Hi everyone, my name is Kaylee and I'm 24.
I wouldn't REALLY say I'm new to depression, because I've always felt a little "down" most of my life. About 4 to 5 months ago, I moved in with my boyfriend of 5 years. We moved into his mother's house because she is out of the country. We don't pay any "rent" but are responsible for utilities and groceries. Moving out after living with my grandmother since I was born totally destroyed me. I cried for 3 weeks straight and missed home so much I could barely stand it. Eventually, things got better, and I learned to cope. Fast forward to 3 weeks ago, my car crapped out and I was put in a difficult decision of needing a car now. With my grandmothers help and encouragement, I stupidly and regrettably bought a brand new car. Now, I can not function. For 3 weeks I have been completely and totally inconsolable. I cry constantly, can't sleep, can't eat, have 5 to 6 anxiety attacks daily and when I do manage to get a small amount of sleep I wake up and immediately run to the bathroom to vomit and start sobbing. I sought help from my primary care doctor and she put me on Zoloft 2 weeks ago this Friday. I know the medicine hasn't had enough time to help at this point, but I am completely nonfunctioning. I can barely go to work.
I want to go home to my grandma's as it is the only place I don't seem to be completely miserable, but doing so leaves my boyfriend here to pay all the bills in an already tight financial situation. My 19 year old brother also lives with my grandmother and his girlfriend is pregnant, so that will be a full house soon.
I wish I never moved out. I wish I never bought that car. But now, since there's not much I can do about the car without losing $5,000 dollars and then having no transportation, I don't have much of a choice in that. My boyfriend says he supports whatever I need to do to make myself better, but I know that leaving will leave him in a bad situation, and put strain on our relationship.
I don't know what to do, but I know I can't carry on like this much longer.