Hey everyone. My name's Patrick and I've had anxiety for as long as I can remember, including early childhood. I've just never been able to "grasp" how everyone walks around and does things so effortlessly and doesn't have to have a "back door" out "just in case". Maybe that sounds familiar to some of you. I've seen therapists, taken meds, etc. but I'm still fighting it every day and sometimes it just feels like I want to sleep all the time (I actually used to do just that but now I keep somewhat regular hours - though as you can see it's 2AM so just not tonight
I should be sleeping, but for some reason I dread actually climbing into bed and laying there because I have absolutely nothing to distract me and sometimes I've even worked myself up into a panic because of this. I'm an intelligent person, which is why the whole thing bothers me even more. It's like I just can't stop obsessing about panic long enough to enjoy not panicking. Urggh. It's exhausting.
My situation is hardly terrible. I live with my girlfriend in a pretty nice apartment, I've flown across the country to be here, I've gone on vacation up the west coast (1 week long). I did all this. ME. But for some reason, as soon as I'm done doing something hard, the anxiety doesn't lessen, it just comes back like a cloud over my head. You'd think knowing that I'm capable of so much would help ease my mind.
Any of you have that problem? I mean, I'm shocked I was able to do any of this, because even 5 years ago I wouldn't have considered going anywhere.
Anyway, I'm rambling. I guess part of my problem lately and the reason I found this place is because of major stress. Stress can lead to anxiety and all of my friends wonder why I'm so stressed since I have very few responsibilities in life, but they don't seem to understand that it's not a contest. As much as I care about my girlfriend, she and I have been having problems as well. She's got bipolar disorder and is somewhat aggressive and seems to be getting tired of having to "baby" me when I'm having anxiety issues. I'd prefer no one say anything nasty about her, but I can admit most people wouldn't want to have someone with them that doesn't offer much support.
Anyway, just looking for some friendly "voices" on here and maybe some advice. Sometimes I just don't have a clue what to do about the feelings that overwhelm me. Nice to meet you all.