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Author Topic: OCD and me  (Read 218 times)

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Offline bellasmommy24

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OCD and me
« on: June 07, 2014, 12:49:28 PM »
 :action-smiley-065: Hello Everyone,

I just wanted to talk a bit about my ocd and see if anyone else has the same obsessions and compulsions. I have had ocd for 12 years. I've went from obsessions about my sexuality, to hand washing and germ avoidance, to harm ocd, and religious ocd or scruples. I mainly struggle with all of these now. It's off and on and they seem to fluctuate at times or switch between obsessions all the time. Sometimes I will have an attack of more than one type of obsession but one is always more dominant in my mind. I also have lots of compulsions. I avoid certain colors, such as orange, purple, black, and green because I feel they are evil. I am working with Exposure and response prevention therapy and it is very hard to try not to avoid things or do my compulsions. I have been wearing orange, purple, black, and green. I've also been using the number six when I want to count to seven (A good number) because it's a number I like to avoid. It takes the superstition out of the colors and the numbers when I realize that the day went okay even though I wore or used the numbers or colors. I struggle a lot with the religious intrusive thoughts and sexual intrusive thoughts. They make me feel like a bad person because of the content of them and because God is very important to me. It makes me feel like I'm two different people almost. I try to check my intrusive thoughts by thinking about them but that just makes me feel worse and dirty. I feel overwhelmed sometimes by my sexual thoughts and also by my religious thoughts. Those are the ones that cause me the most grief, but they aren't always constant so I know that they aren't truly how I feel. I still hate how I can think those nasty or degrading thoughts and feel like I don't deserve a lot because of the thoughts. I've asked God to take them away, but I wonder if maybe getting help for myself is a test of my faith in Him and to show me how strong I am. Sorry to rant I just get so scared of my thoughts at times and don't know where else to connect with people similar to me. My therapist suggested an online site so here I am. :) I'm afraid to open up too much about my issues right now but I know that doing so will help in the long run.
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Offline bluerose

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Re: OCD and me
« Reply #1 on: June 08, 2014, 01:43:43 AM »
Welcome to The Anxiety Zone!  The OCD thoughts you're having are very common themes for those of us with this disorder.  Good luck with the exposure therapy.  That may do the trick.  If not have you ever tried medication?  Lexapro - an SSRI antidepressant shuts off my OCD thoughts almost completely.  Again good luck and welcome to the site.
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You wanted justice, but there was none, only love.

Offline bellasmommy24

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Re: OCD and me
« Reply #2 on: June 10, 2014, 12:52:25 AM »
Im currently on zoloft but it doesnt help much.
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Offline bobbyassustado

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Re: OCD and me
« Reply #3 on: June 15, 2014, 12:05:52 AM »
Hey bellas, I Really Really Relate with your words. I've been suffering with the exact things as you. But the obsession i'm currently with, is making myself very bad these days. I'm going through some 'people obsession' or "past obsession"... I just focused in some male friend (i'm also male, not gay) I had when I was 13,14, and I don't see him for years now... But I focused an obsession over him, after I seeing a short-film that we did in that time... i didn't like seeing myself with 13, I felt I was a silly kid or something.. I think it's normal to feel that you were kinda dumb when kid... but I think that feel connected with the memory of this particular guy and it was the whole start... my mind realized that keeping this guy and this age 24/7 in my mind would make me feel bad, so that's the reason i keep obsession over it... . Now I see this guy in everything. Everything I hear, I see, I can associate with him. When I see someone with fat cheeks, I see him, because he had fat cheeks. I see him in movies we saw together, games we used to play, everything. I'm sick of it. I know it may sounds "gay".. but is absolutely 100% not in this way. Is a bad obsession. I hate thinking about him now... Before all of this, he was a normal memory, just a regular friend, now i hate it...

I feel like i'm not myself anymore because i see the guy everywhere. I want MY life back. I want to like the things i used to, without putting him on it.

Does it make any sense? I'm so scared. Since you also have the same things I do, I hope you can comfort me on this somehow
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Offline OCD_intrudes_on_me

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Re: OCD and me
« Reply #4 on: June 17, 2014, 08:33:20 PM »
:action-smiley-065: Hello Everyone,

I just wanted to talk a bit about my ocd and see if anyone else has the same obsessions and compulsions. I have had ocd for 12 years. I've went from obsessions about my sexuality, to hand washing and germ avoidance, to harm ocd, and religious ocd or scruples. I mainly struggle with all of these now. It's off and on and they seem to fluctuate at times or switch between obsessions all the time. Sometimes I will have an attack of more than one type of obsession but one is always more dominant in my mind. I also have lots of compulsions. I avoid certain colors, such as orange, purple, black, and green because I feel they are evil. I am working with Exposure and response prevention therapy and it is very hard to try not to avoid things or do my compulsions. I have been wearing orange, purple, black, and green. I've also been using the number six when I want to count to seven (A good number) because it's a number I like to avoid. It takes the superstition out of the colors and the numbers when I realize that the day went okay even though I wore or used the numbers or colors. I struggle a lot with the religious intrusive thoughts and sexual intrusive thoughts. They make me feel like a bad person because of the content of them and because God is very important to me. It makes me feel like I'm two different people almost. I try to check my intrusive thoughts by thinking about them but that just makes me feel worse and dirty. I feel overwhelmed sometimes by my sexual thoughts and also by my religious thoughts. Those are the ones that cause me the most grief, but they aren't always constant so I know that they aren't truly how I feel. I still hate how I can think those nasty or degrading thoughts and feel like I don't deserve a lot because of the thoughts. I've asked God to take them away, but I wonder if maybe getting help for myself is a test of my faith in Him and to show me how strong I am. Sorry to rant I just get so scared of my thoughts at times and don't know where else to connect with people similar to me. My therapist suggested an online site so here I am. :) I'm afraid to open up too much about my issues right now but I know that doing so will help in the long run.

Know that you aren't alone in your thoughts. Because of religious reasons, I too cannot use the number before 7 without my mind racing and telling me not to use it. I've tried exposing myself to it, which ultimately gets too tiresome. The bad thing is, that each multiple of it is nearly just as bad, but it multiplied by 3 is the worst. It may not make sense to some, but it's the "mark of the beast" to have 3 of those together, so my thoughts make me feel as if I'm aligning myself with evil, or accepting that mark if I use those numbers. :(
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Offline OCD_intrudes_on_me

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Re: OCD and me
« Reply #5 on: June 17, 2014, 08:41:37 PM »
Bobby, I've had obsessive thoughts over ex-girlfriends and sometimes old friends. Something that helped me, was to remember a time when you had a bad experience with them, and focus on that for a time. After a few days of remembering that (or more than one) thought, each seemed to have less of a hold on me. Hope that helps. Sounds like you're having a hard time. Hang in there!
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Offline healyshouse

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Re: OCD and me
« Reply #6 on: June 18, 2014, 09:16:17 AM »
i found with my own anxiety it would jump from one thing or another, harm thoughts then to schitz fear then back to harm thoughts, never ending cycle.

the more you keep questioning the cycle will never end... have you found that questioning trying to figure it out help you in anyway?

i thought not.. try the opposite.. try not questioning but leaving it alone accepting that you will feel horrible accepting this wont make you feel any better but question hasnít either..

if you stop the questioning why me. why do i have this.. how can i beat it,, this is only adding stress to your mind that you dont need, give your mind time to heal.

a saying i picked up was... "you will never get better until you stop trying to get better " By pauld davd"
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" you will never get better until you stop trying to get better" By Paul David author of " at last a life"

Offline bobbyassustado

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Re: OCD and me
« Reply #7 on: June 20, 2014, 07:21:04 PM »
Bobby, I've had obsessive thoughts over ex-girlfriends and sometimes old friends. Something that helped me, was to remember a time when you had a bad experience with them, and focus on that for a time. After a few days of remembering that (or more than one) thought, each seemed to have less of a hold on me. Hope that helps. Sounds like you're having a hard time. Hang in there!

thanks for your support friend!
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