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Author Topic: Scared of hurting myself?  (Read 189 times)

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Offline GoldenFalcon202

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Scared of hurting myself?
« on: June 11, 2014, 12:15:16 PM »
I'm having lots of thoughts of su---de. Not exactly 'Oh I'd just hurt myself using --insert name here--', rather a 'I'm going to hurt myself within a few years time, I just know it, what's even the point if I'm going to end up dead in a few years time.'
It's basically like my fear of killing other people, just reversed. And I'm terrified of dying anyway so it doesn't really make any sense.  ::)

Now I'm terrified I have depression because some days over the last month I've been feeling very down and empty and irritable with everybody. Not all the time, just some days. It's probably just hormones, but I am seriously scared of getting depression because in my mind that just proves the point that I'm going to get so desperate one day I'll hurt myself.

Whenever I see an article on it or even a forum with a thread posted by somebody suicidal, it makes me feel scared and angry and frustrated and takes me ages to calm down. I talked to somebody at a support group type thing at school about it, and they said that because I think it's is a wrong thing to do and I'm so scared of it she doesn't think I'm going to ever do it, but it didn't make me feel any more reassured and I have no idea why. I don't even know if this is OCD or not and that scares me even more.
Please help? D:  :sad0144:
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Offline gtripoli

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Re: Scared of hurting myself?
« Reply #1 on: June 11, 2014, 02:15:48 PM »
Ask yourself this... Would you like to have more of those thoughts? Or less of those thoughts?

I think it's pretty obvious you want less of those thoughts. So, the thoughts are really intrusive thoughts, which are a symptom of OCD.

Have you had any treatment for OCD? There are many tools available with CBT and ERP to help.
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Offline GoldenFalcon202

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Re: Scared of hurting myself?
« Reply #2 on: June 11, 2014, 03:53:18 PM »
Definitely less of the thoughts.

I've told my doctor and he said he'd refer me to a physcologist but it could take quite a while. I'm not entirely sure what to do until then :/
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Offline gtripoli

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Re: Scared of hurting myself?
« Reply #3 on: June 11, 2014, 04:04:02 PM »
I found this article the other day. It sounds quite similar to what you describe.

http://www.sethmad.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/My%20OCD%20by%20Seth%20Madej.pdf

Have you read any books on OCD? I recommend "Imp Of The Mind".
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Offline Never-Quit

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Re: Scared of hurting myself?
« Reply #4 on: June 11, 2014, 05:03:02 PM »
Really feel for you... the "Big Three" -  Panic/Anxiety, Depression, OCD seems to come in a cluster in many people.

I know my OCD is "Biological" and not "Psychological"  - I had battled mild to more extreme OCD over the years.

I was placed on SSRI and within 35 days - all those "Intrusive Thoughts" disappeared - like somebody just flipped a switch in my Brain!   :sprachlos020:   :sign0093:

To prove it to myself, I was tapered myself off the medication, and Yup... within 2 weeks here comes these darn "Intrusive Thoughts" - Went back on the same SSRI - and bang within 3 weeks - no more "Intrusive Thoughts" would enter my mind, I even kept a journal with me to document my thoughts daily.   :sprachlos020: 

One PILL taken daily, removed the constant bombardment of "Intrusive Thoughts" that would send me life into a dark spiral of despair, despite years of Mental Therapy. 


Now my GAD and Anxiety - took a little more work with a combination of medication and CBT mental therapy = Great Success, but that is another story...




OCD - strikes at the inner core of your being... it makes you not trust yourself anymore...the thought Demonic Possession B-; was a possibility, in my mind, that I actually went to church and asked my pastor if these "Intrusive Thoughts" that were ugly, vile, violent, were coming from the Devil? 

Luckily my pastor - said "NO WAY" :sign0195:   and that should go see a doctor and a Psychiatrist.


I've told my doctor and he said he'd refer me to a physcologist but it could take quite a while. I'm not entirely sure what to do until then :/

In the meantime, it is not the real you - there is a chemical imbalance - and you are good, loving and responsible person with a great future!

You are already making progress in checking in with your Psychiatrist - in the meantime there are a lot of good non-medical therapy and books and techniques to help you ! :yes:

Hang in there  :grinning-smiley-003: 

You have a bright future ahead  :nature-smiley-016:
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Never, never, never give up. -Winston Churchill

“You can’t live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you."   ~ John Wooden

Offline GoldenFalcon202

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Re: Scared of hurting myself?
« Reply #5 on: June 12, 2014, 11:56:00 AM »
Thank you all so much! I read the booklet thing and although what the person was experiencing wasn't as bad as what I am, I've still bookmarked it to calm me down at a later date. And Never-Quit, that message made me feel so much better. Thank you so, so much. :)
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