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Author Topic: Help get my feet in the right direction.  (Read 87 times)

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Offline ShopKeeperTriumphs

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Help get my feet in the right direction.
« on: June 22, 2014, 04:16:18 PM »
Hello, all.

So, I've recently hit an anxiety bump I just can't get myself out of, and It's killing me. I've been sitting on it for way too long, but I can't just put it in the back of my mind anymore, I need to get some extra help, because, well, I'm not very good at it! I'm not asking for a diagnosis, or anything, I know not just anyone can do that, but just a step in a right direction, that's all. I just have issues feeling happy, and, well, it it hurts a lot.

So, a few of my anxiety, erm, "quirks," I guess.
-I lock every single one of my doors excessively. I double check all of the time. If I don't know for a FACT that they are not locked, I cannot concentrate on anything.
-I'm a clean freak at my job (Walmart. I hate it... very, very much.) If I see an item with a tiny malfucntion, or a dab of something, I lose my mind, and I feel like I need to throw like, HUNDREDS of things into overstock. If I did that, though,I would lose my job probably around seven times in a row.
-PEOPLE. My coworkers, friends, family, even my damn girlfriend I have trouble communicating with. I know EXACTLY what I want to say, but I sware, I lose all consciousness once I start talking. I mumble, I stutter, I'm too damn anxious to realize what's actually coming out of my mouth because I have too many anxious thoughts in my mind, it's like I can't even hear what I'm saying, It's so hard to get once damn sentence out. The worst thing in my life is communication, when in fact, I would LOVE to be a people person!  I just get so angry around people, just because of my communication issues.
-Weird one, but sometimes when I work, I use rubber gloves. Ok, whatever. But I sware, I CANNOT THROW THESE THINGS AWAY. I sware, I don't know why, it just stress me the hell out! I have a whole glove compartment full of them in my car. Another weird one, when I take out the trash, I always have to stick a hole into the bag before I put it outside in the dumpsters. Oh, I wish I had logic in my life, lol.

-Criticism is hard for me.  I have trouble getting on a damn internet movie forum, for crying out loud. I'll post about a movie I dislike, and I'll feel guilty for some reason, like I've insulted someone's pride and joy.

- I get pretty angry. Only around myself, really. For really stupid reasons, like losing remotes, and junk. I've punched a wall because I realized I had to go to work one day. But, I REALLY do hate my job! Lol.
And other random stuff. Not being able to wear white shirts, random  food spots on particular areas of my clothes piss me off, I despise driving,  and anything else my mind can make up for me to sweat about.

Based on what I've described, what should I work on getting help on, and as a nineteen year old who still lives at his parents house, how should I try seeing a counselor, or getting medication, or something? I've had counseling before, and I thought it helped a lot. I've been medicated for this stuff, too, with mixed results (Paxil, Zoloft, etc, I admittedly should have stuck with them for longer, but I was younger, and they were making me feel bad.) I really don't want to tell anyone except my girlfriend about this stuff, I don't like when people know about that stuff. I know, I know, I shouldn't bottle it up, but hey, I dunno. I just want start my life, and not be so afraid of trying stuff I want to do, and staying at home all of the time, and hanging out with friends I haven't seen for forever, and so on.  I don't want to work at Walmart anymore, It makes me miserable, but if I quit, I just don't know what else I would tunr to afterwords, the things I want to to are described as hard to get into, and "unrealistic," I guess. :P

Thanks for any comments, or suggestions. I've been getting on here occasionally throughout the years, and your thoughts, and stories have made me feel better when I have my anxiety troubles. :)
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Offline Cuchculan

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Re: Help get my feet in the right direction.
« Reply #1 on: June 23, 2014, 05:36:21 AM »
From your words I see a bit of a mixture of things going on. This is common enough. Part OCD. Part social anxiety. As for help. I would visit my local doctor first. I would explain my situation to him. Get him to refer me to a good therapist. I know you have seen someone before. I am not sure what they told you they thought you had? If they told you anything. It is normal to feel angry too. Because you feel lost with this condition. We can get a bit frustrated. It is not something we ever asked for. Yet here we are suffering, wondering if it will ever go away. There is always a road back. Just have to believe in yourself. Find the right help. I would keep a journal. Progress made. Plus other things you may go through. It will be useful to read back over. May give you a chance to see areas where you feel changes are needed.
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