OK, really rough morning. Sunday dread. I woke up with it. Gorgeous day outside. Nothing to do but cut the grass. It's a deep-seated fear with strong physical symptoms: shaky hands, extreme tension, heat flashes in my face. Not breathing. Terrified.
Job is intense. Just came off eight very stressful days, won a HUGE grant for employer, but now have to deliver on it. Live alone, unmarried, no kids, sober 12 years, Pristiq and 1.25 mgs klonopin daily. Was on Abilify a while, seemed to help. Went off due to weight gain.
Seems to come in cycles. May was mostly symptom-free. Remember that!
Too hard on myself, can't internalize good things. Generally healthy otherwise, exercise five days a week, play in a band, meditate with a group, go to AA meetings, try to help others. Much too alone at home, live far from work. Network weak. Recently turned 50.
So, so tired of this. I'm sure many can relate. Right when things look pretty good, another cycle, fear of the fear. Constant misery. What could be better than a pretty day with nothing to do? I would love to just give up, but I don't know how.
Physiological? Internal switch is thrown? Nervous system turns on the fear response for no good reason, can't turn it off.
Not alone, right? Millions of us? Thankful for this forum.