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Author Topic: HA flared up again triggered by tragic death of friends' friend  (Read 232 times)

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Offline mikran

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Trigger warning ahead!

Since my initial panic attacks back in March my HA has gradually subsided and this Tuesday my therapist told me I'm doing so well that I don't need further counceling. Yesterday However I was reached by tragic news that a friend of some of my friends recently died of some horrible cancer, only months after dx. This guy was only two years older than me and it seems that he suffered from gall bladder cancer, which is both a rare form of cancer that primarily hits the elderly.
I have been feeling bad about this ever since and naturally it has added fuel to my dormant HA, particularly my fear of pancreatic C. Up until now I have successfully reassured myself by looking at statistics (the risk of developing any lethal cancer at my age is remote according to all sources), but this recent case has got me thinking "If he got it, why not me?". To make matters worse, I have started to experience abdominal and back discomfort again, a sort of recurring, dull pressure in the epigastric area which I fear is where the pancreas is situated.

Now I feel depressed and also duped by doctors and medical literature which repeatedly states that cancer is supposed to be a disease of the elderly. My friends' friend was young and looked fit and healthy, and now he's suddenly gone. And I keep hearing of people dying of the disease, a lot of them in the prime of their lives. As far as I'm concerned, cancer is just like the Black Death of the Middle Ages - striking out of the blue and harvesting victims regardless of age while medical science can do little or nothing to offer any help. I feel doomed and even if it will turn out that I'm perectly healthy now, the "big C" will eventually get me somehow, some day :(
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Offline KaceyAndy

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Re: HA flared up again triggered by tragic death of friends' friend
« Reply #1 on: June 15, 2014, 12:53:07 AM »
Unfortunately, I cannot offer any help but can emphasize as your post sounds as if I wrote it!  I cannot stop worrying about cancer after having a scare (which was completely blown out of proportion by me) about 18 months ago with gallbladder or bile duct cancer.  I even had my gallbladder out 15 months ago and the pathology was fine but I still have discomfort in that area and although I had a clean MRI and blood work, I can't get it out of my head that it is some slow growing cancer.  Plus, I keep hearing stories of young (30s and40s) people dying of cancer and I just feel like I am doomed to get it.  So tired of feeling this way and not enjoying my life.  I know that I am just wasting time worrying but I cannot seem to help it.  So I know where you are coming from and hope we both are able to find some peace!
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Offline KaceyAndy

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Re: HA flared up again triggered by tragic death of friends' friend
« Reply #2 on: June 15, 2014, 01:17:38 AM »
I meant I can empathize not emphasize !
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Offline park682

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Re: HA flared up again triggered by tragic death of friends' friend
« Reply #3 on: June 15, 2014, 09:02:22 AM »
I understand everything you just wrote...I fear blood.clots and lung cancer. My doctor tells me that my chance of having it at 32 is very slim. Then someone on ***** talked about someone they knew just died of it and was 29.

The advice I can say is don't give up...you are going to hear news like that all the time (it's sad but true). We can't lose progress we make because crappy things happen to us and/or others.

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Offline mikran

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Re: HA flared up again triggered by tragic death of friends' friend
« Reply #4 on: June 15, 2014, 04:56:40 PM »
Thanks for your replies. It seems that lately, wherever I turn, there are young people battling and dying of cancer. I suppose I have to come to terms with my own mortality and overcome my fear of death. A couple months prior to the onset of my HA, I began pondering on deep philosphical thoughts about life and death and these thoughts have lingered on.

One thing that has helped me a bit is trying to change my thought pattern. E.g. instead of thinking "That young cancer patient could be me next time" I look at elderly people and think "If they have made it this far, so can I".
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