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Author Topic: Really bad panic attack?  (Read 243 times)

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Offline TheCivilYoshi

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Really bad panic attack?
« on: June 15, 2014, 11:15:27 PM »
Hi, lately i've been experiencing really bad bouts of harm OCD and am terrified of the future.

I was spending time at the movies with my girlfriend and i had a spike occur in the theater for some reason. (We were watching a kids movie, but it had happened anyway.)

We went back to my house and we were talking to each other about random things, and marriage got brought up. I wasn't particularly fond of the subject, mostly because we're young, but she just wanted to talk about it for comfort. After marriage was brought up, i had a sudden spike of thinking about a divorce after we got married and what would happen if we got divorced. Naturally my harm OCD ridden mind (At least i hope its Harm OCD) started thinking up grotesque images of me killing her/going insane after our "divorce". I became extremely worried but didn't want to say anything.

Then, i suddenly had magical thinking kick it. I have a "fear" of the dark (Being in the dark "represents Evil/Death" to me, thanks to my OCD) it doesn't happen all the time, but when i'm spiked it's particularly bad.

we were walking downstairs and the lights were off, so out of fear (I suppose it was a compulsion?) i turn the light on ASAP. Then my magical thinking kicked in. She was getting picked up by her friends and my mind

had thought that this was a prediction of the future of our relationship. (Her leaving, getting picked up by her friend, etc.) After she left i went upstairs to take my medicine and my magical thinking kicked in again with

"These pills symbolize me committing ***** in the future/Getting high throwing away my life after our divorce". (I took the pills anyway after shaking my head at the idea, because clearly i wasn't going to let stupid thoughts

convince me that something like that was going to happen.)

Anyway, after all this has happened tonight i feel really scared. I took a slight sedative (Passion flower and Valerian) and am kinda drowsy now, but the events that occurred tonight really unsettled me more than any previous ocd experience has.

Im constantly on edge thinking im hearing sounds or that im developing schiz. Its becoming really overwhelming. I dont know how to lessen symptoms anymore and im getting really tired of dealing with this all...

Any advice for someone who doesn't want to take medication? Im convinced i can handle this without it... i just dont know where to really start other than "Just let the thoughts run wild and torture you." They've already been doing this for a longggggggg time.

The best way i can describe my OCD is that it makes me go through my life viewing certain events or things as if they are symbols in a book, or a representation of the future in some way. (It really makes me worried im actually going to start believing this, and fall into a psychosis. I really don't want this to happen, and would like to prevent it in anyway possible.)
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Offline healyshouse

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Re: Really bad panic attack?
« Reply #1 on: June 16, 2014, 08:33:18 AM »
HI Yea i donít take anything never wanted to as its just to take edge of and when you come of them it comes back....

i suffered from harm o thinking i was schitz thinking all sorts to the point i would lie in bed and cry... dreading the next day not knowing what would happen...

let me tell you what wont help you before i begin.. .. (this is my own personal opinion through what helped me recover)

searching for a cure (google)
looking for answers
wishing it away
self pity
thinking it will never end
seeking reassurance

now how to move on and this is the hard bit a lot of hard work..

there is no miracle cure.. no magic pill so stop looking it doesnít exist, the only person that can help you is you.

looking for answers will never help you as it will only increase your anxiety nor will seeking reassurance.. this will never help as it will elevate the anxiety at 1st for a few minutes but in essence all you are doing are confirming you have something to fear when there is nothing fear

you have to feel the anxiety every bit of it without wishing it away accepting it all.. when in the dark donít rush to turn on light.. leave it off let your mind see nothing bad will happen if you donít turn it on...

when you have harm thoughts dont question them leave them to run riot in you head while not getting involved in what there are doingÖ they will kick scream at you to pay attention to them..

the more you get used to feeling the anxiety and not doing anything to change how you feel or think the more you show that is actually its is a false fear thus over time showing you have nothing to fear..

acceptance is key.. by acceptance i dont mean accepting you have anxiety and it will all go away as it WONT trust me this dosnt happen over night!

you have to accept the way you feel and think is down to your anxiety and carry on with you normal daily life..

if you are accepting it to get rid of the anxiety it will never work as that is trying to change how you feel and thinkÖand when you dont see change you start to panic so again no looking for change accept anxiety  it in all its nasty glory and live with it there.

i have done this for months and very rarely do i have harm thoughts and when they come if dont fight or worry about them as it is just a thought

I no longer worry I am going schist or that I will start to hear voices, I no longer fear that I will harm anyone. I know longer feel spaced out like am on another planet.

now you will have loads a head chatter but that fine,

also you will incur set backs.. set back are when you have days of feeling good then back to square one.. its important not to fall into the trap of set backs as that is just anxiety way off pulling you back in, again accept not every day will be a good day and most will just be.

just take one day at a time never be to hard on your self.

also Google a book called at last a life i found it great, this is where i found my self help.

for quick access to some more info goggle anxiety no more

there is loads of useful info

also dont look for things that match you as that is seeking reassurance, all anxiety is the same.. just a different thought pattern that is it.
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" you will never get better until you stop trying to get better" By Paul David author of " at last a life"