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Author Topic: Dread, no reason, can't stand this  (Read 378 times)

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Offline never quit

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Dread, no reason, can't stand this
« on: June 08, 2014, 09:49:22 AM »
OK, really rough morning. Sunday dread. I woke up with it. Gorgeous day outside. Nothing to do but cut the grass. It's a deep-seated fear with strong physical symptoms: shaky hands, extreme tension, heat flashes in my face. Not breathing. Terrified.

Job is intense. Just came off eight very stressful days, won a HUGE grant for employer, but now have to deliver on it. Live alone, unmarried, no kids, sober 12 years, Pristiq and 1.25 mgs klonopin daily. Was on Abilify a while, seemed to help. Went off due to weight gain.

Seems to come in cycles. May was mostly symptom-free. Remember that!

Too hard on myself, can't internalize good things. Generally healthy otherwise, exercise five days a week, play in a band, meditate with a group, go to AA meetings, try to help others. Much too alone at home, live far from work. Network weak. Recently turned 50.

So, so tired of this. I'm sure many can relate. Right when things look pretty good, another cycle, fear of the fear. Constant misery. What could be better than a pretty day with nothing to do? I would love to just give up, but I don't know how.

Physiological? Internal switch is thrown? Nervous system turns on the fear response for no good reason, can't turn it off.

Not alone, right? Millions of us? Thankful for this forum.
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Offline e77

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Re: Dread, no reason, can't stand this
« Reply #1 on: June 08, 2014, 11:45:21 AM »
I agree, for some the brain goes into fight/flight even when no danger is present.  I too believe physiology has a lot to do with it.  Maybe the previous days of job stress was sufficient to trigger the dread, a delayed reaction perhaps?  Chronic stress can bring it on.  I also think this forum is a great place.  Take care.
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Online worldbeat99

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Re: Dread, no reason, can't stand this
« Reply #2 on: June 08, 2014, 02:30:02 PM »
Hi never quit,

Yeah GAD is tough.  Does the klonopin help?  I'm thinking to give it a try.  Right now I'm taking buspar but doesn't seems to be doing much.
I'm also going to ask doc about trying lexapro.

I'm sorry you're experience frequent dread. That is something I often feel for no logical reason.  But that's the nature of GAD.
I started an online group on book of faces, if you know what I mean.  Currently we have 10 folks in the group.

Yeah it's a nice day and it's good to have a plan up your sleeve.  Even if just going to a coffeehouse or movie.  Today I saw a friend
for breakfast.
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Offline tinam7

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Re: Dread, no reason, can't stand this
« Reply #3 on: June 08, 2014, 04:24:16 PM »
I will latch on to "can't internalize good things." Yes, without seeing any of the good, it is tough to go on. You even meditate which is one of my pillars of faith in reconditioning the old brain. Sunday can be extra rough, but need not be. Try and plan your day with yourself. Liking ourself, or not, is one big issue, as I see it. We can keep a journal of all our accomplishments. We are apt to surprise ourselves.

We never quit, that's for sure unless, we may get old, may lose our marbles, our mobility, bodily functions, dignity, etc. and truly all quality of life is gone. Until then, we sure want to find our pleasure. Even if it is only cooking our favorite dish, going for a walk and connecting with nature, tending to a hobby, reading, thinking, writing. There is hope. And, yes, this site is wonderful.
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Offline never quit

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Re: Dread, no reason, can't stand this
« Reply #4 on: June 09, 2014, 10:30:24 PM »
Thank you for the wonderful thoughtful replies.

Sunday got better. I stayed busy. Yardwork, dinner with friend, watched the basketball game, was feeling better. Slept pretty OK, this morning, no dread, yay. More intense work, mood deteriorated steadily. By afternoon, horrible combination of fear, depression, emotional pain. Just pure hopelessness. This happens sometimes, it's the worst and most dangerous part of my illness.

Went to the gym and worked out until I felt ill. Home now, dizzy, worried about what's next. Seems like this is forever and will never end. Have tried all the drugs, been in hospital, even had ECT. I have a great therapist and shrink. Wonder if this will EVER go away.

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Offline tinam7

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Re: Dread, no reason, can't stand this
« Reply #5 on: June 10, 2014, 08:10:41 AM »
You are one fine example that we can be our own best shrinks. My help from the pros is their written work. Then I treat myself. Our problems are a combination of nature/nurture. Step 1 (for me) was to work at an understanding of the harsh beginnings. Moved on from there. Never finished.

CBT and ACT are outstanding, as are yoga and tai chi. Also go to the gym and love walking. Best is meditation. Sit every day, twice a day. We must moderate our expectations, be patient, be tenacious. We teach our brain that there is hope. :yes:
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Offline never quit

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Re: Dread, no reason, can't stand this
« Reply #6 on: June 11, 2014, 08:30:38 AM »
I had a total meltdown yesterday. Woke up soaked in sweat, terrified, shaking like a leaf. Worst symptoms, intense flushing, heat in face and head and of course more fear, more dread. I was barely functional.

Called the doc, we dropped a klonopin and Abilify bomb on it. Stabilized a bit by afternoon. See shrink this morning. Feeling better today.

Big day tomorrow, board meeting, dinner with big shots, phone call with funders. Terrified that symptoms will continue through tomorrow. Despite all that, strapping it on, going to work, soldiering through. Life is sooo much fun at the moment.

Getting a massage today, leaving early, going to AA meeting, getting a workout. Symptoms are so physical. As I've mentioned before, through outward appearances, things are going quite well for me. Just have to keep reminding myself of this. Thank you anyone for listening, I mean, reading. Tomorrow will be... interesting.
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Offline tinam7

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Re: Dread, no reason, can't stand this
« Reply #7 on: June 11, 2014, 10:14:10 AM »
So sorry for your suffering. Do bomb it out and soldier on. Or take a trip to CO and zone out (joking).

I saved the Jan/Feb copy of The Atlantic where Scott Stossel appears on the cover with "Surviving Anxiety." It contains an excerpt of his book which is now out. Fascinating. Despite it all he is nothing less than editor of the magazine. You'll be fine too. Rooting for you.
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Offline never quit

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Re: Dread, no reason, can't stand this
« Reply #8 on: June 11, 2014, 11:10:41 AM »
tinam7, you are a blessing!

Today, looking cautiously OK.
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Offline tinam7

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Re: Dread, no reason, can't stand this
« Reply #9 on: June 12, 2014, 07:37:57 AM »
Very nice to read, TY. The truth is that everyone here is a blessing. We seek help, we try to give help however we can. Recognize some excellent people and could name them, but won't embarrass them. We have a supportive, wonderful community.

Hope your day was OK. Want to also mention a book by Dan Harris, Ch 7 news reporter who wrote his book about his problem and is better.
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