So, I've recently hit an anxiety bump I just can't get myself out of, and It's killing me. I've been sitting on it for way too long, but I can't just put it in the back of my mind anymore, I need to get some extra help, because, well, I'm not very good at it! I'm not asking for a diagnosis, or anything, I know not just anyone can do that, but just a step in a right direction, that's all. I just have issues feeling happy, and, well, it it hurts a lot.
So, a few of my anxiety, erm, "quirks," I guess.
-I lock every single one of my doors excessively. I double check all of the time. If I don't know for a FACT that they are not locked, I cannot concentrate on anything.
-I'm a clean freak at my job (Walmart. I hate it... very, very much.) If I see an item with a tiny malfucntion, or a dab of something, I lose my mind, and I feel like I need to throw like, HUNDREDS of things into overstock. If I did that, though,I would lose my job probably around seven times in a row.
-PEOPLE. My coworkers, friends, family, even my damn girlfriend I have trouble communicating with. I know EXACTLY what I want to say, but I sware, I lose all consciousness once I start talking. I mumble, I stutter, I'm too damn anxious to realize what's actually coming out of my mouth because I have too many anxious thoughts in my mind, it's like I can't even hear what I'm saying, It's so hard to get once damn sentence out. The worst thing in my life is communication, when in fact, I would LOVE to be a people person! I just get so angry around people, just because of my communication issues.
-Weird one, but sometimes when I work, I use rubber gloves. Ok, whatever. But I sware, I CANNOT THROW THESE THINGS AWAY. I sware, I don't know why, it just stress me the hell out! I have a whole glove compartment full of them in my car. Another weird one, when I take out the trash, I always have to stick a hole into the bag before I put it outside in the dumpsters. Oh, I wish I had logic in my life, lol.
-Criticism is hard for me. I have trouble getting on a damn internet movie forum, for crying out loud. I'll post about a movie I dislike, and I'll feel guilty for some reason, like I've insulted someone's pride and joy.
- I get pretty angry. Only around myself, really. For really stupid reasons, like losing remotes, and junk. I've punched a wall because I realized I had to go to work one day. But, I REALLY do hate my job! Lol.
And other random stuff. Not being able to wear white shirts, random food spots on particular areas of my clothes piss me off, I despise driving, and anything else my mind can make up for me to sweat about.
Based on what I've described, what should I work on getting help on, and as a nineteen year old who still lives at his parents house, how should I try seeing a counselor, or getting medication, or something? I've had counseling before, and I thought it helped a lot. I've been medicated for this stuff, too, with mixed results (Paxil, Zoloft, etc, I admittedly should have stuck with them for longer, but I was younger, and they were making me feel bad.) I really don't want to tell anyone except my girlfriend about this stuff, I don't like when people know about that stuff. I know, I know, I shouldn't bottle it up, but hey, I dunno. I just want start my life, and not be so afraid of trying stuff I want to do, and staying at home all of the time, and hanging out with friends I haven't seen for forever, and so on. I don't want to work at Walmart anymore, It makes me miserable, but if I quit, I just don't know what else I would tunr to afterwords, the things I want to to are described as hard to get into, and "unrealistic," I guess.
Thanks for any comments, or suggestions. I've been getting on here occasionally throughout the years, and your thoughts, and stories have made me feel better when I have my anxiety troubles. :)