Last time I reduced the dose of Remeron my anxiety pains peaked. They were extremely intense and painful. Having reduced the dose again (1/4 of a 15mg tablet from 7.5mg previously) i'm now plagued with insomnia - a condition i've never suffered from in the past. Without a bare minimum of 6 hours sleep my anxiety pains go nuclear.
Last night I struggled for 3 hours to get to sleep. Towards the end of it I noticed I was getting open eye hallucinations. I'm talking full on vivid colours and patterns. The more I focused on them the brighter the colours and patterns became. Quite unnerving. Almost as strange as yesterday morning when I saw a full 3d man pinned to my wall in a flying kick pose when I opened my eyes having woken up. He turned and smiled at me before disappearing.
So I got out of bed and stayed up for another 3 hours then tried to sleep again. It took 2 hours to finally get to sleep. Then, as another first, I kept waking up every 15 mins or so due to night terrors everytime I did fall asleep. This lasted several hours. Most of these dreams were lucid but not really controllable as crazy and really terrifying things kept happening and kept waking me up. There were times I was convinced I was awake until something utterly horrid happened and woke me up. I kept waking up in a panic and then falling back to sleep again. Honestly this is very new for me - 3 new and very unnerving things happening in one night.
Remeron is supposedly one of the easier anxiety medications to come off. I get the feeling i'll be having a nap or 2 today as I think I manged 2.5-3 hours of sleep last night and I feel like a wreck - severe dizziness, brain zaps, aches and pains, nausea. Could all be anxiety - possibly heightened due to lack of sleep and reducing this medication. It took 7 or 8 days on the lower dose last time to start feeling a bit more normal again. In general though, the past 2 weeks that i've been reducing my doseage of Remeron has been nothing short of hell. Aches and pains so severe day in day out. It's really draining me.
It's making me believe I shouldn't try another medication. I finally managed to get a benzo though. ordered online from an indian pharmacy. It's been going for over 30 years and comes in correct packaging so I wasn't worried about it being something other than what I was expecting. 1mg of Etizolam reduces my aches for about 3 hours before they start coming back. It doesn't ever stop them completely - the only thing that has is alcohol. I only bought 10 of these pills and i've limited myself to a maximum of 2 per week for when things get very bad.
Also decided I need to go sober for the forseeable future. I was drinking every day for 3 weeks which is obviously compounding the problem. The aches and pains were far worse when hungover so it'll be good to gauge the situation after several days sober to see how I do. I was mainly drinking to stop the aches and also to be able to fall asleep easily as, no matter how tired I feel, i've not been able to get to sleep easily, or stay asleep properly whilst reducing Remeron. I know things should get better once i'm off them completely.
I'm going to book another appointment with my GP and ask them what I can do 'cos I can't go on like this.