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Author Topic: Lump on the front of my throat, yet I'm not freaking out. A story of success  (Read 344 times)

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Offline wegngis

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Hello fellow members.  I want to share a bit of what I'm going through now.  I've had all sorts of "weird things going on" (my Dr.'s words) over the past 2+ years.  I've run the gamut from being on death's door (not really, only in my own mind) to being ok.  I've really come a long way since first posting here.

What I'm dealing with now is something that I've read about by other members.  I was shaving over the weekend, and felt a sore lump toward the top of my thyroid.  "Hmmm, must be a swollen lymph node," I thought.  Just by random chance I had a checkup scheduled yesterday, so I mentioned it to my doctor.  He felt for it, and said, yes, I can tell there's something there.  We should probably check into that more.  Ultrasound, then if that doesn't show much, fine needle aspiration.  He said it's probably nothing, and I believe him.

Ok now, cut to my life 2-years ago.  That would have been like telling me, "you better get your affairs in order, you'll be dead soon."  Now?  I'm actually ok with it.  Why?  Partially from talking things through here, partially because I'm becoming more comfortable being a person with anxiety.  I'm getting to the point where I can recognize the waves that rock me to and fro, and I'm learning how to ride them rather than being drowned by them.

Am I totally calm about it?  Well, no, and that's totally OK.  The kind of anxiety I'm feeling is more like the kind you might feel when you don't have any food at home and dinner is going to be "interesting."  Or like leaving your cell phone home accidentally.  Not earth shattering, but something's bugging you.  That's where I'm at.  It's not like I'm having to fight the anxiety beast, more like I'm riding it and staying on top of it, much like a surfer would ride a wave.  Sure there's effort and skill and luck involved, but I'm better at it.  I'm scheduled to have the ultrasound in a couple of days.  I'm doing well, and the weird thing that swelled is actually going back down a bit.  It's not small, at least an inch across.

Anyway, that's my ramble.  I'll take any well wishes that may come my way, but honestly, I don't have the energy to freak out about it right now.  I'd rather ride the wave than succumb to it.  It's much easier up on top than drowning underneath.
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MOST anxiety happens at the subconscious level.  JUST because you don't feel consciously anxious or had a day or two of calm doesn't mean your mind & body are relaxed.  It can take months of reduced anxiety before a body goes back to a more non-reactive state.  - AnxietyZone member Sixpack

Offline sixpack

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oh wegnis,   you've become a surfer.  You are hanging ten and taking names!!!!    lol, IDK if that last sentence really goes together but I like the way it sounds so I am just leaving it!  Good for you.


and any person wouldn't relish the idea of lumps and ultrasounds.  Let me know how it goes.  I am betting, though, things will be fine.



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MOST anxiety occurs on a subconscious level.  JUST because you don't feel consciously anxious or had a day or two of calm doesn't mean your mind & body are relaxed.  It can take months of reduced anxiety before a body goes back to a more non-reactive state

Offline wegngis

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You are hanging ten and taking names!!!!

Heck, I'll take whatever accolades anyone can conjure up!
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MOST anxiety happens at the subconscious level.  JUST because you don't feel consciously anxious or had a day or two of calm doesn't mean your mind & body are relaxed.  It can take months of reduced anxiety before a body goes back to a more non-reactive state.  - AnxietyZone member Sixpack

Online vardnas

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High five, dude!

Glad to hear you're handling your situation so well. Hope it turns out to be nothing!
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In case anyone is still confused:  googling your symptoms will cause you to remain in a state of extreme anxiety. Stepping away from the internet is the first step toward lasting peace.

Offline kcg13

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Good for you wegngis!  That's truly awesome that you aren't being totally sucked into the anxiety ride.  I hope you continue to ride the wave through the test results.  You can do it!  You know that Drs know what they are feeling - if your dr feels like it is nothing, it most likely is (i have had that 2x before - the Dr thought it was ok but wanted the ultrasound - no request of mine) and both times fine, like they originally thought.  I am betting no different for you.  Stay strong - you can do it!
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Our thoughts dictate our emotions .... in other words, how you think is what you will feel.

Offline mollyfin

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Glad you're doing so well! 
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Offline wegngis

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Had the ultrasound this morning.  Tech said she wouldn't tell me what she thought they were, but then later said they looked like lymph nodes (turns out there are 3 in there, not just 1).  My doctor will see it later today.  So, now the waiting game begins.
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MOST anxiety happens at the subconscious level.  JUST because you don't feel consciously anxious or had a day or two of calm doesn't mean your mind & body are relaxed.  It can take months of reduced anxiety before a body goes back to a more non-reactive state.  - AnxietyZone member Sixpack

Offline mollyfin

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Good luck!  Even without HA, waiting sucks.
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Offline wegngis

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It took a while to get the results (they claim they left a message for me, I was out of town, etc.) but here it is:

"inform ultrasound suggests normal lymph node (not enlarged); inform us if this is enlarging"

Not enlarged?  I beg to differ, but it's ok.  It shrunk back down again a few days after the test.  All is well!
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MOST anxiety happens at the subconscious level.  JUST because you don't feel consciously anxious or had a day or two of calm doesn't mean your mind & body are relaxed.  It can take months of reduced anxiety before a body goes back to a more non-reactive state.  - AnxietyZone member Sixpack

Offline Lars Thorwald

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Fantastic!
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"Is it meningitis? Scoliosis? Lupus? Is it lupus?"  --George Costanza

Offline mollyfin

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Woohoo!   And you made it through the entire thing without panicking or letting your anxiety get the best of you!  That's so awesome.
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Offline famv5

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Good for you for handling all of this the way you did.

I need to learn from you.

I'm so glad everything turned out just fine. 
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"Our anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strengths" - Charles H. Spurgeon

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