Hey everyone, its been a while since my last post. I have been doing pretty well, i guess. I have, these past 2 weeks, slipped into a bit of a depression. Nothing brings me joy, nothing makes me happy, no hope. The usual... Here's the point:
My father took his own life when I was only 1 or so. I found this out at about age 9 from my mom when I asked why I had a different last name than the man who raised me (my mom remarried when I was about 3). She told me he was an alcoholic who cheated on her and used drugs and was abusive. I see those as tell tale signs of an underlying mental disorder which I believe I may have inherited. I suffer from bouts of anxiety and depression. What scares me the most though is the creepy creepy creepy and depressing thought that I may one day end up like him. I dont drink, im afraid of alcohol, and I dont use drugs, except coffee lol. Right now though, in this depression Im in, Im extremely afraid of taking my own life. I dont plan on it. It scares the tar out of me. But who really ever "plans" to do that. I here about people all the time who showed no signs of it.
Im getting married in 3 months and I want to somewhat have my life together before I do that. What should I do? I dont like the idea of meds but do they help? It seems to me, all i ever hear is people complain about all the terrible side effects and their ineffectivness. Vitamins? I heard B-12 may help. My spiritual life is a wreck on which im sort of working on but dont want to throw my eggs in that basket quite yet. Any advice?