I am a 32 year old stay at home mom, living in Wasilla, Alaska. I have been married for almost 6 years and we have a three year old daughter. I have diagnosed Generalized Anxiety and Social Anxiety and Emetophobia (diagnosed in my early 20's and all have recently gotten worse) and a couple more problems that have cropped up since then (possible mild hypochondria). In recent years, my health has declined, and our lack of health insurance has made is very difficult to go to the doctor to get things treated or at least under control. Not to mention taking care of my anxiety issues. As a result, my anxieties have gotten worse.
My husband is tired of hearing about how something "new" is hurting each day and how I think we are going to get sick after every meal we eat. I have tried SO hard to keep these thoughts to myself, but in the end I voice them. I can almost see his eyes rolling now... Don't get me wrong, he is supportive and we love each other, but I think after years of hearing about my problems, he is done with it. It's to the point where he isn't listening to me much anymore, no matter what I say because he is assuming I'm complaining about pain, sickness, fear of someone calling, inviting me to something, etc. When I met him he was fairly social, but since we have been together, we don't do anything anymore and I know that's my fault.
I'm also afraid that my problems are going to continue to effect our daughter. Right now, being three, she doesn't understand/know about this stuff. I find myself lying to her about why a friend of mine can't come over with her son because "they are sick" or some other excuse. I'm lying to my friends, telling them that my daughter is sick and we can't go to the park or over to visit. What scares me about this is I'm afraid my problems are going to rub off on her and she won't want to be social growing up.
We only have one car in our family and my husband takes that to work every day. Our daughter and I are home all day every day. Some weeks, I don't leave the house at all, since my husband has taken to doing the grocery shopping for the week Friday evenings before he comes home from work. As a result of this (and two major car accidents in the past 5 years) I am almost afraid to drive anymore. Because we don't have access to a car during the week, we don't go anywhere or do anything with other kids and parents. I have a few friends that would gladly come over with their kids to play and socialize, but I am quick with either made-up excuses or ways to make it too complicated for them. If I somehow manage to say yes or they work around my "excuses", I end up canceling the day before via text saying my daughter isn't feeling well.
I was a Pampered Chef consultant for 2 years and recently gave that up because I would be in such a panic the whole week before I was to do a party at someone's house, I would be sick. Plus I didn't want to make phone calls or answer my phone when customers would call, so my business was both getting better because I was at it so long and had a nice clientele, but also declining because I wouldn't take the extra steps and make phone calls.
Not many people know about my anxiety's. My parents (who say it's all in my head and I need to "get over it"), my sister (who ignores it, she has problems of her own) and my husband. None of my friends know because I really don't think they would understand enough to help. They would think the way to "get over it" is for me to do more stuff, so they would start inviting me to a bunch of things...not helpful!
Anyway, that's me. For years I didn't think it was so bad. But writing it all out like that...scary.