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Author Topic: Hi, lifelong anxiety and panic sufferer looking for and offering help.  (Read 265 times)

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Offline Belmont

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Hey everyone.  My name's Patrick and I've had anxiety for as long as I can remember, including early childhood.  I've just never been able to "grasp" how everyone walks around and does things so effortlessly and doesn't have to have a "back door" out "just in case".  Maybe that sounds familiar to some of you.  I've seen therapists, taken meds, etc.  but I'm still fighting it every day and sometimes it just feels like I want to sleep all the time (I actually used to do just that but now I keep somewhat regular hours - though as you can see it's 2AM so just not tonight :P ).

I should be sleeping, but for some reason I dread actually climbing into bed and laying there because I have absolutely nothing to distract me and sometimes I've even worked myself up into a panic because of this.  I'm an intelligent person, which is why the whole thing bothers me even more.  It's like I just can't stop obsessing about panic long enough to enjoy not panicking.  Urggh.  It's exhausting.

My situation is hardly terrible.  I live with my girlfriend in a pretty nice apartment, I've flown across the country to be here, I've gone on vacation up the west coast (1 week long).  I did all this.  ME.  But for some reason, as soon as I'm done doing something hard, the anxiety doesn't lessen, it just comes back like a cloud over my head.  You'd think knowing that I'm capable of so much would help ease my mind.

Any of you have that problem?  I mean, I'm shocked I was able to do any of this, because even 5 years ago I wouldn't have considered going anywhere.

Anyway, I'm rambling.  I guess part of my problem lately and the reason I found this place is because of major stress.  Stress can lead to anxiety and all of my friends wonder why I'm so stressed since I have very few responsibilities in life, but they don't seem to understand that it's not a contest.  As much as I care about my girlfriend, she and I have been having problems as well.  She's got bipolar disorder and is somewhat aggressive and seems to be getting tired of having to "baby" me when I'm having anxiety issues.  I'd prefer no one say anything nasty about her, but I can admit most people wouldn't want to have someone with them that doesn't offer much support. 

Anyway, just looking for some friendly "voices" on here and maybe some advice.  Sometimes I just don't have a clue what to do about the feelings that overwhelm me.  Nice to meet you all.
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Offline omendog

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Hi Patrick, I fully understand where your comin from, I have been sufferin for 32 years now with anxiety and panic...My wife is great support, and with her I feel safe...I know my anxieties and panic get to her sometimes, because we don't do anythin...Her mother was dyin in another state from lung cancer, and i couldn't go, and didn't want her to leave me, so her mom died, and she never got to see her...I feel bad of everythin that she stopped cause of me, I have even told her many times, to just put me away, so she could try and enjoy what is left of life...We rely on our loved one to be there, but sometimes forget, that they are dealin with the situation also.
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Offline jols

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Hi Patrick!   :action-smiley-065:

It's so hard when you don't have the full support of your significant other, and it's so hard to fully understand unless you go through it yourself...such a tough spot to be in.  My ex-husband wasn't supportive at all (he would roll his eyes, and tell me I was just doing it for attention), and it added guilt to what was already a horrible situation.   I found myself always apologizing for my attacks. 

I wish I had advice for you, but I am currently not doing very well.  My therapist suggested that I try yoga, and read as much as I can about mindfulness.  My daughter's doctor suggested guided imagery and breathing exercises.  I've never really done any of that, and it's harder than it sounds because I just can't relax enough to get to that place. 

I wish you speed and light through this awful journey.  :)

   

 
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Offline maegan.0314

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Hi Patrick,

I understand where you are coming from. It is hard to not think "Hey I just conquered something kind of amazing, so my anxiety will be gone now for good", and then there it is, waiting for you. Panic and anxiety will never leave us. It is a part of us. And that is okay. You can live with it and learn to accept it while still enjoying your life.

I too believe stress is the root of it all. My anxiety was something very mild up until I entered nursing school. I had never experienced such stress in my life and boom, the panic began 1st semester. And now it is something that I cannot shake. It is just a part of me, and that's okay. I am sure that this can be hard on your girlfriend as she is dealing with her own problems as well. My boyfriend is cool as a cucumber, no anxiety or any sort of problem for him (I envy him lol). But I can even see it on his face that it gets tiring just dealing with my panic and anxiety. But still, don't be afraid to share it with that person. It is important I think. Also counseling helps. Its a nice way to keep some burden off of your significant other.

I am not sure if my post has much direction ( it is almost 3 am haha) but I just wanted to let you know that I am here in support and I understand what you are going through. And as far as your panicking thoughts and feelings, try to accept and be mindful of them. Let them flow through you and don't try to avoid them. When you do, your giving them to much power. Take away that power. And you may notice they do not wreak as much havoc.  :winking0008:
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Just breathe.

Offline KellboRose

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Hi Patrick
I've had anxiety most of my life too. I hardly go anywhere or talk to anyone because of it.  I went to my brothers house yesterday and even that was hard for me and he just lives across the street from me lol. I find that whenever I start feeling better I usually have moments of anxiety because I'm afraid of getting worse again. Sometimes I feel like the achievements I make aren't good enough when compared to what other ppl do. I just wanted to say that I it sounds like you have managed some big achievements and I hope you can be proud of that. You can't conquer it all at once. When we've had anxiety for a long time it's going to take a while to get on top of it. Be proud of what you can do and give yourself a chance to accomplish more when your able to. I think it's hard for others to understand what it's like and sometimes they might get a bit stressed out with us which I think is Understandable. That doesn't mean they don't care.  I think we need to try not to feel guilty about what we can't do though and just try to focus on what we are doing.  Anyway I hope things get better :)
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Offline HRB39

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Hi Patrick,

   I share a similar story. Well educated, can understand that what happens to me is just anxiety when I am not in the moment but really struggle in the actual moment. Ive had issues with anxiety/ panic off and on for most of my life but it went away for about 10 yrs completely and then one night out of nowhere I had what I guess was a massive panic attack when I was out of town for work and had to be taken via ambulance to the ER.

The result? Severe anxiety when it comes to staying in a  hotel by myself. I sometimes fall asleep ok just to wake up an hr or two later in a panic feeling like I cant breathe and that I could die with no one to help me. Last time I was out of town I did not experience any major issues but tonight I had some pretty bad anxiety.

 I know youre "out" that you discuss, for me I like to know where the nearest hospital is when I am out of town just in case. The rational mind understands whats happening but in the moment it is so difficult to relax sometimes. I was on .25mg of xanax but stopped taking it about 3 months ago as I just wanted to be free of medication and handle it myself. I also was seeing a CBT but I dont know how much it was actually helping, but I think I may go back.
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