Hi, I'm new here but a little background on me is that I have had anxiety for as long as I can remember. And intrusive thoughts and a little few other habits that have led me to believe i have some form of OCD. I realize I need help. Last year I had started my first semester at nursing school and I failed miserably. I felt I wasn't good enough and that the weird things I've done in the past make me a tainted person who doesn't deserve to be happy. I couldn't focus on studying because I had no drive or motivation to be a part of life.
I've felt so alone for so long. My self-esteem was so bad but since high school it has increased a little. Not a lot, but enough for me to try to talk to new people and get myself out there. In high school, I was promiscuous and that gave me a temporary high. I didn't have to think and I felt good enough for someone and that made me feel good enough for myself. But that never lasted. Since then, I've changed completely. I have a sense of respect for myself in that regards. But now I'm feeling hopeless as what to do with school and how to get back into another nursing program to give it another shot. I feel like such a screw-up. I'm 21 and still living at home. I don't have a lot of money and my job is extremely hard on me physically. I'm a certified nursing assistant and some days I feel the life getting sucked out of me because I don't feel strong to begin with.
I don't know where to go from here or what I should do. Any suggestions would be helpful. Thank you.