I take my temperature daily and if anything seems NOT like the normal BBT I'm horrified. I am obsessively meditating and forcing myself to watch comedy specials daily to keep my mood good - for fear that any type of stress will destroy my cycle. I have to know I will have a period. Before I would have it, then be OK for a week; now I am literally worrying about the next period while buying pads for the current one.
Thursday I broke down and saw the psychiatrist, got a presciption for zoloft and wellbutrin. I have not agreed to take it. I considered just going progress. I'm desperately afraid any medicine will cause massive weight gain, loss of all emotion and some type of horrible effects that will go on long after I stop. I did it for about 10 months before, and this did not happen; I had lessened sex drive, but no problems with ability to orgasm. I also asked for the Wellbutrin as a backup if that happened again.
I have a loooooooong history of stress and have not ever missed a period as a result - but I know it is not impossible (it happened to my partner before). I can't help but worry that if I don't stop with the stress, eventually I WILL experience an annovulatory cycle.
My girlfriend and I are having problems and my job is tanking also, so the stress levels are getting pretty bad.
IS IT TIME TO TRY THE MEDICINE, JUST FOR A MONTH OR TWO? Please someone read. I need some real support with this. Also, I am in Atlanta. If anyone else is, and you have a meetup or anything, I am SO there for that.
There are days when I would take a hug from a stranger if they understood. SERIOUSLY.