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Author Topic: Old Family Scars vs. New Life Changes  (Read 281 times)

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Offline Taz0123

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Old Family Scars vs. New Life Changes
« on: June 15, 2014, 03:56:03 PM »
Hello again all,

Just wanted to see if anybody has a similar "family" situation to mine, and if you have any helpful suggestions.

I currently live on my own (which is such a helpful thing for me right now, the peace and quiet), but before that I lived in the same large apartment with my younger sister and mother. Parents have been divorced since I was 11-12 years old, they never once got along and no I do not speak to my "father" at all. My "mother" is an icebox, or at least I have always perceived her that way to me, basically just giving me a place to live and some slight financial support when I was going through high school and nothing more. We've never had a heartfelt conversation, I've never felt comfortable or accepted around her, and she seems to clearly have a better relationship with my sister who's more similar to her than I am.

I've always felt like the "black sheep" of our extremely dysfunctional family. Only relatives are on dad's side, who I maybe remember getting alone with 1 or 2 of them back when I was forced to go to toxic family dinners when I was younger. I never fit in with anyone, or felt comfortable around any of them, including my parents. I can't honestly remember hearing any words of support, love or anything similar growing up. I basically took care of myself.

Most recently my mother is battling cancer. She's had multiple surgeries, treatments, and long hospital visits, which have turned her into an even more venomous and selfish person. She was diagnosed a little over a year and a half ago and I moved out of "her" apartment before her drama and toxic personality killed me. I slowly grew to hate her, and avoid her at all costs. And now that I'm living on my own she wants to "chat" with me again, something we never did when I was living in her place.

She's tried calling me, which I ignore, and e-mailing me, which I've only once responded to tell her to leave me alone. I've had multiple deeply depressive moods before I was on medication for days after she started harassing me. Now that I'm dealing with a mood disorder, and trying to find a way out of my toxic workplace, dealing with her is the last thing I want to do.

Please help?
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Offline bluerose

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Re: Old Family Scars vs. New Life Changes
« Reply #1 on: June 16, 2014, 08:07:00 PM »
She may be reaching out to you because she's afraid she's going to die.  Some people in this situation take stock of their lives and turn over a new leaf but since she's still "venomous" I wouldn't feel any need for contact with her unless you feel like you need closure.  I had a monster for a mother and I wouldn't have had any contact with her after I moved out at age 20 but my father made it clear that they came as a unit.  I loved my father dearly and so I put up with my mother's shananigans so I could see my father.  She died about five and a half years before he did and I have to say the visits we had with him after my mother was gone were the best I'd ever had.  It was peaceful, enjoyable and pleasant.  My father had one huge failing -- he let my mother run the show and usually didn't stand up for himself or me.  But he also loved me dearly and to me he was my mother and my father -- a very nurturing man.  How he and my mother got together I still don't know -- they were complete opposites.  I still cherish those peaceful five and a half years.  But if they would've divorced or if he would've died before she did I would've had nothing to do with her.  She was an evil person.  Take care of yourself, follow your heart and do what is best for you.
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You wanted justice, but there was none, only love.