So, on a lark, I googled Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Alien Abductions. Oddly enough, these forums ended up being one of the results. Now, I'm not saying I've been abducted by aliens but sometimes you just need to have a little fun at your own crazy's expense.
My situation is not a good one. Things are getting harder by the day. So maybe I'm here as some form of relief... I don't know. All I can say is a part of me was happy to see this site.
Quite a few years ago I was diagnosed with a panic attack. This then developed into chronic panic attacks, very debilitating. After some time with a psychiatrist I was given a huge list of my mental illnesses. So it appears that I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and the Depression that comes with it, as well as OCD, Social Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, and PTSD. It's hard to say where it all began. I've had phobias all my life.. in a manner of speaking. I've always been afraid of heights but not agoraphobic until more recently.
My life was never all that great, but it could have been worse. Keeping that in mind, when I was in my early 20's I had started using marijuana (and derivatives thereof [Hashish/Hashish Oil]). There was one time when I thought I had smoked too much, overdosed if you will, and my heart was racing and I was scared that I was going to have a heart attack. It eventually passed, but I found that from that point on everytime I smoked up I would get the same sensation. So I just quite smoking it. Problem went away, or so I thought. Fast forward a few years to when I was 28... I was sitting on a bus headed to work and reading a book like I did every other day for months. When it felt like my heart had just.. stopped... I go a little dizzy and even felt the burn in the center of my chest. Then I panicked (in an introverted manner.. I didn't flee the bus or scream for help I sat there and tried to decide of I should ask the bus driver to call an ambulance). Of course by this time my heart was just jack-hammering away and I must've been quite the sight to behold. I'd become very fidgety. After 10 mins the bus had arrived at my work so I got off and had a colleague drive me to the hospital. There they put me on an EKG and took my blood. After the agonizing wait, where I expected to drop dead at any moment, they came back and told me the EKG was fine and there were no traces of whatever would leave a trace in my blood if I'd had a heart attack. The ER doctor said I had probably just had a panic attack and that I would be fine. I took him at his word. However the next days, weeks, months were characterized by daily panic attacks, some days had several panic attacks make an appearance. My friends were getting sick of me calling them for a ride to the hospital ER.
That is the beginning of what has become my own personal hell. I'm sure I will expound upon this in a further post as soon as I can figure under which topic I belong. (I couldn't find Batsh-t Crazy as a topic