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Author Topic: In desperate need of someone to talk too.  (Read 505 times)

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Offline Lindsay2427

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In desperate need of someone to talk too.
« on: June 10, 2014, 08:22:23 PM »
I am so sorry I have posted so much. I'm sure some of you are so over my posts but I can not overcome this HA. I swore on everything that once my colonoscopy proved to be nothing to worry about I would stop obsessing over having any kind of " C word " but I can't. I am absolutely still just as consumed by my fears than I was during my CC fears. Now it's full blown pancreatic C. I just locked myself in the bathroom sobbing reading my iPad about some young person my age with a pancreatic tumor. When I google I can't find nearly the amount of stories I did about CC in your twenties but still that popped up, i ate a huge dinner tonight followed by 2 oatmeal cookies and I got that bad heartburn pain. It hurt so bad for about 10 mins and then was/ is completely gone. I have zero other PanCan symptoms other than the epigastric pain with referred upper back pain/ burning during the episode. (Not really frequent but periodic, once a month) I'm absolutely sick over the fact I could have PanCan at 27. I have 4 small children who need their mommy. I'm terrified to see my doctor. It took me 1.5 years to finally see a Gastro over periodic blood on my stools because of fear of diagnosis. The only reassurance I try to remind. Yes elf is I only have 1 symptom and it's even that one symptom isn't stop on to PanCan. My pain is actually on my right side where my gallbladder is. I don't have pain on my left side. All other digestive function is completely normal and I rarely ever have this pain after meals. It's actually usually awakes me during sleep. But I'm just terrified it could be my worst fear. I have a severe "c" phobia I have suffered from since childhood. I don't want to seek therapy because they can't assure me I don't have or won't get C.
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Offline NytViolet

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Re: In desperate need of someone to talk too.
« Reply #1 on: June 10, 2014, 08:35:53 PM »
My half-brother died of pancan at 61.  NOTHING you are describing sounds like his symptoms --- not one bit.  Heartburn, GERD, gas, muscles, overactive nerves, irritated gallbladder, etc. are going to cause pain, discomfort, burning, stool changes, etc.  But NOTHING you have said is even remotely like pc.  Also, there may be an exceptional case of a 27 year old getting it (that's probably why her story was featured, because it's HIGHLY UNUSUAL).  Try this, take a Zantac or Prilosec (or the generic equivalent) and when you go to bed, sorta prop yourself up with pillows, otherwise the acid from your tummy will aggravate your gall bladder and make it things worse (been there done that).  Also, if you had PC symptoms (which you do not) that were already noticeable, you would have other symptoms simultaneously and be seriously ill (I won't go into details because you'll start looking for those symptoms).  I pray that you get some peace, this too shall pass! --- HUGS
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God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

Offline Lindsay2427

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Re: In desperate need of someone to talk too.
« Reply #2 on: June 10, 2014, 08:49:25 PM »
Thank you for your kind words. This PanCan fear all started in January of 2013 when I had this heartburn pain one night after pizza. I had also had the pain off and one during my pregnancies but of course that to be expected. My PanCan fears were put on the back burner because shortly after the PanCan scare in his usury of 2013 I noticed periodic blood streaks on my stools. My obsession was then CC. I was convinced it was it. Well it wasn't so not I'm back to focusing on my PanCan fear and this pain isn't helping at all. Tonight it was actually pretty bad under my right rib cage accompanied by heartburn. Maybe 4 back to back pregnancies caused gallstones ??
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Offline london23

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Re: In desperate need of someone to talk too.
« Reply #3 on: June 10, 2014, 09:10:34 PM »
please dont be sorry about how you feel or what you need to get out, we will never get tired of reading what you have to say, and we wont eveer get tired of supporting you and helping you, well always be here for you.
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Offline richdelb

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Re: In desperate need of someone to talk too.
« Reply #4 on: June 10, 2014, 10:27:16 PM »
Perhaps I can comment regarding the pain under the right ribs.  I went thru a period of time when I had INTENSE pain right under my right ribs.  It was very bad.  Went to the doctor and much to my surprise he didn't think much of it.  I was SURE it was at a minimum a gallbladder issue, and at the worse some horrible type of cancer.  The doctor finally sent me for an x-ray and an ultrasound and guess what...They found NOTHING wrong.  (But I still had the pains, really bad). 

I remember the doctor telling me, "maybe it's just your 'thing' right now"  (meaning my physical symptom of stress / anxiety).  Over time, they just gradually went away and it hasn't been an issue for years now...

I have been HORRIBLY stressed out for a few months now and I have all kinds of symptoms, but not the rib pain.  None of it at all. 

I wonder if perhaps our bodies get "tired" (for lack of a better word) of making one thing hurt, and move onto something else.  Sometimes I almost see it as a warning sign that I need to address the stress levels, and when I do my various pains go away (of course, only to be replaced by something stranger the next time around).

I don't know if that helps you any, but your mention of the pains under the right rib set off a little light bulb in my head.  (I actually forgot about all of that until now.  It will be very funny if it starts hurting me now....LOL)

I also have a very long history of GERD and one of the best things I have done for it is to raise the head of my bead by 4 inches using a couple of plain old bricks.   It took a little while to get used to the head of the bed being elevated, but has done WONDERS for my GERD.
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Online thenomnomnomicon

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Re: In desperate need of someone to talk too.
« Reply #5 on: June 11, 2014, 12:12:18 AM »
Again, I'll state that 'hypochondria' is literally named after idiopathic/benign/perceived stomach-related issues.
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Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh

Offline vardnas

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Re: In desperate need of someone to talk too.
« Reply #6 on: June 11, 2014, 12:33:13 AM »
If getting over HA was as easy as just deciding to stop obsessing, then there'd be no point to this board.

Lindsay, you have GOT to address and treat the REAL issue, which is your ANXIETY. If you don't, you will forever be in a cycle of disease fears, and no it doesn't matter which disease or how many tests you just had. Testing won't lead to lasting peace. WILL NOT. Neither will googling.

I'm not preaching to you, and I'm certainly not irritated at you, I'm honestly, sincerely telling you that this is the reality of your situation. Until you're willing to do for you, and put the necessary time in to address your real issue, this is going to keep happening.
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In case anyone is still confused:  googling your symptoms will cause you to remain in a state of extreme anxiety. Stepping away from the internet is the first step toward lasting peace.

Offline ShawnW

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Re: In desperate need of someone to talk too.
« Reply #7 on: June 11, 2014, 07:28:21 AM »
I'm not really sure how you are linking heartburn with PC.  I suppose that is the insanity of this illness.  We move from disease to disease.  If every system of our body is checked we will worry about someone else having a disease.  This is an anxiety problem, not a physical problem.  Nothing you said worries me about PC.  But, if you don't get some help with this you will waste your life away worrying.  That's no way to live.  It's really not.
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My insight, thoughts, experiences or advice that may be posted in this forum are not meant as a substitution for the advice of your physician.

Want to know how to address your anxiety?
http://www.anxietyzone.com/index.php/topic,93402.msg521266.html#msg521266

Offline ARose318

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Re: In desperate need of someone to talk too.
« Reply #8 on: June 11, 2014, 07:33:44 AM »
You can continue to post here until your fingers are numb but everyone is going to continue to tell you the same thing - you need to address the real issue here, your anxiety/obsession. You need to see a Psychologist. You need to get off Google. You need help, professionally, and I mean that in the nicest way. You are missing out on so much of your life. I have a 15 month old, and my HA was horrible before I was pregnant and even while I was pregnant but once I had her I realized that I should be focusing on her, not every ache and pain I get. Do I still have worries, yes of course but I absolutely do not let them consume my every thought. I do not constantly Google when I could be spending time with my daughter. Life is way too short to be so consumed with something that is so unrealistic.

Again, I am in no ways trying to be mean or rude, but factual. Once you get some professional help and let yourself get better (yes, you have to do it yourself) you will be amazed at how much better your life will be!
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Offline ShawnW

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Re: In desperate need of someone to talk too.
« Reply #9 on: June 11, 2014, 07:35:58 AM »
Let me add one more thing.  I am convinced you are addicted to worry.  I believe you are more comfortable being uncomfortable.  That this cycle of worry, study, obsessing over body functions, then seeking solace is an addiction.  And before you think, how could I possibly be addicted to being miserable you must understand that people who are addicted to chemicals are not really any different.  The vast majority are also miserable addicted to the chemicals and the chaos.  This one is going to be very tough for you to break.  You might even be agitated merely reading my post about it.  Denial, and protection of the disease process are two hallmarks.  I know what you are seeking is solace and more reassurance.  But, honestly the members of this board are becoming your enablers.  Lindsay, I say this as someone who really wants to see your suffering stop for you, you kids and your husband.  Please go get some help with this or it will never end.
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My insight, thoughts, experiences or advice that may be posted in this forum are not meant as a substitution for the advice of your physician.

Want to know how to address your anxiety?
http://www.anxietyzone.com/index.php/topic,93402.msg521266.html#msg521266

Offline CarrieAnn

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Re: In desperate need of someone to talk too.
« Reply #10 on: June 11, 2014, 07:48:50 AM »
Because you have suffered with HA since childhood, you are going to need professional help to begin to get over it.  It is deeply ingrained in your thinking because you have had it for so long.  It is a part of you.  Stop trying to use other people's reassurance to convince yourself that you do not have cancer....you are seeking help in the wrong place.  You need to find the knowing that you are ok within yourself, and it only way it will happen is if you address your HA.
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Offline marc

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Re: In desperate need of someone to talk too.
« Reply #11 on: June 11, 2014, 08:35:10 AM »
A study was recently done which examined peoples biggest health fears.
The study results were as follows:

Cancer           41%
Alzheimers     31%
Heart disease   8%

Heart disease is still the number one cause of death.
At your age, PC would be extremely remote. I once asked my doctor about a carcinoid tumor and he told me that
I have a better chance of hitting the lottery.
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If you're going through hell, keep going.
Never, Never, Never, give up.

Offline Lindsay2427

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Re: In desperate need of someone to talk too.
« Reply #12 on: June 11, 2014, 08:39:35 AM »
I want to thank you for your honesty. I have to admit I agree with what everyone of you are saying. I do need it start professional help for this. My mother and grandmother were/are long time suffers of health anxiety. I am almost certain I have OCD. More of the pure obsession type and my obsession is my health. I feel like that is my obsession because ultimately it's something I can not control. Sure I can eat healthy, exercise and take vitamins however that doesn't insure me I don't end up getting my biggest fear. I have a fear if C just has other people who have debilitating phobias (small spaces, snakes) I can't even hear or see the C word with out panicking inside. I have attached a picture of my family. I am doing this to show to everyone and myself that this why I fear illness, theses beautiful people need me here and well. I'm terrified C could take me away and I would miss seeing my children grow up. My husband would probably find another wife to love and raise our children with. I get ill thinking if that.

Shawn - I fear PC with heartburn because mine radiates to my upper beck. I feel the burn there as well. Mostly on my right side. It's in my chest and back. From my googling beck spin is a symptom along with the stomach pain. However it's not really my stomach it's my chest or maybe the upper pit of the stomach around the top rib area. This alone has me convinced. I do not have even 1 other symptom however that could be next to come.

Marc - that's is what I fear a carcinoid on my pancreas. That is what the young person had however for 6 months he was violently ill. Vomiting daily, white stools, fevers, extreme pain and nausea and extreme weight loss. He also was cured by surgery but even just reading the story sent me into overdrive.
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Offline mollyfin

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Re: In desperate need of someone to talk too.
« Reply #13 on: June 11, 2014, 08:43:26 AM »
If you'd had pancreatic cancer for this long, you'd be dead, tbh.  Heartburn and reflux are badly exacerbated by anxiety. 

I know the out of control feeling you have right now, but it's just a feeling.  You can get control of your mind back.  Find a therapist to get you on the right path.  You can beat it!
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Offline rileybug

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Re: In desperate need of someone to talk too.
« Reply #14 on: June 11, 2014, 10:16:18 AM »
I have some of your same fears-but i'm 65 and alot does happen at that age.  i worry about not seeing my daughter get marrieed next june or my grandughter not rememberingme or my daughter starting her career as a doc and me not being there.  I also worry about cc/pan can and heart attacks.  I go to a counsler but still worry every day.I wasnt this way till about 3 years ago-and its taken over my life.  Get started on help now cuz your kids deserve a happy mom.
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