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Author Topic: Unempathetic partner  (Read 419 times)

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Offline anndroid7

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Unempathetic partner
« on: June 04, 2014, 11:45:35 PM »
This is my first post here.  I am so frustrated my partner gets mad when I have anxiety and tells me everything wrong with me is because I am "fat and mentally ill"  I have to pretend not to have panic attacks which makes it worse.  If I get real bad she glares and says "go take a nut pill" (lorazepam).  I am sure it is tiring dealing with me but it just seems cruel.
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Offline crikee57

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Re: Unempathetic partner
« Reply #1 on: June 05, 2014, 02:14:30 AM »
Anxiety and panic is very hard for people who do not experience it to understand.  However despite not understanding, they can be supportive and kind.  It will often be very frustrating for them, and they may feel helpless because they can't help us or fix the problem.  Ultimately we have to help ourselves. 

That being said - your partner's words are unkind and you should not allow anyone to speak to you like that.  I have found that anxiety and panic get exponentially worse if you try to hide or control them.   Trying to hide the anxiety and panic because you fear your partner's reaction will make it much worse.   Additionally I have found that self esteem plays a huge role in our anxiety and someone continually tearing you down will again only increase your anxiety.  The people in your life should build you up not tear you down.

Do you go to therapy?  I would highly recommend asking your partner to go with you and maybe your therapist can help you be assertive in asking for the respect you deserve.  This might give your partner a better understanding of what you go through as well.  Either way you need to express to your partner the pain that their words cause you and try to change the situation.  I sincerely hope things improve for you.
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It's not what's in front of us that stops us.  It's what's inside that holds us back.

Offline tinam7

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Re: Unempathetic partner
« Reply #2 on: June 05, 2014, 01:22:55 PM »
There is a distinction between lack of empathy and rudeness. What sort of partner is this?

It is true we ought not to expect a partner to be our shrink. But must they be mean spirited? Counseling for one or both would be very welcome. Wishing you the best.
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Offline Stressed Jumper

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Re: Unempathetic partner
« Reply #3 on: June 05, 2014, 01:45:03 PM »
Talking to you like that is one hundred kinds of not ok.  In my opinion it's actually verbally abusive.  I agree with tinam that we cannot expect out partners to be our shrinks but basic human kindness should be a given in any healthy relationship.  Counseling would be my suggestion if you want to continue the relationship...

Sorry I can't be more helpful but just remember, no matter what anyone says, you are not crazy or a "nut"...you have an illness, like having the flu...would you yell at someone for having the flu?  Of course not!  So don't let anyone yell at you.  Hang in there!

P.S. (this is a joke!). If you really want to show them what it's like wait till they get a stomach bug and Saran wrap the toilet.  Same concept.
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Offline anndroid7

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Re: Unempathetic partner
« Reply #4 on: June 05, 2014, 11:04:52 PM »
Thank you all for your kind words and I am going to go see a therapist on Monday and hopefully get some help and an outside view to sort things out.  I agree I have an illness of sorts but I am a good and kind person.  Thank you for sharing I don't feel so alone.
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Offline bloodshot

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Re: Unempathetic partner
« Reply #5 on: June 10, 2014, 10:13:27 AM »
I've struggled greatly with my partner's issues also.  I don't have any great answers, except that she should be showing you more respect.  There were definitely times I fought with my fiancee over what was going on with her, but that was always after I felt she was taking her issues out on me, it was never me lashing out at her meanly like that.  And even then I always regretted it and wished I had more patience in those moments.
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Offline poppadr3w

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Re: Unempathetic partner
« Reply #6 on: June 17, 2014, 08:53:04 AM »
She doesn't sound like a very good partner if she acts in such an immature manner.

Many people don't understand the complexities of what we have to deal with. I know I remember thinking about anxiety after seeing people have attacks "Can't they just control themselves?!" Then I had some attacks and I full sympathize. I wish there was a simulator that people could engage in to see how bad it may be.

My fiancee used to not completely get it, but I found that it was due to a lack of communication. I told her I didn't feel well, but it wasn't until I described WHAT and HOW I felt that she understood a bit better. I tried to find common ground for her to associate with, so I told her the physical manifestations first (Chest tightness, for example), then went on to tell her how it affects me psychologically/mentally/emotionally. All she wanted from there on in was to be informed about the doctors I was seeing and such. She was more upset that I didn't clue her in to what was going on with me, so now I tell her everthing and how I feel and she is much more understanding. Once in awhile she'd get upset because all we'd do was sit around and watch movies and TV since my house was my "safe spot," but she's gotten better and more understanding. And that's one reason I proposed to her.

Maybe sit down with her or even take her to a therapist with you since they may be able to explain it to her better.
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Offline Pianolovingfreak

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Re: Unempathetic partner
« Reply #7 on: July 08, 2014, 05:14:24 AM »
Personally i sont think its right for your partner to say things like that. Its not like you cna help what you go through and you go to someome like a partner for help and relief from the situation and not for them to make it any worse. Panic attacks and anxiety are hard enough you dont need that too. It will be alright.
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