Thanks for coming by and sharing your experience with us . . . you'll find that we are a pretty welcoming place and I cannot think of anyone who would be critical of one of us seeking help and reassurance . . . . I have been here for about 2 years and I really can't think of a time when someone was nasty . . . probably because the moderators keep a close eye on what is going on and more likely because we know what it is like to be working through issues . . .
I hear, Pixel, what you are saying . . . even though I am far away from 15 years old, I still remember being picked on and trying so hard to be friends and having my peers just, well, make fun of me. No matter who told me that it didn't matter, well it did. Even though I had extremely supportive parents, I became increasing anxious about most things. Even though I am 1000 times better, there are some times in my life that I have to ensure that everything is locked up and even if I am sure, I will check again . . . thankfully, these episodes are few and far between now . . . I think, and I am just speaking for me as I am not a professional, but I think that when I was having problems relating to the people in my outside world, I turned my anxiety inwards and so I would be able to have a target for the anxiety, I started being afraid of everything . . .it became a comfort zone because, for me, then I knew there was a reason for my anxiety but it was a misplaced reason . . .
Now, no one here can diagnose if you have a disorder or not because we are not trained professionals which brings me to another question for you to consider and you do not have to post any answers or say anything you don't want to share but have you spoken to your parents about this specifically? It seems that you need to work with someone who is specially trained in anxiety . . . .the good news is that our brains do not stop forming until our mid 20s so now is an ideal time to start to work through some of your issues . . . it is not a one time event but it will take time . . .
As for the outside world and your peers . . . and this has nothing to do with age but with experience . . . . sometimes peers are jealous and sometimes they are just mean because they are unhappy with themselves . . . .you cannot be everything to everyone . . .but you can be the best you that you can be . . . . yes, this does take courage and independent thought but if you are a bright and happy person, then you need to cultivate these qualities as you are working your way guided by a counselor to reframe your anxiety . . . does it take strength of character to cut an independent personality? yep, it does. Is it hard work? Yep, it is. Will you get frustrated? Yeah, in all likelihood . . .. but, perhaps there are outside volunteer activities where your unique talents will be appreciated . . .perhaps you have a hobby that you would like to refine and bring up to the level of an independent business . . . . you may have created a comfort zone out of being anxious . . .a comfort zone is simply some reality that is familiar even if it is negative but you can create any comfort zone you want and you can write any history for your life you want . . . .
Now, before I sign off, let me tell you something about the person I think you are --- I think you are strong as you took the initiative to share your story; I think you are bright because you are extremely articulate for a 15-year old; I think that you are fundamentally a happy person because you know deep down that is where you want to be; and I think that you are particularly courageous to share your experience with us . . .whenever you can and you feel that you want to, do come and post here if only to say hi, but let us know how we might be able to support you and please know that we depend on you to support us also . . . .everyone's experience here has a value . . . take care, kc